AIBU to be upset because they didn’t like My Home?

[StarshipCaptain]

A former work colleague came to visit me at home a week ago. Now, I’m all for people being blunt and honest, but I really didn’t expect them to criticise everything in My Home from my plants to my furniture to my wall colours, to the location of my property to the Holly bush out the front… When they left I felt really deflated and upset. I don’t want to invite anybody into my home again.

I’m very happy with my home and the way it is, I don’t have expensive things but I like what I have and I’ve made the best of what I’ve got. It’s my sanctuary and calming place for me to relax. I know I shouldn’t care what others think, but I’m terribly upset that somebody would dislike it so much, and tell me.

Mum are allowed to do stuff like that, no?

This is really unusual behaviour from a guest. Most people visiting someone else’s home will find something to be complimentary about, or at least keep quiet about things they don’t like.

DH and I have had some criticism of our home from parents and siblings, although phrased tactfully. And TBF, there were parts of what they said that I agreed with.

But outside of immediate family, we’ve only ever had unsolicited criticism of our home from one person.
And that was a (now ex) colleague of DH’s, who was later sacked for gross misconduct because he’d been saying things to numerous people at work, that were overly critical, downright offensive, and on at least one occasion, verging on criminal.

So his behaviour was a reflection on him, and his complete lack of an internal filter and / or him being a c**t, not on our house, IYSWIM.

How incredibly rude of him!

I don’t want to invite anybody into my home again.

No need for that; just don't invite HIM again. Most people don't act like that!

Nope, I wouldn’t go round my parents house and point out all the jobs I think need doing. They’re adults and don’t need someone giving them a list of jobs to do for their own home. They are perfectly capable of seeing and sorting their own house repairs.

It's not about "giving them a list", it's a normal discussion between adults when you are close 🙄

You walk past something, you mention it, in normal families it's a complete non-issue.

I would pop round to their house and do the same to them, see how they like it.

To answer your question.

No.

No. And in some cases it would be even worse for a family member to do this.,

because families tend to have such intricate and tricky ties and relationships can be fraught.

I would never comment on anyone's house except to say 'how lovely! I love that paint shade, what is it?'. Or (as i did this week) ' It looks so lovely. cosy, and welcoming without being intimidating'. (Cousin- new house).

If you seriously think that your 'constructive criticism' is welcome- about homes; about weight; about children- about anything is really welcome then you have a certain world view of your own superiority that may not correlate with the recipient 's view of your words of wisdom.

Unbelievable rude.

What a pity you didn't show him the door.

Forget it and him.

I wouldn't entertain such a rude ignorant pig again, ever.

Yeah, totally normal to point out jobs that need doing in someone else’s house.
oh look your garage needs painting, your stairs need hovering, your tap in dripping.
Not normal to need to point these out to a fully functioning adult.

Totally agree.

And what about the people who think its ok to share what they would do to improve the house if they lived there ("because it has so much potential")...Rude, arrogant tits.

What an absolute cowbag!!

I'd say about 80% of my friends have very modern stylish "on trend" houses where they've all had the same copy-and-paste kitchen extension "family rooms" with log burners, vaulted ceilings, velux roof windows and bifold doors with laminate flooring throughout. Whereas my wonky old cottage with the strange floor plan, brick arch fireplace and weeds in the garden is very different. But my home is my castle. Its my own square of this rich and varied land. My little piece of England. No-one elses. Mine. I shut the door, turn the lock at night and its just me and my house, my palace where I am King. I have it exactly how I want. Your colleague doesn't like it? Tough shit to her, it's not her house and she doesn't pay the bills or call the shots. You do. Have it how you like and mentally wave 2 fingers at her every time you have misfortune to see her again. How rude!! Your house is pretty. Her manners are ugly.

OP he sounds like an absolute nut job and was just using the visit to vent uncontrollably!

Your home sounds lovely - just don't invite him round again.

I'm sorry you experienced this.

@FarmGirl78 I couldn’t have said it better myself . My house needs loads of work and I have no money at present but it’s my little piece of this country and I love it .

It sounds like they are jealous. As well as being small minded, ill mannered and spiteful.

Enjoy your lovely home. 🙂And find some new friends.

Regarding envy, it’s easy to assume it is the bricks and mortar or the furnishings that are envied, but something that is much harder to fathom (especially if you aren’t the envious type yourself), is that others can be envious that you are pleased with something, proud of something, content in life, have your life together, etc.

Your colleague is an idiot.
Do not read anything else into it.

They sound like a rude twat, not to mince words. I lived for a bit in a country where houses are generally very small and people socialise outside them which I preferred. Does your rude colleague pride themselves on being forthright when they're just hurtful?

Sure they were rude but you like it so why on earth does it matter other than thinking 'rude no way coming around again'

there is also random rude or asked their opinion so answered honestly thing

How rude!

Homes are like baby names, you smile and say ‘that’s nice’, even it’s not to your taste.

A very rude person has alerted you that she will not be invited to your home again.

I have a simple home and I find it is all that I need and more.

I think it depends on what exactly it is you’re pointing out.

Stuff like a garage door needing a bit of paint, routine maintenance things around the house and garden, something needing a bit of a clean, decorations not to your taste, then no.
Unless they’re asking for advice or help, then it’s usually best to leave them to it.

Something potentially dangerous, like a visibly faulty boiler or water dripping through the ceiling, I think that’s a different scenario and it’s not unreasonable to point it out.

🤣👏 doOne.com

@FarmGirl78 Very well said! I could have written that myself.

It's a colleague and not a friend.
Take no notice.
It is your friends that matter and this person is not friend