AIBU to be upset because they didn’t like My Home?

[StarshipCaptain]

A former work colleague came to visit me at home a week ago. Now, I’m all for people being blunt and honest, but I really didn’t expect them to criticise everything in My Home from my plants to my furniture to my wall colours, to the location of my property to the Holly bush out the front… When they left I felt really deflated and upset. I don’t want to invite anybody into my home again.

I’m very happy with my home and the way it is, I don’t have expensive things but I like what I have and I’ve made the best of what I’ve got. It’s my sanctuary and calming place for me to relax. I know I shouldn’t care what others think, but I’m terribly upset that somebody would dislike it so much, and tell me.

I am the youngest of a large-ish family too. I have overcome really poor boundaries and I used to attract a lot of boundary violators as a result. I notice all types of boundary violators now. First-born boundary violators tend to insist on everything on their own terms. If you try to assert your own terms, it is as though you hadn’t spoken at all - they don’t even consider that there is another way or another need than their own - very selfish. Middle child boundary violators tend to be two-faced back-stabbers rather than letting you know they have a problem. Youngest child boundary violators tend to be like the OP described IME.

Hmm, you’ve had quite a lot of therapy haven’t you? I think that a much simpler explanation is that some people are just cunts.

I experienced something similar with the husband of an old friend who came to stay. He criticised everything from my decor to my garden, to the size of my house and my entitled cats! I asked them to leave early and was pretty upset immediately afterwards, particularly as I had put a lot of effort into hosting them. Within a couple of days however, I could see that it was his problem and not mine and he'll never be invited back. It's lovely that your home is your sanctuary, as it should be - please don't let one idiot ruin that for you. Put it out of your mind.

I also think that programs like Queer Eye For The Straight Guy and so on, make this unacceptable behaviour seem sort of normal and even helpful, so people who are taken in by it think they are being very urbane,

Incredibly bad manners. I’d have as little as possible to do with her in future. She has no idea of how to behave.
And I’d tend to agree that it’s very likely down to jealousy.

Indeed some people are just cunts indeed, but others are a mix of being cunty and being fun or interesting, etc- it fucks with your mind.

Your former colleague sounds round and utterly horrible, please don't take any of their criticism to heart!

If it makes you feel better, I'll tell you about a (now ex) friend of mine, who was quite rude about my house. I was talking about selling and he said something along the lines of 'It has great bones and will probably sell really well if you get someone to stage it properly'. So he basically implied that our furniture / styling made the place look much worse.
I was quite pissed off about his comment, but also knew it was complete bullshit because I've had nothing but compliments from everyone else for years (including a fair few followers on Instagram!). We have lots of beautiful antiques and art mixed with nice modern furniture, ex-friend on the other hand has terrible taste likes soulless, badly done minimalism (and I like minimalism if done well!) with lots of dark and shiny surfaces and not a single plant or book in sight. Your former colleague may just be another one with bad taste or it's plain and simple jealousy.

Why didn't you shut the conversation down? You could have responded with "I didn't ask for your opinion and I'm not interested in what you have to say"...

That's incredibly rude. Even if I didn't like someone's house I would never say so! I can always find something positive to say e.g. "Oh this room lovely and light" not mentioning that I hate the decor!
I hope you don't invite them round again.

I bet the op has that all going through their head afterwards. It can be so gobsmacking when people rudely blurt out unsolicited criticisms, you are stumped at the time.

Well at least you never have to see or speak to them again, thankfully they’re an ex colleague.

I know it’s a cliche, but sounds like they are jealous.

Your friend is jealous. Pity her, for she is a jealous cunty chops with poor taste.

At a guess they are the youngest child in their family, always being belittled and criticised and treated like an idiot, whose opinion holds no weight, so they are acting all this out when they visit others

Where the hell did you get that bit of cod psychology from? What utter nonsense.

I'm the youngest of a large family. No one ever put me down or made me feel stupid and I would never be rude to someone and criticise their choices in the way OP's visitor did.

In fact, if anything I would probably be more likely to admire everything in their house, because that's the kind thing to do.

Have you been to her home? It’s incredibly rude no matter what her reasons are but it will be for one of 2 reasons.

1. she is very rich and privileged so your house is a hole compared to her mansion.
2. Her house isn’t as nice as yours so she’s putting it down to make herself feel superior.

My money is on 2.

No one ever put me down or made me feel stupid and I would never be rude to someone and criticise their choices in the way OP's visitor did.

Exactly

Some families though…

Unless we no whst was actually said then it hard to judge tjis could range from one throw away comment to being overly critical so hard to no if ur being overly sensitive about a throwaway comment or she genuinely was thst awful

You can discount everything they say as they're a rude, ill-mannered twat.

When I moved to my house an old school friend came round to see the house and go for a drink. We have been friends more than 30 years even though our lives are quite different . I could see her looking down her nose at things and she just kept saying well it's a good use of space! (Her house is probably 2.5 times the size and price). I am now cautious to only meet at public places with her now to save myself from her judgement. But as time has passed my OH and I laugh about it now.

I doubt that they actually didnt like it. They sound like ab absolute cunt and probably would have criticised it even if they secretly love it. They sound bitter and unhappy and these types are always sniping.

How rude. It says far more about them than you. I am sure that your home is perfectly nice and the main thing is that you enjoy it. Don't let one very unkind person rock your confidence.

I’m a youngest child and I’d say I’m often the scapegoat of the family but it has made me more empathetic to other people rather than critical.

I would say it’s more likely she has middle child syndrome 🤣

Excellent advice.
I am going to pay heed to it myself.
I had a similar experience recently with a colleague of my DH.
Thank you Bazookas for putting their behaviour into perspective for me.

It’s astounding how ill mannered and rude some people can be.

You are invited to someone’s house, you tell them it’s lovely, what ever you actually think.

Agreed. Most people don’t produce quick thinking responses because they are not expecting such appallingly rude behaviour. To be invited into someone’s home and then criticise things is very very rude. If I’d done that as a child in my mum’s hearing I don’t think I would have been able to sit down for a week as she would have hauled me out and tanned my backside.

OP, this person behaved very badly but most people are polite. If I see something in someone’s home that they’re clearly proud of I always comment positively on it even if it’s not to my taste. How well it goes with xx, what beautiful wood etc.

I hope this person’s bad behaviour won’t stop you welcoming others. Most people would not dream of telling someone how to improve their home.