Can I ask friend not to bring her partner round?

Biytrer · 2023-07-01T17:54:50+00:00

She's house/pet sitting for me. I mind her pets when she goes away too. I'm leaving her with a full fridge and some spending money for a takeaway etc. I've a house with big garden and she's in a high rise flat so she does enjoy minding the house. She has a partner now who I've only met once. She asked if her partner could stay with her the weekends (2) I felt put on the spot but I really am not wanting this to happen. I barely know the person. We have lots of personal items around the house. I trust my friend completely but I don't know this other person. My husband really isn't happy with them being in our bed (there isn't anywhere else to go) Is it really bad to ask the person doenst stay over?

GoodChat · 01/07/2023 18:56

Where would she be sleeping? Is she in your bed anyway?

She's doing you a favour so I don't think you can really insist she spends two weekends alone.

CurlewKate · 01/07/2023 18:56

Mumsnet will say you're being perfectly reasonable. I'd say you're not! 🤣

Cherrysoup · 01/07/2023 18:56

I think if you want (free?) house sitting, then you’ll have to accept her partner. Is she sensible? Do you trust her judgement with men?

storypushers · 01/07/2023 18:57

I'm not sure. On one hand you have every right to say no. In the other, I think you have to trust her if she's a close friend. Maybe move anything particularly valuable. Do you have any reason to doubt him? Also I wouldn't want one person in my bed never mind a couple.

YeahIsaidit · 01/07/2023 18:58

I think it's a bit mean as she's doing you a favour, she was decent enough to ask if it was OK too. If you trust her I don't see the issue, it'd be mean to expect her to spend 2 weeks not staying with her partner

BonnieGlasses · 01/07/2023 18:58

You would be really mean not to allow this, especially since you trust her.
Your DH's bed objections are ridiculous, does he never sleep in hotels?

Original poster

Biytrer · 01/07/2023 19:00

storypushers · 01/07/2023 18:57

I'm not sure. On one hand you have every right to say no. In the other, I think you have to trust her if she's a close friend. Maybe move anything particularly valuable. Do you have any reason to doubt him? Also I wouldn't want one person in my bed never mind a couple.

I don't really want her in my bed but ours is the only low bed. The kids all have high sleepers.

OP posts:

Original poster

Biytrer · 01/07/2023 19:01

YeahIsaidit · 01/07/2023 18:58

I think it's a bit mean as she's doing you a favour, she was decent enough to ask if it was OK too. If you trust her I don't see the issue, it'd be mean to expect her to spend 2 weeks not staying with her partner

They don't live together now.

It's relatively new. I mena I'm not saying they can't see ecah other. I just really don't want someone I don't know sleeping in my home.

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 01/07/2023 19:04

I don't see anything "mean" about not wanting her new boyfriend staying in your home, especially sleeping in your bed. If I were you, he would absolutely not be invited.

It's your house, you make the rules.

MIBnightmare · 01/07/2023 19:06

Is she being paid beyond a stacked fridge and some money for takeaway??

If yes then you can set the parameters as an 'employee' .. if not then you are bordering on CF territory..

Do you know how much a house sitter costs ???

storypushers · 01/07/2023 19:08

If you've got no other choice about the bed then just a good mattress protector and ask her to strip the bed before you her home. In relation to her boyfriend I think you should just allow it unless there is a reason you can't trust him.

Original poster

Biytrer · 01/07/2023 19:08

MIBnightmare · 01/07/2023 19:06

Is she being paid beyond a stacked fridge and some money for takeaway??

If yes then you can set the parameters as an 'employee' .. if not then you are bordering on CF territory..

Do you know how much a house sitter costs ???

When I mind all her animals (over 8!) she doenst pay me. We do it as a favour to each other.

This is the first time I've gone away on a proper holiday so she would need to actually stay over.

Not had a holiday in 5 years.

I also mind her dog whilst she is in hospital, again for free.

OP posts:

FiveGoMadInDorset · 01/07/2023 19:09

She could have just had him round without telling you, so at least she had the decency to ask

Derailing · 01/07/2023 19:11

She will probably have him over anyway. Maybe meet him a few more times before you go away.

GoodChat · 01/07/2023 19:11

@Biytrer do you stay at hers when you mind her animals?

AutumnCrow · 01/07/2023 19:13

Derailing · 01/07/2023 19:11

She will probably have him over anyway. Maybe meet him a few more times before you go away.

And get a safe, bolted down, for your valuables and personal items.

B&Q sell them; they’re hardly niche. We sorted one in an afternoon when I was carrying cash.

NomDe · 01/07/2023 19:14

She’s house and pet sitting for you for 10+ days for free and you expect her to be completely be herself the whole time? You trust her (your actual friend) but don’t trust your friend’s partner as you don’t know him? I assume it would never even occur to her that you’d be suspicious of her partner or have a problem with her not being by herself the whole time – she’s not a teenager with some random, she’s a grown woman and your friend.

I think you should be offering her some money to be honest, and that you’re taking the piss. Love the mention of the high rise like she’s some inner city kid who’s never seen a garden before. If that’s what you need to tell yourself to justify not paying her a penny and being sniffy about her partner in your house!

PoseyFlump · 01/07/2023 19:14

This is a difficult one.

Original poster

Biytrer · 01/07/2023 19:15

GoodChat · 01/07/2023 19:11

@Biytrer do you stay at hers when you mind her animals?

No. Because I have children, so couldn't stay at hers. She doenst have any kids.

I asked if she would prefer to be at her flat but she said no as there's not much space.

OP posts:

PoseyFlump · 01/07/2023 19:16

Is everyone missing the point that OP animal sits for her friend? It's like a barter system so I can't see why people are saying the OP should pay if the friend isnt.

Original poster

Biytrer · 01/07/2023 19:17

NomDe · 01/07/2023 19:14

She’s house and pet sitting for you for 10+ days for free and you expect her to be completely be herself the whole time? You trust her (your actual friend) but don’t trust your friend’s partner as you don’t know him? I assume it would never even occur to her that you’d be suspicious of her partner or have a problem with her not being by herself the whole time – she’s not a teenager with some random, she’s a grown woman and your friend.

I think you should be offering her some money to be honest, and that you’re taking the piss. Love the mention of the high rise like she’s some inner city kid who’s never seen a garden before. If that’s what you need to tell yourself to justify not paying her a penny and being sniffy about her partner in your house!

Um have you read the thread?

I mind her 8 animals all the time and don't ask for a penny. I mind her dog at least twice a month when she goes to stay at her partners for the weekend and feed her other animals.

And it was her OWN WORDS that she likes staying at mine because there's more space and a large garden for her dog.

OP posts:

GoodChat · 01/07/2023 19:18

@Biytrer so when you look after her pets do they all come to you?

AutumnCrow · 01/07/2023 19:18

So you want her to sleep on a single high sleeper? Does she know?

DarlingCoffee · 01/07/2023 19:20

No, I wouldn’t be comfortable with the new partner coming round at all.

NomDe · 01/07/2023 19:21

MIBnightmare · 01/07/2023 19:06

Is she being paid beyond a stacked fridge and some money for takeaway??

If yes then you can set the parameters as an 'employee' .. if not then you are bordering on CF territory..

Do you know how much a house sitter costs ???

A house sitter for 10 days is starting at £300 and that’s at the very cheap end. Although I see OP’s update that they each pet sit for the other for free.

Still, expecting her to be there by herself for 10+ days and being all pearl clutchy about her actual partner staying over a couple of nights is - imo - unreasonable. Either she’s your friend and you trust her or you should get someone else to look after your pets who you can dictate strict rules to. Is there any reason you don’t trust her partner!?