Can I ask friend not to bring her partner round?

[Biytrer]

She's house/pet sitting for me. I mind her pets when she goes away too. I'm leaving her with a full fridge and some spending money for a takeaway etc.

I've a house with big garden and she's in a high rise flat so she does enjoy minding the house.

She has a partner now who I've only met once. She asked if her partner could stay with her the weekends (2)

I felt put on the spot but I really am not wanting this to happen. I barely know the person. We have lots of personal items around the house. I trust my friend completely but I don't know this other person. My husband really isn't happy with them being in our bed (there isn't anywhere else to go)

Is it really bad to ask the person doenst stay over?

Yes I think YABU. I don’t really see the problem unless you think/know he’s a criminal or likes to piss in people’s wardrobes or something. I’ve had house sitting friends sleep in my bed and again don’t see the issue, just change the sheets?

I just don't think it's fair to expect her to give up two whole weekends with her partner but maybe you could say you're happy for him to stay if they sleep on an inflatable in the living room?

Well I certainly wouldn’t expect them to sleep in my baby’s cot or on the couch.

My bed isn’t going to suddenly turn green and break because another couple, who’s done us a big favour and saved us quite a bit of money, has slept in it and possibly had relations. I just don’t care. I change the sheets when I get home and say thanks for looking after my cat and my house.

Well to be honest that was in response to the OP’s

’Um, have you read the thread?’ and the CAPITALS

I pet-sit as part of my business and every single one of my clients has said DH is more than welcome to join me even though they've never met him and don't know him from Adam. I've never actually taken them up on the offer as we have our own animals at home, but I love the fact that they're thinking about me and my personal life too.

I think having someone to stay overnight in your home is a huge favour on their part (and yes, I know you look after animals but you don't stay over - it's very different) and asking them to also give up seeing their partner for that length of time is a tad unreasonable.

Just ask her to strip the bed and wash the sheets before she leaves. Surely it's no different to sleeping in a hotel bed in that respect?

Are all the people saying “it’s not fair to expect her not to see her partner for two weeks” missing the point that it’s the friend’s CHOICE to stay at the OP’s bigger house and she could do what’s needed for the OP’s pets if she stayed at home with no restrictions on seeing her boyfriend?

This is gonna be seen as a drip feed and something I probably should have said at the beginning but I didn't want to because it feels kind of unnecessary /mean but it a HUGE part of the context of it all.

So I'm going to be honest and put it out there.

The one occasion I met this man his hygiene was very poor. He smelt very bad and my friend had admitted he has depression badly (they met through their mutual illness) and he really struggles with a routine in that sense.

So that's the main reason I don't wnat them both in my bed.

I know that's really mean but it was very overwhelming.

My friend has ZERO sense of smell. Honestly. She's always been like that which is I guess how it works between them but it is very bad.

I feel like if I would have included that in my OP I would have gooten shredded for being mean :(

Is the house sitting because she just likes staying over so its become part of the mutual deal? Could she go home ? If so, you aren't denying her anything. She likes staying over and is pushing a boundary.

If she can get home easily, then you’re being completely fair! I wouldn’t want a friend having sex in my marital bed either. Yeuch. Honestly don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. She’s the one changing the parameters of your previously mutually beneficial agreement to look after each others pets. Bear in mind though that it may be a deal breaker for her and acknowledge that - so say if she’d rather not pet sit at all, you’ll understand.

Not a big deal at all.

Ask her to change the sheets before you get back.

In honesty that changes everything and in that case (imo) YANBU!

I don’t think YABU op, there’s one thing him coming round for a cuppa, but another a strange man sleeping (no doubt more) in your bed. It would be a hard no for me but then again, if we have family stay over I offer them the king size blow up bed we have because I too don’t particularly like others in the bed me and my hubby share

Well, you can ask all you like but in reality if you're not there, how are you going to stop it?

The alternative is to pay for live-in care, which won't be cheap for you. I charge a minimum of £50 per night for up to two animals - plus an additional fee for any others.

She's saving you an absolute fortune.

Seen your update, no just no. A smelly stranger dribbling on your pillows. 😱

Thank god I don't have pets. Just a burglar alarm.

How many animals do you have?
Ask her to mind your animal at her place because you are having yours insert reason painted, fumigated, insulated, sister is staying....
Lock up your house, don't give a key.
You don't need a house sitter, just put your alarm on.
Alternatively, put your animal into kennels/cattery/whatever.

So you need to say:

Amy, you don't have a sense of smell, but Bob has really terrible body odour.

I don't want him in my house because that smell lingers and I don't want him in my bed.

Surely it's no different to sleeping in a hotel bed in that respect

Of course it's different, isn't it? The mattress you have in your home isn't a mattress in a fucking hotel. There is no expectation for other people to sleep or fuck on it. Someone always trots out this bullshit analogy comparing one's personal bed to the bed in a hotel. 🙄

And I save her an absolute fortune minding her animals constantly?

Well then you’re just going to have to tell her.

People on this site are fucking nuts.

YANBU op. I wouldn’t have some strange man in my house. Full stop.

They’ll be having sex in your marital bed. Yuk.
I wouldn’t allow this at all. Whether he stunk or not, wouldn’t be happening.

Changed my mind then @Biytrer! Bad hygiene smells will linger in the duvet and pillows

The ship has sailed over them shagging in your bed OP. She needs to wash the bedding and you need to not have her there next time as it bothers you. It's fine that it bothers you

I really think you are over thinking this .. if you are really that worried buy a cheap second hand mattress on eBay and swap it for yours .. you are still quids in .. ten days house sitting is a minimum of £500 without the pets !

And? Nobody's forcing you to do it.