Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can I ask friend not to bring her partner round?

281 replies

Biytrer · 01/07/2023 18:54

She's house/pet sitting for me. I mind her pets when she goes away too. I'm leaving her with a full fridge and some spending money for a takeaway etc.

I've a house with big garden and she's in a high rise flat so she does enjoy minding the house.

She has a partner now who I've only met once. She asked if her partner could stay with her the weekends (2)

I felt put on the spot but I really am not wanting this to happen. I barely know the person. We have lots of personal items around the house. I trust my friend completely but I don't know this other person. My husband really isn't happy with them being in our bed (there isn't anywhere else to go)

Is it really bad to ask the person doenst stay over?

OP posts:
GenerallyGreenerGrass · 01/07/2023 19:57

cinnamonfrenchtoast · 01/07/2023 19:52

What's with all the drip feeds? Hmm

Show quote history

Drip feed 😂

Aquamarine1029 · 01/07/2023 19:57

I don’t think you can object to him being there during the day so you might as well make sure he feels welcome…eg two steaks in the fridge instead of one.

Of course she can object to this man being in her home.

cinnamonfrenchtoast · 01/07/2023 19:57

Biytrer · 01/07/2023 19:54

If u started off with this information I'd probably be charged with being a piss troll on a weird jolly seeking adventure

Show quote history

Okay, so tell her he can't stay, which is fine - it's your house.

But you probably need to be prepared for her turn around and say she doesn't want to look after your animals anymore - so can you find (and afford) last minute in-home pet care for that many animals?

DreamTheMoors · 01/07/2023 19:58

Okay, let’s say you tell your friend that you’re uncomfortable with her friend staying because you don’t know him.
She says fine - he won’t stay.
But she nevertheless has him stay anyway.
How would you know the difference?
Get a safe or lock things up in a spare room.

suburbophobe · 01/07/2023 19:59

The more you write about him the more grim he sounds...... I certainly wouldn't want him sleeping in my bed.

And, eh..... 8 animals in a high-rise flat? Awful. (I live in a flat myself).

Original poster
Biytrer · 01/07/2023 20:00

cinnamonfrenchtoast · 01/07/2023 19:57

Okay, so tell her he can't stay, which is fine - it's your house.

But you probably need to be prepared for her turn around and say she doesn't want to look after your animals anymore - so can you find (and afford) last minute in-home pet care for that many animals?

Show quote history

It's her that has alot of animals.

I have 2 small dogs.

OP posts:
cinnamonfrenchtoast · 01/07/2023 20:00

Biytrer · 01/07/2023 20:00

It's her that has alot of animals.

I have 2 small dogs.

Show quote history

I would still be charging a minimum of £50 per night for that - so the question is still whether you can afford to lose her free care and pay someone to come in?

Original poster
Biytrer · 01/07/2023 20:01

suburbophobe · 01/07/2023 19:59

The more you write about him the more grim he sounds...... I certainly wouldn't want him sleeping in my bed.

And, eh..... 8 animals in a high-rise flat? Awful. (I live in a flat myself).

They're 7 rats (1 dog) and have a really nice set up. Don't feel sorry for them, they're really well looked after.

OP posts:
PoseyFlump · 01/07/2023 20:01

Mickey drips. Jesus @Biytrer your friend needs an intervention.

romdowa · 01/07/2023 20:01

Biytrer · 01/07/2023 19:35

I mean she can have him over for dinner and such, I just don't want him sleeping over in my bed 😫

They could go to hers for the nights he's here.

Then just say this to her.

tennesseewhiskey1 · 01/07/2023 20:03

Jesus I fucking hate drip feeds - just be honest or not at all - because now all the people who have advice would re-think!

Just say no OP - and in the future pay for a sitter, then you won’t be in this predicament.

Original poster
Biytrer · 01/07/2023 20:03

cinnamonfrenchtoast · 01/07/2023 20:00

I would still be charging a minimum of £50 per night for that - so the question is still whether you can afford to lose her free care and pay someone to come in?

Show quote history

I can afford it yes but I wouldn't want to. Not because of the cost but because my dogs would be terrified somewhere else.

I'm going to have to have a long think about it all. I don't want to hurt her feelings but it really makes me feel uncomfortable, it's not his fault either.

OP posts:
suburbophobe · 01/07/2023 20:04

They're 7 rats (1 dog) and have a really nice set up. Don't feel sorry for them, they're really well looked after.

I'm sure they are. Just not my cup of tea.

Aquamarine1029 · 01/07/2023 20:04

If she's really your friend, you should be honest with her about how disgusting and filthy her new boyfriend is.

Original poster
Biytrer · 01/07/2023 20:05

tennesseewhiskey1 · 01/07/2023 20:03

Jesus I fucking hate drip feeds - just be honest or not at all - because now all the people who have advice would re-think!

Just say no OP - and in the future pay for a sitter, then you won’t be in this predicament.

Apologies but I was trying not to make things personal and put out too many details.

I thought it would be really mean to start a thread saying this guy smells 😫 but as the thread went on it was hard to get people to understand my reluctantly without that detail.

OP posts:
flimsywhimsy · 01/07/2023 20:06

I think you'll either have to be honest that you don't want him coming over (maybe let DH take the 'blame' for not wanting other men in the bed) or make other arrangements for your pets. The problem is that you won't know for certain whether she has him over or not.

I don't think I could bring myself to tell her that her partner smells, but I wouldn't want him in my bed, either.

midsomermurderess · 01/07/2023 20:06

You sound quite neurotic.

Original poster
Biytrer · 01/07/2023 20:07

Aquamarine1029 · 01/07/2023 20:04

If she's really your friend, you should be honest with her about how disgusting and filthy her new boyfriend is.

I think she knows to an extent because she's told me about his struggles (he has a physical disability too which makes it difficult for him to keep a physical hyheine routine unaided) but because she has no sense of smell I don't think she realises how bad it is to other people?

OP posts:
ZekeZeke · 01/07/2023 20:08

Your 2 small dogs stay at hers? Simple!!!
What's another 2 to her 8?
How the actual F is she allowed 8 animals in a flat. GRIM

Original poster
Biytrer · 01/07/2023 20:08

midsomermurderess · 01/07/2023 20:06

You sound quite neurotic.

Well I have an anxiety disorder myself and ADHD so I probably am. Thanks for pointing it out though.

OP posts:
cinnamonfrenchtoast · 01/07/2023 20:08

Biytrer · 01/07/2023 20:03

I can afford it yes but I wouldn't want to. Not because of the cost but because my dogs would be terrified somewhere else.

I'm going to have to have a long think about it all. I don't want to hurt her feelings but it really makes me feel uncomfortable, it's not his fault either.

Show quote history

I'm talking about in-home pet care.

That's what I charge to stay in someone's home each night to care for their pets while they're away, assuming I can go about my business as normal. Prices for that range from about £35 per night (plus walks) to £75 ish per night.

ForTheSakeOfThePenguin · 01/07/2023 20:10

Just say that your husband is not happy about him being around. It is not a lie and it is not uncommon.

Whether they will take good care of your house us a lottery, a female friend of mine brought her boyfriend to stay and I came back to find a house cleaner than it was before I left, a card, a box of chocolates and some flowers. A male friend asked if he could bring his wife and I cannot believe the bloody damage she caused to the house in a single weekend, she made a home in a piece of furniture, left scratches on the wall, used all my toiletries, my spices, damaged the floor of the dining room to the point it needed replacing and decided to do some gardening damaging some of my plants. She also used DP favourite of spirit that normally he brings from abroad for cooking and stained the new mattress with tea (I want to think)

They have been volunteering to dog sit when I travel, fuck that, even my dog finds it difficult to put up with her.

Aquamarine1029 · 01/07/2023 20:10

Biytrer · 01/07/2023 20:07

I think she knows to an extent because she's told me about his struggles (he has a physical disability too which makes it difficult for him to keep a physical hyheine routine unaided) but because she has no sense of smell I don't think she realises how bad it is to other people?

Show quote history

Then the conversation is easy, the issue is already known to her. You can just tell her honestly why you don't want him in your home, especially sleeping in your bed, and his odour is much, much worse than she realises.

Original poster
Biytrer · 01/07/2023 20:10

ZekeZeke · 01/07/2023 20:08

Your 2 small dogs stay at hers? Simple!!!
What's another 2 to her 8?
How the actual F is she allowed 8 animals in a flat. GRIM

So in one breath you say 8 animals in a flat is grim but then your suggestion is to add another 2? 🤔

She has a small dog and a mischief of rats in one very large enclosure. There's hardly animals running all over the place.

OP posts:
ForTheSakeOfThePenguin · 01/07/2023 20:11

A hole on a piece of furniture, not a home…