Can I ask friend not to bring her partner round?

[Biytrer]

She's house/pet sitting for me. I mind her pets when she goes away too. I'm leaving her with a full fridge and some spending money for a takeaway etc.

I've a house with big garden and she's in a high rise flat so she does enjoy minding the house.

She has a partner now who I've only met once. She asked if her partner could stay with her the weekends (2)

I felt put on the spot but I really am not wanting this to happen. I barely know the person. We have lots of personal items around the house. I trust my friend completely but I don't know this other person. My husband really isn't happy with them being in our bed (there isn't anywhere else to go)

Is it really bad to ask the person doenst stay over?

Personally, no, I wouldn't be comfortable with a random man I didn't know sleeping in my bed. I think it's very different to having a friend sleep over. I think if she wants to see her boyfriend, they can meet up for dinner or at his for a few hours. It's 10 days. Dh and I regularly went longer than that between seeing each other when dating as we were long distance. Presumably, she could just stay at hers and then come back to yours in the morning for the animals, same as you do.

Fwiw, when I used to house/pet sit, I would never have dreamed of inviting someone I was dating over to stay. We could easily have just met somewhere else.

If you trust here judgement with your property, trust her judgement with a partner.

Her partner who smells like piss?

You can say no.

He'll probably stay anyway.

Then you'll smell his stale piss the second you walk in the door. You catch a whiff of it, or wonder if you had, for weeks afterwards.

Then the friendship is ruined as she lied to you.

There's no solution to this.

You can say no to the partner, but she may then say no to helping at all - both are reasonable.

Absolutely not. You don't know anything about him, and she barely does either. He might be fine, or he might fuck you over. He doesn't know you so will have little sense of loyalty to you or care for your things. Just say sorry, he cannot stay. If that's a problem, you're happy to find a paid pet sitter.

Only read the first page, not all the drip feeds.

Time to find an alternative solution rather than mutually helping then as resentment clearly building about fair trade of service and piss smelling partner. 🙄

I'd be uncomfortable with the hygiene element is this but wouldn't know how to tell her either. Im a bit OCD with germs so also wouldn't want others people's sex juices on my mattress 😅 I think you either to say you or DH don't want another man in your bed or you could just buy a cheap mattress topper plus bedding and put it on for when you away

I couldn't have him in my house at all, I'm afraid. No way. Her standards must be incredibly low.

Whats YABU?

OP saying she has 8 animals made it sound like she had loads of dogs and a donkey or something! You’ve been very disingenuous on this thread.

I think it’s quite clear what the AIBU is, or do you need it spelling out word for word to stop the pedantry? So boring.

If she does not accept your conditions, you will be paying a complete stranger to sleep in your bed

If you’re paying her a wage (and not just food), I guess you can set parameters.
if it’s just food and odd takeaway you can’t blame her for not wanting to be on her own.

i think either accept it or look elsewhere for professional house sitters as it may come across a bit cheeky.

You don't know whether he'll stay with her in the OP's home for the whole 10 days or even be left on his own if she went to the shops etc. I wouldn't want a stranger sleeping in my bed or living in my house with the house-sitter.
If he was a long term partner that might be different but he's a new partner so even the house-sitter doesn't really know him and remember...we never really know how our friends behave behind closed doors.
There are lots of threads from Mumsnetters who have experienced surprising and disappointing behaviour from so-called friends, either personally or behind their back.

I have one of the other colours but it was a couple of seasons ago when the side-stripe pants were all the rage.

Charming. Youve spelt AIBU but it was written as YAMU by the OP. And no i dont know what it stands for.

Are you asking what the acronym means?

There Am I Being Unreasonable, and You Are Being Unreasonable.

They’re! Bloody autocorrect!!

Thanks for clarifying

When I initially read the tag line I thought you meant bringing their partner round when someone comes to see you & in that case I would think something massive has happened between you & the partner to hate being around them so much & say you have every right to say you don’t want them in your house but that isn’t the case here.

In this case I would talk to your friend, explain how you don’t really feel comfortable with someone you don’t know possibly staying at your house BUT I would trust her if she vouched for the partner.
That way if anything happens in your home/to your things she has accepted responsibility as she has assured you the partner is of good character.

They may not stay over while you are away BUT with a big garden to take advantage of on an evening I’d expect them to feel able to enjoy that space if they want to.

House sitters are expensive so you are getting a really good deal here so maybe just trust your friend & her house partner.

Do you not use a mattress protector???? I thought that was a given these days with people understanding more about sweat & germ transfer.

Now that you have explained the issue I understand & sympathise a bit more.
The extra info is very relevant & I am sure it changes many opinions of the situation.

I have ADHD & one of my symptoms is a hyper sense of smell.
Smells like urine, BO, stinky feet etc can literally make me physically sick so I get where you are coming from on that one & I would be reluctant to let the partner stay for that reason too.
I don’t understand how people can live smelling like that but I understand why they can end up smelling like that so I try not to judge BUT I wouldn’t be happy with them staying in my home & sleeping in my bed as the smells are ones that really, really linger for me.
Speak you your friend, she will understand. Hopefully they are what each other needs & she can help him clean himself up ❤

Is it morally and socially acceptable to fuck a new - bonus points if rancid - boyfriend in your friend's marital bed? Does that appeal to you? Would you do that (morally and socially) to your friend?

Go somewhere busy, look around and tell me that you wouldn't mind most and any of the men you can see, lounging around your house and sleeping and sweating and wanking in your bed.
If you're OK with that idea, I want to know where in the UK you live!