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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my DH to nap during the day?

182 replies

3littlebirdz · 01/07/2023 16:38

Example today: DH had to work today between 11 and 3. He had to take photographs at a conference. He is a part time photographer.

I have been looking after two very hyperactive twin boys (3) since 6am. (After a week of working full time)

And he comes home and falls asleep on the sofa. Says "come on 3birdz I have been work all day, just gonna have a power nap for an hour or so". So I'm still solo parenting then .

He naps a lot. Maybe 3 or 4 times a week. Never for longer than an hour
He says I'm being v mean to say that's not OK.

Am I?

OP posts:
TeaKitten · 01/07/2023 16:42

Depends if he does his fair share the rest of the time really. Why is he part time? Does he do the bulk of the childcare?

Caspianberg · 01/07/2023 16:45

Why did you solo parent from 6am, when he only worked from 11am? What was he doing 6-10am

Original poster
3littlebirdz · 01/07/2023 16:45

Not really. The kids are in nursery full time. He does photography part time and then other bits and pieces. He wants to be full time just not always lots of work. He does do cooking dinner, but never cleans or does admin.

But I just feel resentment seeing him sprawled out on the sofa. I'd rather he went upstairs. I just hate looking after the boys and tidying up round him

OP posts:
Original poster
3littlebirdz · 01/07/2023 16:46

@Caspianberg sleeping and then getting ready.

OP posts:
Doggymummar · 01/07/2023 16:47

Having just woken from a two hour nap I say leave him alone! So long as you get one tomorrow, all's fair in naps and war.n

DustyLee123 · 01/07/2023 16:47

How often does he give you a lie in ?

VivaVivaa · 01/07/2023 16:48

What if you stated you were going to have a nap/do whatever you wanted for an hour when he wakes up?

DustyLee123 · 01/07/2023 16:48

Does he do his fair share of nursery drop off/pick ups ?

Undisclosedlocation · 01/07/2023 16:49

So he gets 4 hours ‘hobby’ time to nap and you get the same amount of time to do whatever you want to while he looks after the kids then

If that is in some way unacceptable to His Lordship, then wake the git up every time he nods off!

SeeingSpots · 01/07/2023 16:50

It's not normal for adults to nap for an hour 3/4 days a week is his health otherwise ok?

You're not being at all unreasonable to be frustrated at his attitude. I'm sure there's lots of things you'd like to do but as the parent of twin 3 year olds you don't get to just switch off for a while just because you fancy a break.

Gowlett · 01/07/2023 16:50

I work most Sundays. DH takes care of DS. When the get in, he’s straight into bed (DH that is) as he’s so tired. I have DS all of the other days, and I never need a nap. YANBU.

Original poster
3littlebirdz · 01/07/2023 16:54

@Doggymummar do you have twin toddlers? Or small children? A 2 hour nap seems like a luxury to me. Lovely if you can get it...

If I bugger off for an hour when he wakes up he will crack on and look after the kids but he'll definitely make some shitty comment about being petty or "transactional" as he puts it.

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 01/07/2023 16:54

He should be sleeping upstairs. There should be equal downtime. Some people need power naps. How old is he?

JMSA · 01/07/2023 16:56

I love a nap. Sorry.
If you get the time back, then I think it's fine. If not, then it's not ok.

Original poster
3littlebirdz · 01/07/2023 16:57

@SeeingSpots he is in his early 40s and in good health. Goes gym 3 times a week. His dad naps all the time too. He says it's perfectly normal. My DM and DF would never dream of napping during the day so it's unusual to me.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 01/07/2023 16:57

3littlebirdz · 01/07/2023 16:54

@Doggymummar do you have twin toddlers? Or small children? A 2 hour nap seems like a luxury to me. Lovely if you can get it...

If I bugger off for an hour when he wakes up he will crack on and look after the kids but he'll definitely make some shitty comment about being petty or "transactional" as he puts it.

So what? It is transactional. You don't owe him time off from his twins to nap.

Tell him to go upstairs and he takes over fully when he comes down.... For the same length of time.

VivaVivaa · 01/07/2023 16:58

If I bugger off for an hour when he wakes up he will crack on and look after the kids but he'll definitely make some shitty comment about being petty or "transactional" as he puts it

He’s completely unreasonable then. Parenting 3 yo twins on a background of working full time is a SLOG and you both need equal downtime. Of course it is almost transactional. I’m angry for you that he thinks his nap is reasonable but your downtime isn’t!

SeeingSpots · 01/07/2023 16:59

3littlebirdz · 01/07/2023 16:57

@SeeingSpots he is in his early 40s and in good health. Goes gym 3 times a week. His dad naps all the time too. He says it's perfectly normal. My DM and DF would never dream of napping during the day so it's unusual to me.

I'm surprised to read he's generally quite healthy, it's absolutely not normal for any one in their 40s to need to nap 3/4 days a week. What would he do if he had a full time job??

AuntyMabelandPippin · 01/07/2023 17:00

I'd just get the DC to jump all over him.

Original poster
3littlebirdz · 01/07/2023 17:02

You know what it is? It's just the lack of concern if I'm tired. I did say "oi DH I've been running after DC all day" and he said "yeah and I've been working" and 2 mins later he's asleep

But maybe he could post saying "my wife doesn't care I work weekends" or something!

OP posts:
Cakesandbabes · 01/07/2023 17:02

SeeingSpots · 01/07/2023 16:59

I'm surprised to read he's generally quite healthy, it's absolutely not normal for any one in their 40s to need to nap 3/4 days a week. What would he do if he had a full time job??

Show quote history

I sometimes take longer lunch to have a nap.
In some cultures naps are absolutely normal and people are healthy.... They are actually good! But should be under half an hour.

Cakesandbabes · 01/07/2023 17:03

The unfairness would grate though

Dillydollydingdong · 01/07/2023 17:06

I think it's normal to have a nap in the daytime. I do occasionally.

Fandabedodgy · 01/07/2023 17:08

He's in a bad habit. He needs to
Go to bed at a decent time. Naps means he's not getting enough sleep at night.

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