To not want my DH to nap during the day?

[3littlebirdz]

Example today: DH had to work today between 11 and 3. He had to take photographs at a conference. He is a part time photographer.

I have been looking after two very hyperactive twin boys (3) since 6am. (After a week of working full time)

And he comes home and falls asleep on the sofa. Says "come on 3birdz I have been work all day, just gonna have a power nap for an hour or so". So I'm still solo parenting then .

He naps a lot. Maybe 3 or 4 times a week. Never for longer than an hour
He says I'm being v mean to say that's not OK.

Am I?

I love napping.

I don’t get to when we have children to look after and stuff to get done.

He works part time and hardly did a) a full day or b) a strenuous day.

He sounds lazy.

My DH comes from a family of nappers. I embraced it. If you don't need to nap take your alloted nap time for an activity of your choice

The reason you are having to resort to being transactional is that your DP is only taking and not offering support.
If he was naturally stepping up to ensure that he gave you the same support you give him then you wouldn't have to be transactional.
Until he is able to think of you as well as yourself then you are going to have to be transactional and that is very much on him to change.

Is he more useful after the nap? If he is dragging himself about without a nap and much more useful after one I’d rather my DP had a nap.

If he wanted a nap and a rest after working (for 4 whole hours) he should have done the morning shift and looked after the kids this morning. He can't have it all ways. I'm guessing you don't come home from working all day and go for a nap?

I don’t really think the nap is the issue.
The issue is you don’t get the same amount of downtime or child free time as him. So leave your DC with DH and go out for an hour alone.

I love a nap but I don’t think they happen when you have small kids. Unless they are napping of course.

if he’s been dealing with the kids since 6am giving you a lie in then gone to work then fine. But he hasn’t. Lazy!

It would piss me off. However, I believe recently research has shown that napping tends to be genetic. If this is the case, he still needs to make sure you get equal down time.

20 minute naps create psychopaths

Can you come to some.sort of arrangement like he can have Saturdays to work and nap or whatever he wants and you have Sundays to do what you want. You can spend time together in the evenings and family time if you book it in with eachother.

As a fan of naps, I still agree.

You need to get fair time iff which means he needa to pick up aome more at home. So you can also enjoy nap 😁

Hour+ long create confused zombies. At leaat in my case.
What, who where, what year is it🤣
30-40 min is my ideal

I think focusing on the nap as the unreasonable thing (evidently debatable from this thread...although Id feel like you do) is taking attention away from the real issue, which is the inequity in your relationship. Yanbu to expect a partner to do their fair share (and from what you say, he doesn't).

Parenting during the early years is transactional IMO...its what got me through them!

I think if he gets 1 hour nap time then when he wakes up you walk straight upstairs for your own equal downtime.

If he says this is transactional - let him. Say something non committal and off you pop for a nice chill.

only thing that would piss me off is him asleep on the sofa, if your tired go nap in bed

I agree with pp's. This isn't a out napping per se, it's about the inequality in the relationship. Sort it out now else it will blow up even bigger further down the line.

@Cakesandbabes now you mention it, I'm the same. I napped once on Christmas Eve pre-children and DP woke me up saying it was Christmas. I'd bought him a great surprise I was really excited to give him and burst into tears when he told me he was joking 🤣

It's not normal for adults to nap for an hour 3/4 days a week is his health otherwise ok? it absolutely is normal, on much of the continent a siesta is the done thing.

Plenty of studies out recently showing that naps are beneficial to our health and reduce the chances of dementia.

But it’s not his having a nap that is the issue, it’s the fact that he’s not pulling his weight the rest of the time.

If the OP had similar downtime, whether that be to have a nap or do something just for her, then the nap likely wouldn’t come up as a problem.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

I feel your pain. We have two young children and my partner always naps! He takes all the lay-ins. I haven't had a lay in since our 3 year old was born. He's selfish with his sleep. I'll be up from 5am and he will get up around 9 and still buggers off for a nap 🙄

YANBU. My exH did this - home from work and off to bed for 2 hours while I run ran round after this kids and made dinner - we had the same professional job!
It's selfish opting out.

I'd drop the childcare tbh. If he only works part time the kids can be with him more. You might find that he finds more work pretty quickly.

Why do you put up with this?

Naps are amazing. YABU for questioning the naps!

However, the hour off from parenting to nap needs to be reciprocated. You don't have to nap if you don't want to, but you should be able to do something just for you.

We have toddler twins and this would drive me insane. My husband already naps more than I do. He also goes to bed, has more evenings out and runs in the evening. What he doesn't do is half-ass things in the day time because being left alone with the babies is a hard hard shift.

We sometimes divide the day to do jobs around the house or whatever. The person who is gardening or building doesn't have the harder time of it and going to work and being a grown up is the best gig of all.

We take 20 minute naps and strictly on fair rotation.