To not want my DH to nap during the day?

[3littlebirdz]

Example today: DH had to work today between 11 and 3. He had to take photographs at a conference. He is a part time photographer.

I have been looking after two very hyperactive twin boys (3) since 6am. (After a week of working full time)

And he comes home and falls asleep on the sofa. Says "come on 3birdz I have been work all day, just gonna have a power nap for an hour or so". So I'm still solo parenting then .

He naps a lot. Maybe 3 or 4 times a week. Never for longer than an hour
He says I'm being v mean to say that's not OK.

Am I?

Has he always been a napper or just since the children were born?

This ^

Have you experience as a parent of young twins? I work in childcare regularly have 3 under 3 but I can tell you twins are a whole new level of hard work.

The napping isn't the issue. The fucking off to leave you to solo parent so that he gets far more time to himself than you do (you work more hours and parent more hours) is the issue.

If you love someone, you don't run them into the ground so you can enjoy your leisure.

How exhausting exactly is a four photography session? Does it compare to a 12 hour shift down the pit? He sounds somewhat feeble to me. Please insist that he visits his GP to get his iron and B12 levels checked.

Obstructive sleep apnea? How are is sats?

With my hyper 3 yo I put him in front of the TV for an hour when I want my nap. I think you need to stop treating them like babies. It’s ridiculous that you’re with them from 6am - they are old enough to play in their rooms until 7 surely

When he comes in next time be ready pick up your coat; bag & keys; then say they’re all yours I’m off out for a couple of hours, get in the car & drive away go & do something nice just for you ; a manicure, your hair done; meet a friend for a meal, don’t forget to put your phone on silent though!! You know he will phone you & text you continuously but unless he says the house is burning down ignore him he’s learning a valuable lesson; being at home with toddlers is bloody demanding; hard work & knackering he will have a whole new respect for you after, he might sulk like a frozen prick for an hour or two but he will realise he’s been a twat !! Stand firm x

About 20 mins is a "power nap" isn't it?

An hour or more is surely a sleep?

You could always take my approach and just tell him outright that's he's behaving like a selfish bastard 🙈 I do sometimes think I'm a bit too assertive with my feelings 🤣

Naps are perfectly normal but it’s an each to their own basis. You just need to take some time so you can have one too. One of life’s little luxuries.

If he says it’s transactional just reply “You’re right, it is. And unfortunately since you work part time at a hobby job, don’t manage the house, and don’t care for the children I’m afraid you’re well into your overdraft. Have fun!”

Because really, if he’s piddling around trying to book a few clients a week then it absolutely is a hobby job. Men that nap in communal areas and force everyone to tiptoe around them are a huge pet peeve of mine but his general uselessness and disrespect towards you are the main issues here.

What rubbish. Naps are not a bad habit - it’s a normal healthy activity that boosts energy in the afternoon. Plenty of people have at least 8 hours every night and still benefit from an afternoon nap.

I absolutely love a daytime nap and have one often.

But you should both be getting a bit of a break not just him. He sounds selfish.

Go for a bath, meet a friend, go and lie on the bed and read/watch tv?

I do understand naps can be good for your health. But I just can't imagine napping that much. I just accept toddler twins plus full time work plus house/family....you're a bit strung out and I hope things ease as they get older. I go to bed early but when the kids are awake (6 - 7) I seem to be pretty much on my feet. And if I leave them with DH I'm probably doing something like washing or running errand. I know I sound like I'm being a martyr but isn't that the reality of the 0-5 years when you're both working??

But I was bought up with "on the go" parents who would never nap or watch daytime telly. So possibly my own bias. Hence me coming on here.

If I matched his time off hour for hour (3 naps, 3 gym sessions, few hours of video games) we just wouldn't get the basics done...it's not as simple as me takin the time back, shit has to be done.

I will try to do more for myself. And stick up for myself. But I want to feel we are in it together. Not that I go sit in the garden for an hour to teach him a lesson which is how it will feel/be interpreted

He’s taking the piss. If he’d been up with them THEN worked, fair enough. Why are people getting derailed by the fact he naps, that’s irrelevant- it’s the luxury of just assuming the kids are sorted, because you’re there.
My DH was like this in the early years (pub or similar rather than naps, and he worked more so felt total justification) - but he has stepped up. Had to force it though. Some guys are not going to automatically think “god she’ll be shattered as well”- you have to present it as a fait accompli: I’m out/done at X hour and you are looking after kids.
The more they look after kids, the more they get it and becomes a bit more equal

I just accept toddler twins plus full time work plus house/family....you're a bit strung out and I hope things ease as they get older.

You do....

shit has to be done.

Well maybe he can do more of his own shit so you can get a bit of time off to go to the gym or sleep.

Normal for whom?

My husband does this too and it does my head in! To me if you are tired go to bed earlier but no he'll nap at busy time of evening and then go to bed at 1am or something 😡😡

(in your opinion)

Agree you both should be getting equal amounts of rest but life with you both working and twin toddlers sounds stressful, especially for you. Would it not be possible to get in some help/cut down hours at work so can get in as much rest as him?

YANBU op. I'm betting he'll no longer work weekends once the twins are older and weekend are a rest from work!

My H did that - a self employed job at the weekends that he definitely extended to have his own time. But suddenly stopped doing it when DS was about 6/7 and weekends were easier. He now wonders why I have 2 very close single mum friends (they were also on their own at weekends).

Tell him to bugger if with his transactional bullshit.

So you work full time, look after 2 twins and he works part time and naps a lot?

@Parkandpicnic I don't want to reduce my hours. Since having DC I feel more driven to earn as much as possible - mortgage is crazy (same as lots of people) and I want to save for their future - and feel that is on me. I see reducing hours often on threads as a recommendation and I just don't know anyone who can really afford to do that.

Has he worked all week then extra today? If so then a short nap is fine, but once awake I'd go for a long bath, walk to a cafe etc to get some peace for an hour.