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Original poster

To feel anxious and ungrateful that he booked a surprise holiday

179 replies

Jodie123jofie · 01/07/2023 11:49

My maternity cover teaching contract is coming to an end and I've been there since September. No jobs were going at the school and I live in a competitive area so haven't managed to secure a teaching job for September so back on supply. This isn't the end of the world, as I've been on supply in the past and been lucky to have long-terms.

So during the summer holidays, I will have no pay and I'm stressed. DP has a job which can cover us and I have about £4000 in savings but I've been applying for summer jobs/part-time but i haven't managed to find one (I suppose a lot of summer jobs are made for younger people rather than 29 year olds).

So DP has booked a surprise holiday for the 2nd and 3rd week of summer and I acted happy of course but on the inside I feel really anxious and tight-chested about it. I'll have no money for 6 weeks (I do have holiday pay but it'll be £950 spread over 6 weeks) and then I don't know what September will bring.

Yes I can spend my savings but with the mortgage and this holiday, I feel unbelievably anxious :( I've spoken to DP about my anxieties and he just reassures me that all I'll be paying for is half the hotel and food as he's covered the flight and it's a relatively cheap country we're going to in terms of how much things cost.

I cried to myself last night though as I feel like such a failure!! Why couldn't I secure a job for September?? How am I going to keep myself sane over the summer?? Why does it feel everyone else can get a contracted job but me :( and this holiday and emphasised it even more as rather than looking forward to a well-earned break and holiday, I feel just anxious

OP posts:
Bholli · 01/07/2023 11:51

he just reassures me that all I'll be paying for is half the hotel and food

You’re not wrong to feel so upset, I’d also feel angry that he did this unilaterally! He’s not being at all empathic or supportive to your situation, is he? If he wants to go on holiday he needs to pay for the whole thing.

Original poster
Jodie123jofie · 01/07/2023 11:54

@Bholli it's a country in Asia were going to and the hotels are of course cheaper in terms of economy. So we can get a 5* hotel for £40 but it'll still be for a 2 week holiday £400 probably!

I feel awful being ungrateful as he said he's booked it because he knows how stressed I've been the past 3 months applying for jobs and getting upset when I haven't got the job that he wanted to cheer me up but it seems to have done the opposite :(

OP posts:
TheSecretHistoryOfGoldfinchTartt · 01/07/2023 11:57

If it’s that cheap is there any reason why he can’t pay for it all

AnotherEmma · 01/07/2023 11:58

WTF, why isn't he paying for the hotel as well as the flight?! It's not exactly generous of him when you're out of work and stressed about finding something else!

How much does he earn? How much does he have in savings? Do you have a joint mortgage and pay it 50/50? How do you split the other bills between you?

Original poster
Jodie123jofie · 01/07/2023 11:58

@TheSecretHistoryOfGoldfinchTartt because the flights have cost about £1800 for the two of us. It's honestly stressing me out because money doesn't seem a big thing for him whereas, as a supply, I could be on nothing for the first 2 weeks of September

OP posts:
titchy · 01/07/2023 12:00

I'd be pissed off too. 'Surprise - I've just spend £400 of your money for you!'

batmansbike · 01/07/2023 12:00

You can't book someone a surprise holiday and then expect them give you half the money! No wonder you feel anxious.

Blossomtoes · 01/07/2023 12:00

Why don’t you just talk to him? Tell him you appreciate his thoughtfulness and just be straight that he’ll have to pay for the whole thing.

AnotherEmma · 01/07/2023 12:01

Btw, you can claim new-style Jobseeker's Allowance which is only £84.80/week but is better than nothing.

Bills should be paid in proportion to income, so when you have no/low income, he should be paying most or all of them.

Is this a partnership or not?! It doesn't sound like it.

isthewashingdryyet · 01/07/2023 12:01

Just been on another thread about childcare in the holidays, can you look at holiday play schemes or nannying or some other form of childcare over the summer holidays. Looks like some parents are desperate for a child care professional over the six weeks holidays

Summerslimtime · 01/07/2023 12:01

You'll be fine!

Just chill and enjoy the rest. You might not get a break like this again. There is plenty of work out there, even if it's just temporary office work.

Be excited about your break! Life is short!

LaBefana · 01/07/2023 12:02

Christ, that's mad! We thought a grand for a week in Toulouse was pushing the boat out! Split equally as we have separate money,

Original poster
Jodie123jofie · 01/07/2023 12:02

@isthewashingdryyet yes I was thinking of ringing my agency next week and seeing if they do nursery nurse work over the summer as well. Even if it's 2-3 days a week once I'm back, at least it's something!
Not sure if agencies do nurseries over the summer though so I'll have to look into it!

OP posts:
putthatdownsteve · 01/07/2023 12:02

Hang on, he booked the holiday but you have to pay half the hotel and food?

Yea, that is a bloody surprise!

Summerslimtime · 01/07/2023 12:04

Food in Asia- assuming somewhere like Thailand or Vietnam is incredibly cheap.

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 01/07/2023 12:04

Tell him he booked it he can pay all the costs since money isn't a issue for him.
Why do couples have his and her money? Just put it together in a big pot.

Original poster
Jodie123jofie · 01/07/2023 12:04

@Summerslimtime I think that's why I'm feeling upset, because I should be excited as I've had such a busy year, had inspectors in the school, quite a challenging class, and I've been working at home every night as well, so I should be welcoming the holiday but instead I'm crying about it!

OP posts:
NotMyDayJob · 01/07/2023 12:05

I would just say I can't afford it. I had an ex that did this and they just couldn't understand why I wasn't happy. They had paid for the whole thing, but it was when I was a student over the holidays and it meant a week I couldn't work so a week's lost pay and honestly, I needed the money.

They didn't understand because they were slightly older and I was the first year to pay tuition fees and not get a grant so not being able to earn for a week made a big difference to me.

I was young and stupid though so I went. The relationship didn't last.

gamerchick · 01/07/2023 12:05

Tell him that there's no way you can afford it right now and he'll have to cover the entire cost and you'll owe your share when you have employment again.

This will chew your insides up. It's not worth it, pull off the plaster.

LeonoraFlorence · 01/07/2023 12:05

He hasn’t booked you a surprise holiday. He’s booked
you a flight. I feel for you, I wouldn’t go unless he was paying for the hotel/meals as otherwise, you’ll not even manage to enjoy it.

jojo2202 · 01/07/2023 12:06

sorry he shouldn't have booked anything if he expects you to pay half the hotel. if it was him gifting you the holiday then that's different. you don't have to act happy...tell him you aren't going.

MargotBamborough · 01/07/2023 12:06

Can you do exam marking over the summer? Tuition? Holiday childcare?

I would be upset too, if he's taking you on a surprise holiday he should be prepared to pay for all of it.

Summerslimtime · 01/07/2023 12:09

Op, you can afford 200 out of your 4k for a holiday of a lifetime, you really can.

Hadalifeonce · 01/07/2023 12:12

Well, he's charming. He's booked a surprise holiday for you, lovely. Then he's given you a bill for it when he knows you have no income!

When my DH booked a surprise weekend away last year. He used the money from his own funds, joint accounts, but personal spending transferred to separate accounts. He had cut down on his own spending to pay for everything,.

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 01/07/2023 12:15

You don't book a surprise holiday and expect the other person to pay.

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