To be quite rude to kids wanting to engage with me?

[Brieandcran]

I know - I sound like a really horrible person here and maybe I am, but I’m wondering about this.

It feels like nearly every time I take my very young children to a park or soft play someone else’s child or children latches onto us and it’s really irritating. Today I was at the playground in the morning and two little boys were there and would not stop trying to get my attention. I was saying to my eldest that a piece of equipment was for bigger children and these two kids were shouting across me that no it wasn’t, they went on it, watch, watch. I ignored at first but ended up saying something like ‘thank you but I need to focus on my own children.’ Then ‘where is your mummy or daddy?’ But they just carried on.

I also had it at soft play (with a different family) where someone actually had a go at ME for their misbehaviour and I had to quite sharply say they weren’t my kids!

I don’t want to be unpleasant about it but when they don’t listen to not now, go and find your mummy or whatever - what the hell do you do? I really want to be playing with my own children not someone else’s!

You don’t need to be rude. You just need to use a brisk tone of you don’t want to engage and say ‘well done, I’m going to watch my own child on the slide now’

But bear in mind one day it’ll be a godsend when other children approach yours and want to play with them at the park or soft play.

You can't expect other kids to understand what adults view as social norms.

Personally I was and am happy to have other kids latch onto me and join in playing with my kids, usually they will wander off pretty quickly anyway so it's not a big deal

Otherwise, just chat to them for a minute or two and then just politely say "nice to talk to you, I'm going to play with xx" now and jobs a good un.

I get that @Skinnermarink but they just will not stop trying to talk to me. I’m not sure what you mean about godsend - the kids were wanting to talk to me, not my children. Obviously I don’t mind seven year olds making friends with other kids of a similar age but that’s not what I’m talking about.

It's not rude for you to refuse to engage with random children. The ones who are being rude are the kids in question and the parents who allow them to behave like that.

It seems such a non issue

I know @Frabbits which I guess is why I do feel there should be some supervision even if only from a distance although I do appreciate it’s difficult with multiple children! I never thought I’d be such a grouch but it’s really impeding on my enjoyment and adding another layer of stress onto such outings when you are being irritated with kids getting in your face!

I can’t imagine meeting this number of persistent children in all honesty, and as a nanny and a parent I’m at soft play or the park all the bloody time. It’s rare not to be able to shake them off after a token comment or two on their brilliant climbing or whatever.

If this is really happening nearly every time you're out with your kids then you're either making far too much eye contact with other kids or you're being performative with your own kids and drawing them in.

Have you tried waving a stick and shouting 'get off my lawn' to them?

This. I spent aeons solo with young DS down the years at various parks, playgrounds and soft plays, not to mention various messy church/stay and play/ playgroup village hall type activities, and I've never encountered such persistent attempts to engage with me on the part of other children.

It probably does from the outside if you like. When you’re already a bit overwhelmed meeting everyone’s needs and shattered it just feels so irritating. We used to go to the library Thursday afternoons and then onto a playground but I actually stopped as one little girl was so persistent in trying to play with mine (only a toddler) that neither of us were having much fun. We also had a kid latch onto us on holiday going on endlessly about steam trains - both DH and I told him to go back to his parents please but he just wouldn’t and short of standing up and yelling WHO’S CHILD IS THIS you end up stuck with them!

Sorry - grouch! Just needed a whinge, been a long morning, nap time now … thank god!

InTheGardenShed · Today 13:15
It seems such a non issue”

It really isn’t. Used to happen to me too, every single bloody time.

Does it really matter though if another kid comes over and plays with your child for a minute or 2? No need for it to stress you out, just roll with it. They'll get bored soon enough and wander off.

@Bunbuns3 we’re not quite at the point of never leaving the house but equally, I’m not going to pretend engaging with and supervising multiple kids is enjoyable for me, it isn’t.

I wouldn’t personally let my own children do this, I do think it’s really rude to be honest.

but in the situations you describe it sounds like it’s your children they’re trying to ‘latch on to’ (befriend?!) and not you but you’re the gatekeeper.

OP, I do get it. Happens to me quite a lot as well. Some parents seem to think that we enjoy having their kids tagging along and speaking with us when we just want to be left alone.
A brisk 'That's lovely. Off you go and play now as we are busy today ' usually does the trick.

It’s not a minute or two though is it? I was stuck with these kids for an hour! And at the soft play, no one would have thought they were my children if they had spoken to mine for a ‘minute or two.’

Kids following you around, demanding attention, interrupting you when you’re talking to your own children, cutting in when your children are talking to you, arghh. Got myself annoyed again 😂

Thanks @TinaTeaspoons , I’ll join you on the grumpy bench - it is driving me mad!

I understand what you mean. Mine are older now but when they were pre-school age we were ALWAYS the family that others seemed to latch onto. I think honestly a lot of the time it's because their parents weren't really playing with them whereas we were always with ours in the soft play or next to them in the playground. It drove me crazy- I don't want to be responsible for other people's kids!!
In the end I was quite rude and ignored all other kids as much as possible.

Are you this unpleasant to people in real life too or only when you can hide behind a screen?

I actually find this upsetting because normally the kids round here doing this are being parented by shit adults who ignore them and they just want someone to talk to them.

A dad I know was in the park the other day with his 4 year old and another one. Apparently the other mum juat walked off to the shops when she saw he'd latched onto this dad, without a word. She was gone an hour.

My kids never had the opportunity to potter over and share their unsolicited opinions with random adults because I was supervising them - and interacting with them. The number of times it was assumed that I would be okay with watching random stranger’s kids because I was supervising my own was infuriating! I remember some kids helping themselves to our picnic and then critiquing our food and drinks. They hadn’t asked if they could, they just helped themselves while I was setting up and literally took drinks out of my (much smaller) kid’s hands. I made them put them back, leave our table and go back to their parents, only to have said parents come and berate me for not teaching my kids to share. I suggested that they teach their kids some manners and maybe parent them themselves instead of having them free-range and steal little kid’s food like voracious labradors. They shrugged and said that they’re kids, and what should I expect?
I see no issue in you telling kids that you didn’t ask for their opinion. How else will they learn manners?

Or more likely they're being brattish because their own parents couldn't care less. I would loathe random children pestering me when I want a quiet time. It wouldn't be at all rude to tell them to 'go away, I don't wnt you round me'.