To be quite rude to kids wanting to engage with me?

[Brieandcran]

I know - I sound like a really horrible person here and maybe I am, but I’m wondering about this.

It feels like nearly every time I take my very young children to a park or soft play someone else’s child or children latches onto us and it’s really irritating. Today I was at the playground in the morning and two little boys were there and would not stop trying to get my attention. I was saying to my eldest that a piece of equipment was for bigger children and these two kids were shouting across me that no it wasn’t, they went on it, watch, watch. I ignored at first but ended up saying something like ‘thank you but I need to focus on my own children.’ Then ‘where is your mummy or daddy?’ But they just carried on.

I also had it at soft play (with a different family) where someone actually had a go at ME for their misbehaviour and I had to quite sharply say they weren’t my kids!

I don’t want to be unpleasant about it but when they don’t listen to not now, go and find your mummy or whatever - what the hell do you do? I really want to be playing with my own children not someone else’s!

@mewkins No AGAIN, answering a few questions is not parenting them, I have never said that. Talking exclusively to them because they won't stop, having them follow you around and have to watch the amazing thing they have just done, that type of thing is parenting them, short of taking them to the loo what else is there a parent has to do at these places? And again, if it really is nothing then why aren't the parents doing it? If it is so simple as just talking to these kids, why is the parent taking a break and not doing it? If its to let them be independent then they have seriously failed because following another parent around and insisting they watch them is hardly being independent is it? So if its not hard work, and not to be independent then why aren't they doing it themselves? These are the kids the post is about, not the ones who are friendly, say hi, talk to/play with your child or even day something to you for a bit then move on

I will give you that steering your child away (presuming they don't have a good reason for not wanting to engage) or ignoring a child completely is miserable though, that I agree with but that is not what the OP, nor most the people agreeing with her, is trying to describe

I know ya do @mewkins … despite several explanations and making up of fictitious events! The voting is funny though, but there are a small die hard group of posters who have just decided something different happened rather than just concede it’s annoying and carry on with life! After all, this was Tuesday and it is now Friday!

@GrinAndVomit So you think teaching kids that other people's comfort or enjoyment is more important that their own is better then? That being polite is so important that your own wishes should be put last in case you are rude?

I am BIG on manners, and kindness too. I would absolutely encourage my child to interact with others and to be polite too. I teach them that kindness and understanding is very important and always the first resort. BUT I absolutely wont tell them that if, after being polite to someone, they want to do their own thing or have their own space then that is only OK if the other person is done too. I wont teach them that that child who is making them uncomfortable or stopping their enjoyment of something by interrupting constantly or taking my attention away when we were enjoying spending time together, is more important than them.

And for the millionth time, I have never said they should, or i do, just 'ignore people they can’t be arsed with'. I've said I talk to people, but it's OK to not want them to then follow you around!!!

@Brieandcran lol I agee, I need to stop replying as its driving me mad that people cant grasp that there is a difference between refusing to make eye contact or talk with anyone when out, and not wanting to adopt someone elses kid for the afternoon! I keep clicking on not to watch this thread anymore but it keeps sending me notifications anyway and drawing me back in 😂😂

Just pretend the thread is someone else’s kid asking you to watch them do a flip.

@GrinAndVomit That actually made me smile 😄 oh the irony of a post that won't go away! I'm going to try and and untick the box again before I get the rage again lol.

Good. I did intend it to be light hearted 😃

Step one: polite and friendly. Step two: tell to go back to their own family. Step three: move away, ignore etc.
rarely is step three necessary.
btw, you don’t have any responsibility for the other child at any point. Unless some clear (& exceptional) need.

I don’t think it’s rude of the kids. Good they can and do engage with other adults. Building social skills are important, and I hope you start encouraging it more with your kids.

just a few polite ‘woah, that’s awesome’ doesn’t mean you are responsible for the random children.

basically don’t be an ass, but the general brush off is fine and will typically work. If they are physically on you, again a polite please don’t touch me. Otherwise it’s a public space… people are free to converse and engage.

You are 100% not being unreasonable! We always get other people’s kids latching on to us and it drives me insane. We have 3 kids and we want to go out and give them all our attention. Some parents/grandparents go out and watch as their kids come and bother us. It happens all the time. The other kids don’t really want to play with my kids, they want my attention and frankly I want to give my own children my attention!
Although last weekend a kid did want ti play and didn’t take no for an answer so I had to be rude in the end. As always, it is parents/grandparents who are too self-involved to actually interact with their own kids and can’t be bothered and think they can palm them off on the adults who are actually giving their kids a good time.
We were at a park with a massive beach area and my two toddlers were playing nicely with my DH, and my DS (7) was having a lovely peaceful time by himself playing with me. A slightly younger boy went over and told him he wanted to play and my son v politely said he wanted to play by himself. This boy went over to his grandad and said ‘I want to play with that boy but he doesn’t want to’. Instead of the grandad playing with him or explaining that he had a massive beach area to play in, he sat down and started messing with his phone and distractedly told the boy just to go over and make him play then. I then had to intervene as the boy was spoiling my son’s game and I could tell he was getting upset. I told him my son wanted to play by himself several times and in the end, after he started throwing sand and my toddler’s beach toys around, I told him to go away. I made eye contact with the grandad who gave me a thumbs up and then returned to his phone scrolling. As though I was agreeing to look after a fourth child!! I told the boy he needed to go to his grandad and leave us alone. It ruined my enjoyment of the morning but why should my son, who has limited peaceful time due to two younger sisters, have his game spoiled because an adult can’t be bothered to interact with their child.
so YANBU and people really need to look after their own kids and stop expecting people who actually interact with their own kids to take on extra children!

It’s hard to grasp because communication is integral to our society. Teaching children to just ignore people they can’t be arsed with is an awful message.
Like I say,
If your child decides they’ve had enough of interacting with you, will you be ok with them ignoring you?
If granny comes to visit and your child can’t be arsed to chat, will you be ok with them blanking her?

Amen! 🙌

I get this a lot, I think it happens when they notice how you are playing with your are with your own child! They want a piece of the attention.

It’s annoying especially if you just want to spend fun time with your kid, after doing all your work/jobs, why should you have to babysit and entertain others kids because they can’t be bothered watching or playing with them. It’s sad but that’s why they are trying to engage, because their own parents aren’t giving them attention, but not totally not her problem.

Also some people seem to just attract kids to them more than others. Some women give off a ‘universal Mum’ vibe which can be nice if you love all the extra kids that brings but not if you don’t like the OP.

For some reason I give off ‘hug me’ vibes around small kids and sometimes bigger ones. They often just launch themselves at me and throw their arms around me.

Which I don’t really mind but is super awkward in these days of safeguarding when helping out at DDs school and being very careful not to touch other peoples’ kids. Trying to disengage them from your legs gently without hurting them/touching them more or rejecting them in a way which makes them feel bad is really hard.

Its also really weird when it happens in front of their own parents.

This 🙌🏽😂

I understand what you're saying and feeling. I'd be exactly the same which includes adults who won't.leave me alone, especially if I'm reading which is most of the time. P

Imagine! Random kids wanting to make friends with you/your children? Terrible, how stressful for you. How come mumsnet's filling up with child haters recently?

My son is a baby befriender he loves toddlers and little ones. I have keep an eye but I do watch and make sure that he isn't being a pest. Having said that, the amount of time older children did that while on a playground or soft play, interacting and playing with him as a little one was lovely. Gave me some sweet relief from pretending to be a fire truck or a dragon. I've seen parents breathe a sigh of relief when he starts talking to their little one. I think it's swings and roundabouts isn't it. We can all pretend that each others children don't exist, but eventually if they observe your positive interactions they learn to be the same with others.
I'm not saying I we need to provide childcare but a little word of approval goes a long way.

I know lots of people are saying this isn’t an issue but it would actually drive me insane. My son is only 7 months so I’m yet to experience this. So sorry but you must look so friendly and inviting. I hope I look boring and they don’t pick me 😂

And yet your child, as he grows, will develop his own ways of interacting with, and probably, at some points, of annoying other people.