To be quite rude to kids wanting to engage with me?

[Brieandcran]

I know - I sound like a really horrible person here and maybe I am, but I’m wondering about this.

It feels like nearly every time I take my very young children to a park or soft play someone else’s child or children latches onto us and it’s really irritating. Today I was at the playground in the morning and two little boys were there and would not stop trying to get my attention. I was saying to my eldest that a piece of equipment was for bigger children and these two kids were shouting across me that no it wasn’t, they went on it, watch, watch. I ignored at first but ended up saying something like ‘thank you but I need to focus on my own children.’ Then ‘where is your mummy or daddy?’ But they just carried on.

I also had it at soft play (with a different family) where someone actually had a go at ME for their misbehaviour and I had to quite sharply say they weren’t my kids!

I don’t want to be unpleasant about it but when they don’t listen to not now, go and find your mummy or whatever - what the hell do you do? I really want to be playing with my own children not someone else’s!

If she was that miserable these random kids wouldn’t be harassing her now would they. Think you might be projecting.

When a random kid comes up to us at softplay, and wants to show me how they do something, I give them one “wow, well done!” and then concentrate on my child. The more you chat to your child, the less engaged you are with the random child, and they tend to leave you alone after a couple of minutes

I agree with the above that I find it really sad as usually IME, it means their own parents have just left them to it and they’re seeking some form of adult validation or someone to play with.

I went to our nursery stay and play with my eldest recently and I ended up playing with and reading stories to everyone else’s children. I take it as a compliment 😂 but can see perhaps why not everyone would like it.

This all just sounds so weird. You’ve stopped taking your young kids for a nice low-key weekly outing because another child tried to play with yours? Because you’re ‘so exhausted meeting everyone’s needs’? What are the things you do like about having children to the extent you’ve done it more than once, if other kids trying to socialise with yours is so distressing?

It's good to be much ruder to children than you'd be to adults, because it teaches them about the power imbalance early on.

I get it OP. When I take my child to the park (she has disabilities) other children latch on to me not my child. I get "watch me watch me" while they go down the slide etc. or want to ask me questions like "how old are you?"
My child has no sense of danger so she has to be watched at all times. I never tell the kids to leave me alone, but it is definitely frustrating trying to concentrate on my child while other peoples children want me to watch them 🙄

@JudgeJ

Yeah, you and op really do come across as adults that kids would be drawn too.

😂😂😂

Bunbuns3

”I guess some people are really not cut out to have children. You sound utterly miserable”

What a stupid comment. I loved/love my (now adult) children dearly. Which is why I loved spending days out with them and didn’t want to be stuck with other people’s kids.

Agree with you, OP. Allowing your kids to bother other people is rude.

No I'm with you... we tend to get tons of kids latching on to us. I partly blame DH as he is always the dad getting proper into the soft play/splash park/football etc with our eldest, and I guess he looks great fun to be around. I try and tell myself that it's ok it's not the children's fault, but some of them are super annoying and it does spoil the dynamic when you want to focus on your own children.
I have no solution for you, merely solidarity. I always make sure I head on over if I feel DD10 is loitering around a particular family too long and just say something breezy like "come on now DD, let the nice lady have a bit of a break and leave her in peace! insert little chuckle/smile & eye roll where appropriate.

My kids: darling angels

Other people's kids: annoying brats

Mmmm so op is admitting to being rude to other people's children, I think that is completely abhorrent and I would always be kind and polite in a situation like op is describing and it would not irratate or annoy me in the slightest, but yet your calling me the rude one because I am saying I don't like rude people.

That just about sums up the mentality on here!

Do you routinely go to children’s parks for a quiet time away from children? If so can I ask if you’ve been hit in the head with any swings lately?

What utter rubbish! You honestly think it's OK for a child to latch themselves onto a total stranger? Is it only women who you think should be free baby sitters for abandoned children?

My late OH was once challenged by a couple of harridans for simply sitting on a bench in a play park, they were apoplectic because he refused to engage in their screeching nonsense. Once I turned up with our granddaughter, the queues at the toilet and ice cream shop had been long, he simply said 'I have enhanced DBS certification, do you?'.

Do you routinely go to children’s parks for a quiet time away from children? If so can I ask if you’ve been hit in the head with any swings lately?”

I read that as a quiet time with their own children.

Lovely judgmental MN attitude there.

Reality is, many people who have kids don't like any kids but their own. Why should they? It's part of the bullshit around parenting. I barely like my own, never mind the random urchins who live around here.

The question stands. If you go to a playpark expecting a quiet time where no other children speak to you (or to your children, which is far weirder) then you are labouring under quite a severe misunderstanding of what a park is.

You barely like your own children? Wow that’s cool. That is so fucking cool. You’re just so unlike the other mums, who like their children. So cool.

Not quite.

The OP is asking for advice how to manage a situation she isn't happy with without being rude

You've just gone straight to nasty personal insults and haven't posted anything constructive to try and help her. Nasty and unnecessary

Rude in the sense that I ignore and don’t engage or respond. I’m not suggesting I say fuck off or anything! But the second you engage that is it - you’re stuck.

Maybe it does sound weird that we stopped going to an activity but there comes a point where it is more trouble than it is Dh worth. The playground we went to was quite big and my child was only about 20 months. This little girl was constantly following us around and just being a pain to be honest - not her fault but still. I’m actually having a similar dilemma about a different group because of a pack of children who are spoiling it for others - not completely decided yet but there are a lot of playgrounds and a lot of toddler groups and if one stops being enjoyable for whatever reason it isn’t ‘weird’ to go to another!

Bunbuns3 · Today 13:19

Just never leave the house then and play with your children at home. What a horrible nasty attitude. I can never quite understand women like you. How on earth would you feel if someone else treated your own children like
that? What's more your teaching your children to be really anti social and rude. This is how bullies are born, mirroring their nasty parents behaviour.”

What rubbish. I would argue that allowing your children to force themselves into others whether it’s wanted or not is incredibly rude and may well lead to them becoming entitled bullies. Teach your children not to hassle other people: their company isn’t wanted on a family day out.

Far too many people at softplays are happy to dump their kids at the entrance and disappear off to the coffee shop.

Supervise your own kids.

That line was a trifle hyberbolic, wasn't it

@MiddleParking , you find perfectly understandable and relatable statements 'weird', so I am not holding out much hope regarding your sense of humour either.

Why are other people even allowed to have children? You should be able to take your darlings to any public space and not have to see or hear any plebeian offspring 😤. I'm so angry on your behalf.

That seems akin to suggesting you shouldn’t go to a restaurant if you aren’t willing to try every single dish on the menu.

People go to parks so the child(ren) they are responsible for can play on the equipment, not for a lovely chat with random children!