To be quite rude to kids wanting to engage with me?

[Brieandcran]

I know - I sound like a really horrible person here and maybe I am, but I’m wondering about this.

It feels like nearly every time I take my very young children to a park or soft play someone else’s child or children latches onto us and it’s really irritating. Today I was at the playground in the morning and two little boys were there and would not stop trying to get my attention. I was saying to my eldest that a piece of equipment was for bigger children and these two kids were shouting across me that no it wasn’t, they went on it, watch, watch. I ignored at first but ended up saying something like ‘thank you but I need to focus on my own children.’ Then ‘where is your mummy or daddy?’ But they just carried on.

I also had it at soft play (with a different family) where someone actually had a go at ME for their misbehaviour and I had to quite sharply say they weren’t my kids!

I don’t want to be unpleasant about it but when they don’t listen to not now, go and find your mummy or whatever - what the hell do you do? I really want to be playing with my own children not someone else’s!

Oh god my friend and I used to talk about this when ours were little. It sounds nasty to say but it was usually when we were actively playing or crafting or having fun with our kids at some activity and the others without parents interest (at that time) would latch on.
I'm talking toddler to about 6 ish.
Also at parties when they are little and trying to decorate a paper plate or something I would end up having to help someone's toddler and look up and parent sat with cuppa having a nice chat.
Yes it's annoying and I got better at the brisk detachment after second baby.
It's hard if they follow you round though. The worst was at the beach or camping! No you can't play with me and my kids all day where are mum and dad? Oh sleeping up there right.
Yes it sounds like smug parenting but it does happen and it's usually parents who are doing stuff with their kids they latch to.
And you can be nice for a bit but it grates especially if your own kids don't want to play with them.

I experience this from both sides. I interact and play with my kids a LOT at the park, and often end up with other kids joining in. I usually don't mind. They get a huge amount of attention from me, so on the occasion they are playing with eachother, and I can sit on peace for 10 for minutes, then I do. Sometimes they do end up talking to other adults, trying to entertain toddlers etc. I read the adults body language before deciding whether to go over immediately or give it a few minutes.

Other times, my kids will be playing and the adult and their child will come and play next to them amd they all start chatting. L

They don't talk to others because I give them no attention. Its because they get so much attention that they crave it so much.

I think this is fine though and not rude at all. Children assume that adults will be clear if they need to/want to go and do something else.

Some of the things people have said/suggest saying to small children on here though are absolutely horrible.

As for those (few) posters who don't want any other kids interacting with your kid, good luck in future when you're complaining about your child spending all their time in their room and not getting out and socialising enough. This is the age when they learn it.

I love that moment when another kid comes along, I make a point of introducing them, some mini chit chat and off they go to play together. Win/win.

It's a shame really. Some kids really want to be engaged with and their parents are usually sat on their phones ignoring them.

You must have that vibe OP.

I know what you mean OP as I am quite anti-social but it is good to model being polite and friendly to other people so think of it as a teachable moment for your own children ;) My own son is older now (no more parks and soft play) but always seemed to find it mildly amusing when I was accosted by little kids. I suppose you don't want your kids keeping their friends away from you if they grow up watching you be rude and grumpy to other children. It's important to keep in with your kids' friends when they are all older for multiple reasons!! My son has a pal and nobody ever goes to his house - the boy says his mum 'doesn't like unexpected guests' which is fair enough (I know her and she's really nice and has a fab home!) but it does mean she never meets any of his friends as they are not exactly good at planning in advance so choose an easy option where they know they'll be welcome (ish).

I think instead of the "Where's your mummy" routine, you need to be a lot more brisk and unequivocal. It's not fair to expect feral kids to pick up on social cues. You can be direct while still being jolly. The kids shouting over you in the playground for instance, "We're playing on our own now and you shouldn't interrupt. Bye now!"

At that age the problem isn't so much the kids, it's the number of lazy parents who are all to keen for their kids to go up to other adults so that they (parents) can go on their phones.

I think you’ll find you’ve hit the nail on the head here.. it happens to us semi frequently, I really engage with my DD when we go out to soft play/park etc as she’s only 2, and random kids seem to just come up and start talking to me / playing with us etc, I don’t mind it too much myself but I have noticed it’s normally kids with parents that are ignoring them completely, on their phones or chatting to friends etc, I might be completely off base but I do wonder if they are just crying out for grown up / caring interaction because they are virtually ignored all the time, so for that reason I don’t mind.

If that was aimed at me, I didn't say it had never happened to me. I said I found it hard to believe it was happening to you frequently enough for it to be an issue.

We had this on holiday this year at a hotel with several pools - and we didn't even have kids with us, DH and I are childfree 40 year olds!

We had 2 different kids trying to talk to us while we were reading/lounging, and one of these kept following us from pool to hot tub etc.

I must admit I did just say "please go back to your parents now, we're busy" 😂 call me a misery if you like, but we didn't have kids because we didn't want any, I'm certainly not entertaining other people's kids while their parents drink cocktails and sunbathe!

It never happened to me, or maybe I didn't really notice. Soft play was horrendous, I think I only went once! We did beach, woods or met with other families at pool etc. I can't imagine where this is the norm? I wouldn't think twice about a little chat with another child, but they usually wander off. Perhaps I have cultivated the art of being very boring!

I had to learn to be jolly but brisk in my old neighbourhood. No yelling or being horrible, but just unequivocally telling kids, "No, you need to leave us alone now".

Some of my neighbours' kids used to visit when we were in the garden. I knew the parents, we weren't busy, all good. Then other random kids joined and their equally-random parents decided I was running a creche. I came home once to find an eight-year-old boy and a random toddler playing hide-and-seek in our garage. I took them home and the dad was just chilling out watching footie. Unbelievable.

And my DH often just repeated "Not today thank you" 😄

I flinch when people say "my own children" to other children. Feels a lot like "my own toy, go get your own". Quite possessive and territorial, almost like you're telling them 'Na nana na you're not my child, now go find your own mum who doesn't love you like I do mine'. You can simply say "Im focusing on my children/their names", rather than "I'm focusing on my own children". It feels like a sad thing for a child to hear in the form of a rejection but maybe I'm being overly sensitive.

Okay rant over.

YANBU OP though and I blame the parents for letting their children bother others, although they may not realise they're bothering you and think they've made new friends with your "own" children.

I'm going to be frank here. I find adults shadowing tiny children really irritating when they clog up the soft play. Get out of the older kids section and leave it for, well, the older kids.

You describe your children as 'very young' so I assume they need shadowing in the big frame to prevent them from being squashed by other people's marauding little thugs. The best thing you can do is take your squashable tinies and find somewhere more suitable for them. Most soft plays have an age-appropriate section for tiny children (the under-5s section). This is normally small enough that you don't need to follow your children around (unless you have a just crawling baby) and can instead sit on the outside with all the other adults and keep an eye on your child, intervening when necessary.

If you're not in the soft play structure making an exhibition of yourself, you won't attract other people's children like flies. I wince audibly when dads go in with their kids and block the tunnels, bash into small children and start doing their 'dad of the year' routine and then wonder why they've attracted an audience.

If you are in there, then I'm afraid being interacted with by other people's children is the price you pay for getting in their way when they should be able to stampede around freely in the absence of annoying adults.

Essentially, there's a conflict of purposes here. You're using soft play as a bonding opportunity with your children whereas, for most parents (especially those with older children), soft play is where they go when they DON'T want to interact with their children, apart from making sure their behaviour isn't totally beyond the pale.

If more people did this we might have better-adjusted children and less peer attachment.

Many parents actively encourage peer attachment under the guise of wanting their child to be well-socialised, but with the secret/denied intention of getting them off their hands. Sadly, this is pretty disastrous.

OP all you need to do is look the kids firmly in the eye and say “haven’t your parents taught you not to talk to strangers?” They’ll soon slink off.

We’ve only had this issue once. A little boy of about 4 when DS was 2ish who beelined for us every time we went to our local play area. Lasted for a couple of months. Permanently under our feet and up in DS’ face. Wanted mine and/or DH’s attention as much as DS’. It was quite annoying but I more felt sorry for the poor thing - his parents clearly didn’t give a crap where he was, let alone who he was talking to. He just stopped appearing one day. Part of me felt relieved but another part of me hopes he is okay!

Sorry but you sound unnecessarily rude. Of course if you go to kids places, other kids will be there and may talk to you. I think it’s nice they are interacting with other adults

This, It is on the parents.

Personally, I say with a smile - firmly but kindly 'We'd like to play alone now, okay. You can go to your mum/dad/friends'. I don't fault the kids so I try not to break their hearts when rejecting them, especially when they're bring nice or helpful.

They'd usually say okay and walk away quietly. Still makes me feel sad for them but what can you do? Others have not been as considerate with my dc but it's not the children's fault.

Ugh yes! We've had this before and it was at a time when DS was going through a really shy phase and used to cry if other children came near him or talked to us. If I spoke back then it was even worse. So awkward when the parents are nowhere to be seen aswell😩

One time in soft play this little boy kept latching onto me as we were doing a circuit of going up, down the slide then back up again. At one point, he wanted to get down and was just crying for his mum who wasn't paying any attention at all. I had to lift him down and passed him to a mum I'd never met and neither of us knew this child! Can't stand parents who do this, I felt so sad for him.

Sadly you must look like a friendly and approachable person. I can see that would be a significant burden to bear 😂😂😀

Have a good life, and laugh it off, when you feel less stressed.

I also agree with this.