Page 5 | To be quite rude to kids wanting to engage with me?

Brieandcran · 2023-06-27T12:04:25+00:00

I know - I sound like a really horrible person here and maybe I am, but I’m wondering about this. It feels like nearly every time I take my very young children to a park or soft play someone else’s child or children latches onto us and it’s really irritating. Today I was at the playground in the morning and two little boys were there and would not stop trying to get my attention. I was saying to my eldest that a piece of equipment was for bigger children and these two kids were shouting across me that no it wasn’t, they went on it, watch, watch. I ignored at first but ended up saying something like ‘thank you but I need to focus on my own children.’ Then ‘where is your mummy or daddy?’ But they just carried on. I also had it at soft play (with a different family) where someone actually had a go at ME for their misbehaviour and I had to quite sharply say they weren’t my kids! I don’t want to be unpleasant about it but when they don’t listen to not now, go and find your mummy or whatever - what the hell do you do? I really want to be playing with my own children not someone else’s!

Mamai90 · 27/06/2023 14:39

It happens to me a lot too. I do find it irritating but at the same time I appreciate that they are children so I do pander to it the odd time and then might say I need to focus on my own kids now. Soft play isn't exactly relaxing anyway.

Skinnermarink · 27/06/2023 14:40

Bananaspliff · 27/06/2023 14:35

OP all you need to do is look the kids firmly in the eye and say “haven’t your parents taught you not to talk to strangers?” They’ll soon slink off.

But we don’t teach our kids not to talk to strangers, do we? There are going to be a lot of appropriate and a few necessary situations where a child might be expected or need to talk to a ‘stranger’.

CremeEggThief · 27/06/2023 14:42

I have voted YABU because you are completely overthinking the whole situation and making a mountain out of a mole hill. Are you always like this?

Just do what you think is best for you and your kids. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, as long as you're not going round screaming and swearing at these annoying kids.

DataNotLore · 27/06/2023 14:44

Goldbar · 27/06/2023 14:34

I'm going to be frank here. I find adults shadowing tiny children really irritating when they clog up the soft play. Get out of the older kids section and leave it for, well, the older kids.

You describe your children as 'very young' so I assume they need shadowing in the big frame to prevent them from being squashed by other people's marauding little thugs. The best thing you can do is take your squashable tinies and find somewhere more suitable for them. Most soft plays have an age-appropriate section for tiny children (the under-5s section). This is normally small enough that you don't need to follow your children around (unless you have a just crawling baby) and can instead sit on the outside with all the other adults and keep an eye on your child, intervening when necessary.

If you're not in the soft play structure making an exhibition of yourself, you won't attract other people's children like flies. I wince audibly when dads go in with their kids and block the tunnels, bash into small children and start doing their 'dad of the year' routine and then wonder why they've attracted an audience.

If you are in there, then I'm afraid being interacted with by other people's children is the price you pay for getting in their way when they should be able to stampede around freely in the absence of annoying adults.

Essentially, there's a conflict of purposes here. You're using soft play as a bonding opportunity with your children whereas, for most parents (especially those with older children), soft play is where they go when they DON'T want to interact with their children, apart from making sure their behaviour isn't totally beyond the pale.

This!

Very often it's a Dad shadowing a girl in a frilly dress, practically lifting her up the climbing frame.

Stick her in shorts and let her get on with it herself

Redraddisho27 · 27/06/2023 14:44

This used to happen to me too. The kids parents would sat at a table on their phone or with friends ignoring their kids. I already have three kids of my own so didn't really want to have more kids demanding my attention

IVFbeenverylucky · 27/06/2023 14:47

I'm with OP. I've kids aged 1 and 2; I'm fine with kids the same age (or younger) coming up to them, but find 4 and 5 year old girls constantly want to play with them/take their things, when my 2 year gets nervous because they all seem so big and both my kids just want to be left alone. The body language from all three of us is obvious and while I get that they are 5 and don't pick that up, I don't quite understand why so many parents of 5 year olds can't get them to move on. It's a particular problem with Dads :). Saying where's your mummy/daddy, and can you let us play now, doesn't have much of an affect.

pristinequeen · 27/06/2023 14:47

Hate it but I think it's part and parcel of children areas. The worst part is the parents watching, thinking their child is such a social little angel and I am privileged to have a conversation with him/her

Original poster

Brieandcran · 27/06/2023 14:47

Goldbar · 27/06/2023 14:34

I'm going to be frank here. I find adults shadowing tiny children really irritating when they clog up the soft play. Get out of the older kids section and leave it for, well, the older kids.

You describe your children as 'very young' so I assume they need shadowing in the big frame to prevent them from being squashed by other people's marauding little thugs. The best thing you can do is take your squashable tinies and find somewhere more suitable for them. Most soft plays have an age-appropriate section for tiny children (the under-5s section). This is normally small enough that you don't need to follow your children around (unless you have a just crawling baby) and can instead sit on the outside with all the other adults and keep an eye on your child, intervening when necessary.

If you're not in the soft play structure making an exhibition of yourself, you won't attract other people's children like flies. I wince audibly when dads go in with their kids and block the tunnels, bash into small children and start doing their 'dad of the year' routine and then wonder why they've attracted an audience.

If you are in there, then I'm afraid being interacted with by other people's children is the price you pay for getting in their way when they should be able to stampede around freely in the absence of annoying adults.

Essentially, there's a conflict of purposes here. You're using soft play as a bonding opportunity with your children whereas, for most parents (especially those with older children), soft play is where they go when they DON'T want to interact with their children, apart from making sure their behaviour isn't totally beyond the pale.

Love how the assumption is that I’m in the big kids area with my little children and it isn’t the older children in the area supposedly for the small children …

I mean, it would be one thing if you asked but you didn’t, just decided what was happening and started getting all annoyed.

Plus, some soft plays have under 4s, so a four year old can be there legitimately if you like and still be a PITA when you’re trying to assist your wobbly twelve month old up onto a rocker. I did laugh at ‘making an exhibition of yourself’ though. Only on MN is pushing a toddler on a swing some sort of massive exhibition!

OP posts:

Mumclub · 27/06/2023 14:48

It never makes sense to me why parents go into a soft play… the soft play equipment is for the children to play on not for big adults wondering around. Just get out and let the kids play without you being attached to their hip constantly. If you’re in an area of ‘play’ no wonder other children want to talk and play with you. (You can supervise your children from a distance)

Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 27/06/2023 14:49

You are not unreasonable. I can’t abide other people’s children.

QueenoftheNimbleFlyingCat · 27/06/2023 14:50

MrsSkylerWhite · 27/06/2023 13:39

Bunbuns3 · Today 13:19

Just never leave the house then and play with your children at home. What a horrible nasty attitude. I can never quite understand women like you. How on earth would you feel if someone else treated your own children like
that? What's more your teaching your children to be really anti social and rude. This is how bullies are born, mirroring their nasty parents behaviour.”

What rubbish. I would argue that allowing your children to force themselves into others whether it’s wanted or not is incredibly rude and may well lead to them becoming entitled bullies. Teach your children not to hassle other people: their company isn’t wanted on a family day out.

Far too many people at softplays are happy to dump their kids at the entrance and disappear off to the coffee shop.

Supervise your own kids.

My children are school age but young and I wouldn't go into soft play with them, I watch them from outside and may go for a quick run around if it's not busy but I do get a coffee and some peace because that's what soft play is for. If parents go into soft play with their children (not babies) then you have to accept that other children may interact with you. I consider it fair game if I go in.

OP how old are your children?

Original poster

Brieandcran · 27/06/2023 14:51

Of course you can do that after a certain age. I’m actually slightly more understanding in soft play, especially if a parent is there with an older child and a baby. It is hard being in two places at once. But it was annoying last time we went as two kids were running amok in the toddler area and kept trying to engage with me and mine. When I ignored they started trying to drag a load of toys from a different part of the soft play into the toddler area and a dad came up to me shouting ‘they aren’t allowed to do that!’ I just said ‘these are not my children’ but in a funny way it does place responsibility on you and it isn’t really fair.

OP posts:

Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 27/06/2023 14:51

Mumclub · 27/06/2023 14:48

It never makes sense to me why parents go into a soft play… the soft play equipment is for the children to play on not for big adults wondering around. Just get out and let the kids play without you being attached to their hip constantly. If you’re in an area of ‘play’ no wonder other children want to talk and play with you. (You can supervise your children from a distance)

Optimistic. My two year old needs help sometimes. And he got annihilated in one by an invasion of bigger kids. He needed stitches after they shoved him out of the way at the top of the slide and he fell down it and cut his head open.

You can bet I was rude to those little shits.

JusthereforXmas · 27/06/2023 14:52

I just stare at them like a deer in the headlights while internally thinking 'I need an adult... wheres this child adult?... why is this child sans adult?' before muttering some random pleasantry like 'oh, eh, emm... lovely, well done'.

They must get bored at my catatonic reaction to their obviously fascinating tales and wander off quite quickly.

I'm not so much scared of the children themselves but what level of friendly social interaction is non-creepy with a unaccompanied strange child is not a boundary I like to push.

Daisybuttercup12345 · 27/06/2023 14:52

Brieandcran · 27/06/2023 13:14

I get that @Skinnermarink but they just will not stop trying to talk to me. I’m not sure what you mean about godsend - the kids were wanting to talk to me, not my children. Obviously I don’t mind seven year olds making friends with other kids of a similar age but that’s not what I’m talking about.

Bet you were a PITA as a kid too!

Goldbar · 27/06/2023 14:54

Love how the assumption is that I’m in the big kids area with my little children and it isn’t the older children in the area supposedly for the small children …

If they're in the little kids section, you tell them to get out and if they don't, you ask staff/parents to intervene. I wouldn't constantly be looking for my 5yo but if I saw them in the little kids bit or had another parent complain, I'd get them out like a shot.

I agree with you that all kids in the little kids section should be being supervised closely by an adult. And when they've learned the social rules and survival skills that will keep them safe in the big frame, you release them into there and hope for the best.

hot2trotter · 27/06/2023 14:55

Don't blame you OP. In all honesty I cannot stand other people's children.

mainsfed · 27/06/2023 14:55

I think some adults just have a Pied Piper appeal for little kids.

I get it to some extent, lots of kids speaking to me or smiling or waving at the supermarkets or other places. In small doses it’s sweet but I can imagine it can get wearing when they talk and won’t shut up.

Hell is other people’s kids is a saying for a reason.

Original poster

Brieandcran · 27/06/2023 14:56

If they're in the little kids section, you tell them to get out and if they don't, you ask staff/parents to intervene

And you don’t see how this puts the responsibility for other children’s behaviour on me, and takes time away from my own children, when I am very busy making an exhibition of myself with them?

OP posts:

ModestMoon · 27/06/2023 15:01

I don't see the problem. My child goes up to adults and tries to talk to them a lot. Sometimes they're up for it, sometimes they're not. If they're not they communicate it to him politely, "thank you/ that's nice / well done, well you best find your mummy, bye!" or they just ignore and focus on their own kids, and I reinforce if he tries to keep pestering. If they're up for it I let him chat for a bit before moving him on. I can't do anything if the parent appears to be up for it, but is silently seething.

Goldbar · 27/06/2023 15:02

Brieandcran · 27/06/2023 14:56

If they're in the little kids section, you tell them to get out and if they don't, you ask staff/parents to intervene

And you don’t see how this puts the responsibility for other children’s behaviour on me, and takes time away from my own children, when I am very busy making an exhibition of myself with them?

It's a bit like mosquitos really. If you go for a picnic in summer, you've sort of got to expect mosquitos.

Unless you hire the soft play exclusively, you're just going to have to cope with other people's children being there and being, well, children (who can be annoying sometimes).

And yes, parents should supervise, but for a child old enough to be in the big frame, that supervision should be from the sidelines/tables NOT inside the frame. And that means that there will inevitably be some behaviour that passes the parents by.

Otherwise you reach a farcical situation where every child has a shadowing adult and no one can move. Parents lumbering about like wheezing elephants bent double blocking everyone!

Original poster

Brieandcran · 27/06/2023 15:06

@Goldbar it does feel like you’re picking what I say for an argument to be honest.

It is like literally anything where there are going to be other people around - that means they are there, it doesn’t mean you have to be up for interacting with them (unless obviously a specific social club or similar.) plonking yourself in the midst of a family or friendship group in a cafe or train or on a beach just wouldn’t be on. You wouldn’t say ‘well eat at home then!’ (I hope!)

I don’t mind other children being there but there’s a massive difference between that and being badgered constantly!

OP posts:

DataNotLore · 27/06/2023 15:07

Some people have missed the point of softplay.

You're not supposed to help them onto things. The point is that they try to climb on stuff (on their own) and fall off onto something soft (on their own). It's how they learn.

Wehaveawinner · 27/06/2023 15:08

satellitesunshine · 27/06/2023 14:04

lol i had this last night where a child tried to tell me off for dd not wearing socks. i had to refrain from telling her to bugger off when she then had a go at me about dd going down the slide on her tummy. i’m not getting policed by someone else’s child and there always seems to be one at soft play 😴😴

Well done to the child! If an adult can't say it to you, a direct, honest child should and maybe you should listen to words of wisdom. No one needs anyone's precious baby's feet germs. Sorry.

forrestgreen · 27/06/2023 15:09

I was a childminder and had this a lot. It's because you're engaging with the children you're with. And their parents usually aren't (usually sat chatting, quietly ignoring...)

I used to reply to everything politely 'oh, that's nice go tell your mummy' 'sorry I can't, go ask your mummy' etc

Harsh but I was being paid to supervise, and engage 'my' kids, not everyone else's who wanted some attention.