To be quite rude to kids wanting to engage with me?

[Brieandcran]

I know - I sound like a really horrible person here and maybe I am, but I’m wondering about this.

It feels like nearly every time I take my very young children to a park or soft play someone else’s child or children latches onto us and it’s really irritating. Today I was at the playground in the morning and two little boys were there and would not stop trying to get my attention. I was saying to my eldest that a piece of equipment was for bigger children and these two kids were shouting across me that no it wasn’t, they went on it, watch, watch. I ignored at first but ended up saying something like ‘thank you but I need to focus on my own children.’ Then ‘where is your mummy or daddy?’ But they just carried on.

I also had it at soft play (with a different family) where someone actually had a go at ME for their misbehaviour and I had to quite sharply say they weren’t my kids!

I don’t want to be unpleasant about it but when they don’t listen to not now, go and find your mummy or whatever - what the hell do you do? I really want to be playing with my own children not someone else’s!

I don't think being direct to children is rude. They don't understand hints. Besides, you can say anything you like as long as you put 'darling' on the end of the sentence 😉

And my children are still only very little. I’m not talking about children who are a bit older having a play together, there’s a clear difference (I think!) between two similarly aged children striking up a friendship and playing with one another (fine) and a child who is often older than your own trying to monopolise the adults attention when you’re trying to play with your own and keep them safe.

The question stands. If you go to a playpark expecting a quiet time where no other children speak to you (or to your children, which is far weirder) then you are labouring under quite a severe misunderstanding of what a park is”

Not at all. With adult kids/grandchild, we’ve served our time in parks. When they were very small, they only wanted mum and dad or granny, which is perfectly normal at that age.

We would often get stuck with a trail of often older kids trying to play whilst their mums/dads/caters whatever sat a distance away yakking or phone scrolling, quite happy for their kids to bother other people.

If you take your kids to the park, engage with them!

If it’s any consolation op. It pays dividends in teenage years. I always had a house full but I least I knew where mine were.

@MrsSkylerWhite yes, exactly the same here. And very annoying!

thank you but I need to focus on my own children

How very ‘Waitrose’ 🤣

I find it awkward going to parks because I have a a child who always wants to interact with other adults/ children and struggles to read body language so doesn't understand others might not want him to play with them/ talk to them. I spend my time coaxing my child away and trying to distract and entertain them a so for want to annoy anyone. I appreciate ppl don't want other ppl's children around them but I also think you don't what else is going on and how challenging it can be to stop a child from going up to other ppl. And no I don't ignore my children and I do talk to them about the need to leave others alone.

Help her? Are you being seriously??? Help from little children speaking to her!! Wow such an urgent terrible problem, which every mother faces practically every single day their children are young. Except most sane normal people don't need an sos rescue mission to deal with it or indeed view it as an actual problem they need help from”

You really are unbelievably rude.

I’m not keen on children other than my own.
Luckily I exude bugger off vibes so I didn’t generally ever get bothered but a swift “go and find whichever adult you are with” worked.
Hissing also works well

This is a complete and utter non issue and I suspect a massively exaggerated one. I'm in the park or soft play etc nearly every day with my child and I can think of maybe one or two occasions this has ever happened.

It isn’t an SOS mission but most things in AIBU aren’t.

I think the world must be divided into those who recognise it is a bit wearing for other parents to be dealing with other children aside from their own and don’t let them do it, and those who encourage it. As with many things on here, those who encourage it will defend their right to do so to the death.

Yes, I have this a lot. Had it the other day where a 5 year old latched onto me and my toddler for at least an hour. She was very sweet but exhausting with all her questions and I wanted to shake her off. She was with her dad who was on his phone and clearly loved having his hands free. I think these are often children who crave adults who engage with them because they're not getting it from their own parents. It's very sad.

Ah, someone who this has never happened to has shown up and conclusively ended the thread.

It’s entirely possible to engage with your children in a park while also modelling how to interact nicely with other people in a shared facility and while giving them age-appropriate space to work things out, physically and socially. You can’t expect a park to be a de facto private garden where you get the benefit of the equipment without any of the communality. You also can’t expect other people to agree with you that entirely siloed playing is the only way to be polite. If your kids are old enough to be on play equipment they’re old enough to be helped/shown how to interact with other people. I think it’s adorable when my kids make friends with other children in parks and I usually enjoy chatting to the other kids’ parents - who, incidentally, didn’t force me to have two children and therefore can’t be given to understand that I’m too “exhausted meeting everyone’s needs” to do so.

I just engage in a lacklustre manner, don't make too much eye contact and focus on your own child, keep going back to chatting to your DC and the other kids get bored. I get what you're saying, it can be annoying as much as you understand they're just kids and not being deliberately annoying.

They seem to be drawn to me and my toddler - it's almost like "well, this lady seems very impressed with her little child's attempts at X or Y, she'll be AMAZED at what I can do!". But my toddler takes enough of my energy without feigning interest in other kids who are not actually looking to engage with her but want MY interest and engagement.

Well to be fair you say it happens nearly every times you leave the house, you’ve stopped taking them on one outing because of another child, you’re now considering leaving another group, oh and it happened on your holiday too. It’s hard not to begin to conclude that there is a common factor in how rude all these children supposedly are.

It is annoying, but it is difficult. If the parent comes along and says "leave the nice lady alone she is playing with her own child" then i reply "oh dont worry it's fine" which is absolute people pleasing lies.

Also when my child was a little older and tried to play with another family, i would try and intervene be told its fine, be fairly sure it is annoying not fine then be standing around making awkward chit chat with the parent too.

It is a short time, when they are a little bigger you can supervise from a distance and it is lovely when the children do meet someone to play with at the park. For now, dont engage too much and hope they take the hint.

lol i had this last night where a child tried to tell me off for dd not wearing socks. i had to refrain from telling her to bugger off when she then had a go at me about dd going down the slide on her tummy. i’m not getting policed by someone else’s child and there always seems to be one at soft play 😴😴

I get the opposite. Other people's children seem terrified of me. I mentioned it to my youngest and she said cheerfully "oh it's because they think you look like a witch". Charming! Go out in a Halloween outfit OP, simples. More seriously, you must have a nice kind demeanour to be so approachable. Perhaps a cold polite "you shouldn't talk to strangers" might help.

@MiddleParking and it does happen, as other people here have confirmed. Something not happening to you doesn’t make it an unusual event. I’ve never broken a bone, been bitten by a dog or been in a car accident but I’m well aware they are all fairly common.

And there’s a big difference between asking to play with a child who is a peer and clearly receptive, and intruding on someone else. Since you seem to be fixating on the fact we stopped going to one playground at a certain time due to another child, she was trying to constantly pick up my 20 month old and out her on play equipment, taking her doll and trying to eat her snacks. What I find is that kids often ramp up this sort of behaviour because then you have to step in and tell them to stop - and then they have your attention. It’s really tiresome.

If you are happy for it to continue then by all means you don’t need to stop it. I’m not.

I had a random child knock on my door to show me a caterpillar he'd found. I was happy to chat to him before gently telling him he shouldn't be knocking on a strangers door, it's dangerous etc there's no need to be rude to children at all. I think its sad how irritated and insular we've become as a society. That's not specifically a dig at the op, we all know how irritating other people's kids can be😁

Ugh yes or they start questioning you about something personal or similar.

Mildly annoying at worse, but really a non issue.

You can be quite direct with a child without it being construed as rude.

This doesn’t happen to me much as I have RBF but recently did at a trampoline park where an older girl latched onto me as presumably her parent was off in the cafe somewhere. It was a rare day off with just my eldest so I really wanted to
spend quality time with her. In the end it just got awkward so I said “OK I’m here to play with my daughter so I’m going over there now, bye” but I felt guilty.

I love it when my kids make random playmates at the park but I don’t want to chat with them at the expense of my interacting with own child.