To be asked where are you from

Alwaysoneoddsock · 25/06/2023 02:09

I live in London and have an accent from the north of England. I get asked where I’m from a lot. I quite like being asked about myself and I’m not offended. However, I’m aware I haven’t experienced racism in the past.

drspouse · 25/06/2023 02:15

No. My DD who is adopted is mixed ethnicity and though she actually wasn't born in the UK I always say she's from "our town name" because it's blooming rude and none of their business.
I don't ask people either. I might ask people how long they've lived in X town or, for young adults, where they went to school (if their accent is non-UK, to clarify if they know the UK education system).

greenspaces4peace · 25/06/2023 02:20

it's an international site so i'll tell you i'm from canada and it's a common common question and people will discuss their whole family tree all the way back to the 1600's. people equally happy to do so.

IsGoodIsDon · 25/06/2023 02:24

I’m white but I get asked where I’m from all the time when they hear my accent

Flashaaaahaaa · 25/06/2023 02:26

I’m white British but my accent is from a different area than where I live and I’m always asked where I’m from, I don’t take offence because my white British husband whose accent is broadly, obviously, unmistakably from where we live is always asked where he is from too. They just mean what area or whatever. Wherever I’ve worked when new people start they’re asked where they’re from no matter their race or accent and it’s the same for hobby groups, college, uni etc.

Pancake678 · 25/06/2023 02:28

I'm guilty of this. If I detest and accent I'll sometimes ask where they are from. I like to hear stories of how people move round and end up settling in places. I come from the north and settled in the south of England and this is my home. If I'm asked where I come from I don't get offended, it's a discussion point.

BodgerLovesMashedPotato · 25/06/2023 02:31

A lot of "I'm white but " replies here, I don't think that's the same somehow?!
I think there's an Asian board in here (can't remember exact name without looking) but maybe that has more relevant answers?

NuffSaidSam · 25/06/2023 02:33

I think it's a perfectly reasonable question tbh (although it's obviously all about context). It's just general getting to know someone chit-chat.

I wouldn't be offended if someone asked me this. I'd just answer with where I'm from.

Jellyx · 25/06/2023 02:41

I'm white and in Scotland (but not from this part of the UK) and I get asked where I'm from all the time due to my accent.

LovedmyRaleighChopper · 25/06/2023 02:48

Tweetypie1st · 25/06/2023 01:59

For background, DH & I live in UK but originally came from South Asia several years ago. This is our home now.
So we are getting quotes for a garage conversion and we had someone come over to have a look. It was an older husband & wife team and they are telling us all sorts of stories(my understanding was trying to build a rapport) and then the guy asks where are we from. And I could tell my DH getting annoyed, so I just replied where I came from. And then he tells us more stories. And then he asks my husband what does he do? And my DH said we live here and then laughed so it doesn't get awkward. After they were gone, he was fuming saying how racist of him to ask us where are we from; we live & work here! Would it be okay if I asked him the same question? What if we were born here; he thinks it's okay to ask this question just because we have a different skin colour.

Would you ask this question to anyone, especially a stranger? Would you be offended if someone asked you that? How would you reply to the question?

Your husband sounds a bit ridiculous. How can it be “racist” to ask one of the most innocuous questions going, where do you come from? It’s just one of a battery of getting to know you type questions/ information sharing and unless you are deeply ashamed of your origins shouldn’t be offensive at all. If you have come from an Asian country in the last few years then your accents/clothing/home decor / manner of speaking probably indicate you are not native to UK and why wouldn’t people ask you about that if they have an interest in getting to know you? You said yourself the couple were trying to build a rapport with you. If your husband indicated he was angry with the asker and found the question offensive then it would be polite on their behalf to drop that line of questioning and move on. Hopefully they did. Your husband comes across as awkward and not very socially aware. Answering “what do you do?” another commonly used getting to know you question with “we live here” ( which is not an answer) and laughter is a bit odd and inept. I’m sure nobody would hold this against him as a relative newcomer, it takes time to learn social mores and customs in a new culture. To answer your husbands question, yes, it would be fine for you to ask the couple or the man where they came from. I was born in a country within the Uk but not the country I live in now and am frequently asked where I came from as my accent doesn’t match the region I now live in. It’s a normal human interaction to be curious about each other.
In short, yes I would ask this question and frequently have. No I’m not offended when people ask me it as I’m proud of my roots. I reply by telling them where I was born and how I ended up where I am, the long version if I’m feeling chatty and have time, the short version if I’m short of time or a long conversation isn’t socially appropriate.
This is going to come up again sometime so if I were you I’d work on how you want to deal with it with your husband. It’s not an offensive or intrinsically racist question though.

FiveShelties · 25/06/2023 02:54

I am from Lancashire and live in NZ and everyone asks where I am from. Does not offend me in the slightest.

BadgerFacedCoo · 25/06/2023 03:18

We've been told not to ask people this as part of getting to know them as it can be seen as rude to some folks. It took a little getting used to as "where you fae" is usually in the first 3 questions round here on meeting someone.

ocpwr · 25/06/2023 03:22

I really don't see how it's rude . My husband is american and he gets it ALL the time. He actually likes telling people plus i have asked it to countless people just to get to know them.

ListeningToTheDog · 25/06/2023 03:31

I’m American and white. When I’m asked, it’s not the same as people who are asked because of the colour of their skin. If you don’t understand that, you should really try to.

autieawesome · 25/06/2023 03:36

The assumption you are from another country based on skin colour is appalling. I would find that offensive.

Northerners who live in the south being asked where they are from is not offensive and vice versa

Mamaneedsadrink · 25/06/2023 03:36

Yes and No. It's annoying because if you're brown you'll always get this and I think that's what pisses me off. I'm third generation, my great grandfather was the immigrant and sometimes what annoys me is that a first generation white person wouldn't be asked that. It feels unfair and that you'll never really belong. But equally, I also ask people this although in a less tacky way because I'm curious and it is interesting. I prefer to be asked what my ethicinity or background is, because I feel if I'm asked where I'm from it's assuming I'm not from "around here". It's also probably being overly sensitive but when you've grown up with racism and being told to "go back from where you came from" etc it's not surprising that you might be sensitive about it. Plus I'm also proud of it, it's nice to be a bit exotic 😁

Mamaneedsadrink · 25/06/2023 03:36

Yes and No. It's annoying because if you're brown you'll always get this and I think that's what pisses me off. I'm third generation, my great grandfather was the immigrant and sometimes what annoys me is that a first generation white person wouldn't be asked that. It feels unfair and that you'll never really belong. But equally, I also ask people this although in a less tacky way because I'm curious and it is interesting. I prefer to be asked what my ethicinity or background is, because I feel if I'm asked where I'm from it's assuming I'm not from "around here". It's also probably being overly sensitive but when you've grown up with racism and being told to "go back from where you came from" etc it's not surprising that you might be sensitive about it. Plus I'm also proud of it, it's nice to be a bit exotic 😁

aramox1 · 25/06/2023 03:37

I'd never ask it (esp of someone not white) unless they raised it first. It can easily be seen as implying'this isn't your home'. Especially offensive to black and asian british folks, who have to reiterate they are from here.

Mamaneedsadrink · 25/06/2023 03:38

ocpwr · 25/06/2023 03:22

I really don't see how it's rude . My husband is american and he gets it ALL the time. He actually likes telling people plus i have asked it to countless people just to get to know them.

Is he white? Also he has an American accent I presume. If you have a British accent and you're asked, that's often why people feel sensitive about it. I don't see how you couldn't see how that could be rude.

lakesummer · 25/06/2023 03:38

I'm white and Scottish.
I get asked where I'm from now in the USA and I did when I lived in England.
Yes it can be trying, but it is usually just people trying to build connections.
We also get asked why we are here and what we do.
It is just part of being an immigrant I think and not meant with malice just curiosity.

Mamaneedsadrink · 25/06/2023 03:41

Sorry OP, if you have an obvious accent from another country then I think you're being a bit ridiculous. And also being asked where you're from isn't bad in itself, it's when you're probed about it. So if you replied, London and then were asked where are you reaaaaallllyy from, well then that's starting to go into dubious territory

lakesummer · 25/06/2023 03:41

If DH and OP were British I'd assume racism was involved but if they only moved several years ago it seems reasonable to assume that they still have an accent.
My Scotch accent is strong 25 years after leaving Scotland.

Catlord · 25/06/2023 03:41

I understand in some contexts why this question is othering but no, it isn't racist intrinsically to ask. Sounds like the couple were making conversation. Your husband's response was odd- 'what do you do?' is a normal question, not racially charged, and 'we live here' is an evasive answer. Did he feel the man was saying and asking impertinent things generally or is it a question he has been asked inappropriately before? In work settings people may be advised not to ask 'where are you from?' to avoid it being done in an othering manner but it's a question people ask each other all the time with no ill intent.

ocpwr · 25/06/2023 03:46

No. i really don't think it's a rude question. I don't have a racist bone in my body so if i ask then i am just interested.

Swimminginthelake · 25/06/2023 05:04

I think if you have an accent then it's not necessarily racist as people are possibly curious about your country of origin. I get asked it a lot but I'm white British living in the US so I don't mind. I also work with people from many different countries and I do ask this question as I'm curious! But I do understand the sensitivity around it for non white people.