To be asked where are you from

[Tweetypie1st]

For background, DH & I live in UK but originally came from South Asia several years ago. This is our home now.
So we are getting quotes for a garage conversion and we had someone come over to have a look. It was an older husband & wife team and they are telling us all sorts of stories(my understanding was trying to build a rapport) and then the guy asks where are we from. And I could tell my DH getting annoyed, so I just replied where I came from. And then he tells us more stories. And then he asks my husband what does he do? And my DH said we live here and then laughed so it doesn't get awkward. After they were gone, he was fuming saying how racist of him to ask us where are we from; we live & work here! Would it be okay if I asked him the same question? What if we were born here; he thinks it's okay to ask this question just because we have a different skin colour.

Would you ask this question to anyone, especially a stranger? Would you be offended if someone asked you that? How would you reply to the question?

I can see why you find this offensive. It's something I've witnessed with a friend with Asian parents but she's born and bred British . She gets asked it a lot and it's upsetting

Do you have an accent though if you're from
Another continent? That could be why he asked and he was trying to build rapport albeit clumsily

.. so I think your husband was the one being rude, given his answer to the what do you do question. Not that he needs to answer that, but you can just bat it off with finance/construction/work from home.

I've been asked several times where I'm from. My grandad was Indian and I have a very mixed background. I don't find it offensive if someone asks in conversation, but would probably evade the question with 'I was born in London' if it was the first time I'd met them and there was no reason for them to ask. However I was bought up in a largely mixed community and mainly asked by other people who were obviously of mixed heritage too. What do you do is not an offensive question.

I came to the UK as a one year old so I have a London accent, but I get asked where I'm from because I look Asian. I don't mind it coming up in conversation. DH has a US accent so he gets asked even though he's white (weirdly his accent/looks seem more German/Dutch so people are often surprised). Where we are in London most people we know here are from overseas or another part of the UK so we're comparing stories.

If you have an accent that is clearly from another country (as you say you only moved here a few years ago) then why on earth would it be racism to ask? The issue of racism comes in when people are born here, speak with a totally British accent and are then asked where they come from based on skin colour. Unless you have honed the English accent over the last couple of years then I assume this is not the case for you. Odd to be offended in my opinion.

It sounds like general small talk to me. For me as a black woman I don't mind if someone asks where I am from (my accent is northern but I live down south now), I only find it inappropriate and rude if I say I'm from Leeds (which I am, I was born there) and people push- no originally from etc. Thankfully its only happened to me once but aware it sadly happens a fair amount to people. No one takes that much interest in someone's ancestory unless it's disbelief that you're British. Asking someone their job etc is pretty normal too.

It's the accent, not the skin tone.

If you have a local accent and brown skin and you get asked then yes, racism.
If you have an accent it's clear you aren't locally born and that makes it interesting whether you're from Germany, Australia, Ireland or Ghana.

I met a guy with an intriguing, exotic, beautiful accent when I was a teen. He asked me where I thought he was from. It was Ireland. I'd only ever heard the N'orn Ireland accent at that point.

I never get asked because I've got that bland RP accent that interests no one. People are always surprised when they find out I'm welsh.

What is really tiresome is to be asked all the time and be on the receiving end of shitty comments/attitudes.

The insistence of "where are you really/originally from?"

The stereotype jokes about the country I'm from."Should I hide my wallet? Haha " bloody hilarious you fuckwit.

"Are you even legal?" - that was from a coworker.

The change in attitude or sudden lack of interest once they realise I'm not from the exotic /geographically acceptable country they thought I was from.

Proper in your face racist comments . The days after Brexit were fun.

Plenty of other examples.

Once you have several of these under your belt , it does make you more guarded.
It is tiresome. It is offensive. You do get worn down . You do become weary and wary- because you don't know what will come next.

It's context isn't it. I think it's very common to ask someone of any colour where they are from to try and build connections, particularly if their accent isn't local (I'm Scottish living in England and get it the whole time then often get told about their holiday to where I grew up). And that should be fine. Trouble is when you are British but mixed ethnicity then you can get the 'no but where are you really from' question so much it becomes exhausting. Or, to give another example, there isn't a clear answer. DH is British, looks white but has mixed ethnicity and he finds it a difficult to answer question. His parents are from different countries, he was born in a third country then came home to the UK as a small child (but not to the part of the UK his British parent came from). So where is he from?

But you are originally from another country as you stated, so it is really not all that odd to be asked where you come from, unless you have lost any accent, and just have a UK regional accent.

I’m white but have naturally black hair and am very frequently asked where I’m from- every new job, hairdressers, parties, shops, random people when out. I have had people speak to me in Italian but more often people think I am Turkish/Iranian.

Sometimes people can be very insistent that I’m wrong about my heritage and sceptical when I tell them. It’s irritating. Not because I would mind having a different heritage but I hate being grilled about it, it’s very strange and makes me feel uncomfortable.

I have stopped going to a hairdresser who was adamant I was lying about my heritage. It’s bizarre and offensive. I feel like I shouldn’t have an issue with it because I’m white and supposedly don’t experience racism but it feels like racism in the moment.

The issue is not the asking, but the subsequent shite comments. Simple question without these comments is nit inherently bad.

I get asked all the time, brown DH doesn't because he has british accent. If anyone came up with "are you even legal haha" they wojld be swiftly told to fuck iff and taken to hr so they can repeat their super funny joke.

But without these follow ups, it's just big standard convo.

People who are white with regional/European/American accents or heritage who have made uk their home don't get offended when asked where they are from as they are white and feel like they are being asked about their accent but they still belong in UK. Future generations will have a different accent and will no longer get asked that question.
Those with a different skin colour feel offended because no matter how many generations live in the UK, you can't change the colour of your skin. So they will never get that same sense of belonging . I am not white but I am happy identifying as an British Asian

People are just curious, we relocated a couple of years ago, people often ask where we are from originally. Doesn’t worry me in the slightest.

Myp accent doesn't fit where I live so I get asked this all the time. I admit I also have a tendency to do it to others when I recognise the same accent in them. It's resulted in lots of nice chats about how we all ended up here.

OP is where you live a small place? When I moved here people would ask where I live and by that they mean the exact house. It freaked me out at first but they just want to tell me their great aunt lived in it once and then you usually get a run down from about 1930 of previous occupants!

I once asked the mother of one of my son’s friends this. She told me in great detail about her family, some of whom were from Jamaica and some from Persia, if I recall correctly. I felt rather embarrassed as I realized I had put my foot in it and explained that I’d assumed she was from the UK, but couldn’t place her accent and that was why I had asked. Her race genuinely had not crossed my mind.

So this can be a minefield topic, but mostly people asking are probably making conversation and showing interest. They might ask the same question of anyone they perceive as “not being from around here”. I guess if you are from around there, it could be a bit irritating that it’s not recognized, but I don’t think it’s always asked in bad faith.

My dh is not white and he is proud of his heritage and very happy to be asked and to answer. Obviously our children are mixed and they too are proud. They answer with "I was born here in the UK but my dad was born in such and such a foreign country".

I do worry stuff like this is counter productive as it'll get to a point people are scared to talk to us in case perfectly innocent questions get misconstrued as racist.

I hope it's not offensive as I've asked this question before 😳. I just love travel and am fascinated by other cultures, so I love to hear about different experiences. I would probably only ask 'Where are you from?' if they have a foreign accent though, as it's a bit odd to ask second and third generation immigrants this question. If someone has a British accent but is ethnically non white, I might ask 'Where are your family originally from?' Now obviously you could ask me why I don't ask white people this too, but chances are they are just white British like me with no extra cultural influences, so there's not much point.

I'm English (born here), I'm white, but I didn't grow up here so do not have an English accent. I would say about 90% of the people I meet ask me where I'm from.
I know it's not the same. But do you and your husband also have a non- English accent? I'd be more likely to ask you where you are from if you did. Any non white person I meet who has an English accent I assume was born snd bred here, so in course of a 'getting to know you' conversation, one might ask 'where is your family from'. I find most people are very proud of their heritage and are happy to talk about it, so it is a good conversation starter. I don't see it as racist. I'm not making assumptions about the person, other than perhaps they are not from England, which you are not.

I am S Asian. I have a bit of an accent. I am occasionally asked this, and also "What do you do?". I don't find it offensive. People are often being friendly. The Tesco delivery guy asked me this last. He was being friendly because I had ordered groceries unfamiliar to him.

I was born here. Dad wasn't. I frequently get asked this. I see it as a great opportunity to give my family history way back to the 1300s . People tend not to ask again

Obviously, all these comments are horrible.

I’m an American in England but depending on the situation I will sometimes say I’m from Canada just to be cautious.

@AngryGreasedSantaCatcus my husband is scouse and gets should I hide my wallet comment all the time. I get it’s annoying.

But for the most part people are just interested. Maybe you live in a particularly racist part of the world. But where I am no one I know voted for brexit and no one is outwardly trying to be racist. They are just interested