To be asked where are you from

[Tweetypie1st]

For background, DH & I live in UK but originally came from South Asia several years ago. This is our home now.
So we are getting quotes for a garage conversion and we had someone come over to have a look. It was an older husband & wife team and they are telling us all sorts of stories(my understanding was trying to build a rapport) and then the guy asks where are we from. And I could tell my DH getting annoyed, so I just replied where I came from. And then he tells us more stories. And then he asks my husband what does he do? And my DH said we live here and then laughed so it doesn't get awkward. After they were gone, he was fuming saying how racist of him to ask us where are we from; we live & work here! Would it be okay if I asked him the same question? What if we were born here; he thinks it's okay to ask this question just because we have a different skin colour.

Would you ask this question to anyone, especially a stranger? Would you be offended if someone asked you that? How would you reply to the question?

My first few weeks at university as a mature student this was asked by most people to others.

I asked tons of people sane question. Sone were clearly white British and moved to London from say midlands or Scotland. Some were from India or various USA or Canada locations.

If someone just said England I'd find it odd and may ask more, just as curious -where in England? Trying to identify their accent though rather than trying to catch them out as non English!

I am in London and everyone here is from somewhere else, so I guess context matters. Perhaps if I were in a small village with no diversity, I might feel wary and attacked.

Wow your DH overreacted badly.

I would have been incredibly embarrassed and I bet they don't offer to complete the work with an attitude like that

As you say, they were building a rapport with you both, it sounds like a harmless question and he was making conversation.

Your DH needs to get that chip off his shoulder, not everyone who asks where you are from is racist.

My DHs family is Irish and the older generation still have accents. They've never been rude when someone asks them.

I don't think it's necessarily meant in a racist way but it is Othering and if you have experienced racism in the past, I can totally see why your husband would feel this way. I suspect you'll get different sort of answers from someone who s moved across regions in the UK, and someone who emigrated here.
I hate being asked this question and totally relate.

I think you're being sensitive. When I lived in Beirut, I would often be asked if I was Russian or Ukrainian which was a "polite" way of asking if I was a prostitute. That was annoying.

Sometimes, people are just making conversation.

I emigrated here. I have experienced racism in other countries such as Hong Kong, where shop keepers would refuse to serve me because I was brown. And employers would ask me if I could speak English. And when travelling to some European countries.

Would you ask this question to anyone, especially a stranger? Would you be offended if someone asked you that? How would you reply to the question?

I'm not offended, but i'm irritated if pestered by a complete stranger. I usually mumble something like "London" just not to appear rude. But people have no business asking this question, if it isn't "let's make friends" kind of interaction.

I am white and I get asked this all the times the second I open my mouth, due to the accent. I agree it can be annoying but tbh I think you have probably been asked because of your accent and not the color of your skin.
I found even more annoying when I get asked if I am "going home" for Christmas/Easter/summer holidays/etc. I have been living in this country most of my adult life, where do they think home is!

I feel like, as a white person, I'm just never going to ask someone of a different ethnicity where they're from, in case it's interpreted as a racist "but where are you really from". I think it's a bit of a shame it's come to this really - I live abroad, and I like it when people ask about where I'm from, because I miss my home country and like talking about it, and it makes me feel a bit more at home that the people around me know a bit about my background. But round here most people are very careful about the "where are you from" question for the reasons being discussed in this thread so it doesn't happen often.

Agree with this and also no one is going to attempt to speak to people in future, for fear of offering them in some way. We are northern UK and have a Spanish side. Not bothered at all if someone as a conversation starter asks about either. I find it quite sad we are going stop learning about each other.

I'd also say if someone gave me the same response as the OP's husband, I would say he is rude.

I'm
Black and get asked where I'm from but choose not to take offence unless it's clear someone wants to offend me, which it's clear this guy wasn't. Must be exhausting getting annoyed over such small things

I don't think it's racist. People can be curious and although it's up to you whether you want to tell them, it's more of a conversation starter. Maybe they have been to the same places and want to talk about it or just interested.
I've had racism in the past and this is not that.
I think it all depends on how someone says and if they are trying to offend which these people weren't.
Having people shout "you are a curry muncher" and "you shouldn't be in this country" is racist and is trying to offend you.
Pick your battles. This isn't something to get offended by and you most likely will have similar questions in future

My surname is foreign ( I am.white.amd born in uk) - I am asked about where my surname is from and have no issue with the question even from strangers.

I don't think it is racist though - it is fine to have different origins though, whether inherited or by being born elsewhere, and to acknowledge it. I am proud of my my inherited origins.

I get asked this a lot and I hate it and always have, mostly because I don’t really know the answer. What do people mean? Do they want to know where you were born, where you lived as small child, your ethnic origin, where you live now??? What do they want to hear?

If you are not white plus if you have an accent then is it still a rude question.

My kids are very olive skinned and dark and all have strange accents from having lived in different countries, they get asked where they are from a lot. I assume because it's not obvious.

I'm always interested in people backgrounds but I'm careful about asking where someone is from if it's someone who could think I'm being racist.

It's a normal question usually though and it's a shame that people find it racist. It's interesting.

Is it a question that should literally never be asked? I feel that sometimes it is ok (but I'm white so.......) Is it acceptable to fudge the question and ask if someone grew up in the area. Then the person being asked can just say yes or no without having to having ti explain more if they don't won't to.
I think lots of people like to talk about where they are from if it's from overseas.
I'm used to being in circles where people are from all over the world so maybe it's more of a normal question.

Having said all that I don't ask 'where are you from' as it's easier enough not too and I don't want to risk being thought of as racist

I live in a different part of the country to where I am from and get asked this frequently due to my accent. I’m white so it’s not racist. I understand it can have racist undertones sometimes, but just to reassure you at other times it’s genuine interest.

This is the same with my kids. They were born in different counties to where they were raised and to where they now live and have parents from different countries. Their accents and the colour of their skin is quite different to mine too. People love to try and guess where they are from.
They don't feel they are 'from' anywhere.
They all love to be asked where they are 'from'

Some might ask "Where are you from?" in a slightly racist "othering" way but I'm sure others are just genuinely interested and trying to make conversation. I've been to India a lot (in laws live there) and people see me as a white person and ask where I'm from. I don't see it as racism but curiosity. If your DH has been at the receiving end of racism then I can see why he might see this as another attempt to treat him as a "foreigner" or different somehow.

But... for the person asking, you ARE a stranger.

I'm a Spaniard living in New Zealand. I expect people to ask me where I'm from as I have an accent... why on earth would that be racist? I ask people where they are from all the time, because I am curious.

It’s true. Once landlord asked me where we are from, I said country XYZ and he laughed and said „no I meant what part of London do you live in now?”. How was I supposed to know? No one asked me for this information in such way.

Not all ‘where are you froms’ are racist. A lot are tedious as hell though and a fair few are racist.

I don’t exist to satisfy your curiosity.

Well then please wear a sign saying "don't ask me any questions", because all questions are asked to satisfy someone's curiosity.

I live abroad, I always get asked where I'm from based on my name, accent, language skills. That's fair enough, its obvious I'm not native and its a common question for people to ask when meeting someone. If I was getting asked just based on the colour of my skin that would be different because that's not a fair assumption.

I’m Chinese but born and raised in England so also British. DH is from the South of England and white English. I’m asked all the time, I speak with an RP accent. I don’t get offended.

@bladebladebla1 Agree with you 100% on what it feels like being asked.

Totally agree with this, but it seems a lot of white posters don't get that being asked "where are you from?" is a different experience for someone of colour.

I usually assume when someone asks me "Where are you from?", that they mean where I currently live, so I say my home town.

However, I have had exchanges where I have given 4 different answers : my home town, where I grew up, where I was born and finally the country my parents were born which I've only visited twice, because what they really wanted to know was what my ethnicity is.

Why was my first answer not good enough but the last one, which has the least to do with where I'm from is?

OP I get you. Perhaps they were just trying to make conversation, and in your dh's position, I would have just answered with where you currently live. I think when it leads to "Where are you really from?, it just kills conversation anyway, undoing the purpose of the original question!