To be asked where are you from

[Tweetypie1st]

For background, DH & I live in UK but originally came from South Asia several years ago. This is our home now.
So we are getting quotes for a garage conversion and we had someone come over to have a look. It was an older husband & wife team and they are telling us all sorts of stories(my understanding was trying to build a rapport) and then the guy asks where are we from. And I could tell my DH getting annoyed, so I just replied where I came from. And then he tells us more stories. And then he asks my husband what does he do? And my DH said we live here and then laughed so it doesn't get awkward. After they were gone, he was fuming saying how racist of him to ask us where are we from; we live & work here! Would it be okay if I asked him the same question? What if we were born here; he thinks it's okay to ask this question just because we have a different skin colour.

Would you ask this question to anyone, especially a stranger? Would you be offended if someone asked you that? How would you reply to the question?

No but experience has taught me to get get ready for those follow up questions. I can feel myself tense. If it doesn't happen great , but I have still had a reaction.

I agree but for a lot of people who get offended, they also believe you should know, through the art of mindreading, what to say, when, how and to whom at all times.

Saying you're too scared to talk for fear of offending anyone is also offensive to them. Apparently, that too makes you racist. Damned if you do and damned if you don't. See colour. Don't see colour.

@Zarah123 You reply to my post sounded aggressive. I did read your post. You haven't understood my post. I do NOT ask people where they are from (unless in certain circumstances where it's definitely appropriate) .

You are rightly angry at people who are racist towards you when they ask you where you are from but the extension at feeling anger towards anyone who asks you where you are from is why I won't risk asking people where they are from. It seems a shame though.

Doesn't it feel like you are letting the racists win?

I've travelled and lived in a lot in certain countries and if I knew someone was from a certain country I be be interested to chat to them about it (if they wanted!). I mix with people from all sorts of backgrounds, including lots of different countries and lots of different social groups. Talking about peoples backgrounds is very standard stuff.

Ah yes

”where are you from”?

”London”

“But where are you originally from?”

”Oh, Nottinghamshire”

It is always very clear that those asking are upset with the answer Nottinghamshire.

Happens to me all the time. I still have my British accent and probably always will. I live in the US and I’m white so it’s nothing to do with skin colour. It does bother me. I don’t ask the local people where they are from but I don’t think people mean anything malicious by it. They are just genuinely curious and have probably not met anyone from that country before so it’s all new and exciting to them.

People here also assume I’m on holiday as I live in an area which is a very popular tourist destination. When I’m in a shop or restaurant they ask how long I’m here for. I just laugh and say I’m not planning on dying anytime soon and hope I’ve got decades left in me (I’m in my 40s).

I get this too. I'm a Northerner I don't mind someone asking. However when I tell someone and they are like where are you really from I sometimes think how dim can one be?

I've had this from mainly black people to be honest. So don't take it too much to heart OP!

I'd disagree. I have African American friends, and that's how they refer to themselves and their family. I also have friends who call themselves Irish American. Some people identify with their ancestry, that's not surprising, is it?

Reminds me of this video 😆

I did sometimes play the game (before kids).

Where are you from?

City.

Where are you really from?

Oh, small town part of City.

But where are you originally from?

Oh well , we moved from Willsden Green, and before that we were in Northolt. We also lived in South Kensington but that was only for a week , so I don't think it counts.

And so on.

@AintNobodyHereButUsChickens

I liked that video 😂😂

She is hilarious.

That's a great video.

I will say this though. It's not hard to differentiate between someone asking who's a bigot, and someone being friendly and making conversation.

I'm an immigrant. But yes Im white and no one would know until I open my mouth.

I absolutely get it - constantly made to feel you don't belong, are from somewhere else. And I would totally back off.

I think if you MUST (some posters seem to think society as we know it we crumble unless they ask) ask , if it's that essential to you and the way you converse, ok fine. (Not really but your need to know if obviously more important than someone else's comfort)But if you get an answer that's British related, just stop there.

Why do some people think it's ok to pester complete strangers on the street/shops/public transport or barge into someone else's unrelated conversation and demand personal information?

This is what baffles me as well.

Do they?

Strike up a convo at the bus stop, supermarket queue.. sure.

Barge into someone else's convo.. eh no. No sane person does that.

I'm definitely guilty of admiring an outfit when someone comes out of the cubicle into the main changing area. Or saying "yeah that suits you" in a shoe shop or whatever.

But I also recognise (don't shoot me) that folks in the south are more reserved than other parts of the uk, and in Ireland well it's just common courtesy 😂.

Has anyone here said what you just said is ok? I must have missed page or so?

Has anyone here said what you just said is ok? I must have missed page or so?

Plenty of people said it is totally fine to be nosy if somebody looks/sounds foreign. And refuse to understand that it is annoying and can be unpleasant.

What a load of "I'm white, I don't mind it". My DD has a completely English accent not surprisingly since she has only been to school in England but still gets it. Even twice "no where is she REALLY from".

Thanks everyone for your replies which I've only just managed to read. I only wanted to know what others/majority thought. Yes I agree context is important.
A lot of people asking about my husband's response to what do you do question. Basically after I told the contractor which country I came from, he started saying he knew someone from there who was a drug dealer and not the type who would sell on the street but like sell loads & loads of it etc etc and then he turns to my husband and asks what does he do to which my husband (more annoyed now) replied 'we live here, what do you mean' something like that and then laughed & told him briefly what he did to move on.
We don't automatically take offence if someone asks where we come from but these contractors weren't doing themselves any favour by asking blunt questions and tell us weird stories. So we decided not to use them.
I guess I will probably need to talk to my kids about how to respond when they are asked questions like this. They are born in UK, only speak English and don't visit the country we came from! Perhaps they can respond by saying 'are you asking about my ethnicity'? and go from there.

Where are you from?
What do you do?

All the time. Its wearing. I just say London and answer 2nd question vaguely/briefly otherwise depending upon where you are you'd be answering these boring repetitive questions several times daily

Who cares about 'curiosity' there's a point at which over-curiosity does become rude and if you've no manners then it's not on anybody else to take on board.

This has all reminded me of a funny moment from twenty-odd years ago when I was visiting Scotland. I got chatting to a lady who was quite convinced (despite my Australian accent) that I must be from the Black Isle, because 1) I had pale skin and black hair and 2) pronounced McIver properly. I had to tell her that the black hair was from a bottle and I'd only heard the name McIver in Hamish MacBeth, so that was the only pronunciation I knew! 😆

Got to ask - what is the correct pronunciation???

I buy coffee from McIver in Melbourne. Have I been mispronouncing it all this time?

That is not the same like pestering randoms on a street or butting into someone's conversation
MN loves hyperboles and putting words into people's mouth

That should have been in OP you made it sound like they just simply asked while chatting so, frankly, I am quite doubting the story now.