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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be asked where are you from

264 replies

Tweetypie1st · 25/06/2023 01:59

For background, DH & I live in UK but originally came from South Asia several years ago. This is our home now.
So we are getting quotes for a garage conversion and we had someone come over to have a look. It was an older husband & wife team and they are telling us all sorts of stories(my understanding was trying to build a rapport) and then the guy asks where are we from. And I could tell my DH getting annoyed, so I just replied where I came from. And then he tells us more stories. And then he asks my husband what does he do? And my DH said we live here and then laughed so it doesn't get awkward. After they were gone, he was fuming saying how racist of him to ask us where are we from; we live & work here! Would it be okay if I asked him the same question? What if we were born here; he thinks it's okay to ask this question just because we have a different skin colour.

Would you ask this question to anyone, especially a stranger? Would you be offended if someone asked you that? How would you reply to the question?

OP posts:
Mercurial123 · 26/06/2023 05:16

This never happened. You've conveniently added to your story after you didn't get the responses you expected.

JazbayGrapes · 26/06/2023 06:37

This never happened. You've conveniently added to your story after you didn't get the responses you expected.

This happens all the bloody time.

steff13 · 26/06/2023 06:41

So, you moved to the UK from South Asia several years ago (I assume as an adult) But you have an accent that's consistent with someone who was born in the UK? If that's the case then yes he was rude and shouldn't have asked.

Simonjt · 26/06/2023 06:42

JazbayGrapes · 26/06/2023 06:37

This never happened. You've conveniently added to your story after you didn't get the responses you expected.

This happens all the bloody time.

Yep, I do however get told my a certain type of people that the racism I experience doesn’t happen or I’m exaggerating.

TaxDirector · 26/06/2023 06:44

Have you got an accent?

Its a completely normal question. Most people in the uk don't live in the town they grew up in so it's just a chatty question. There's a guy in my team with the broadest Yorkshire accent. He also happens to be south asian heritage/ethnicity. His accent is such a giveaway people don't ask where he's from they ask where in Yorkshire he's from!!

Anyotherdude · 26/06/2023 07:52

I suppose it is quite easy to overreact to this question, OP, but think of this: when we learn languages, one of the first things we learn are the personal questions like what is your name? Where do you come from? Where do you live. and What do you do?
As PP have already said, these are not racist questions, but are traditionally applied to anyone we meet in order to get to know them.
I travel abroad A LOT, and people from Europe, Asia and the parts of Africa I have been lucky enough to visit, white or not, always ask these questions. Unless it is asked in a “loaded” way (and you can’t just assume this, because you are not mind-readers), it is polite to answer these questions in good faith. What happens next is what will tell you if the intentions were racist…

Rummikub · 26/06/2023 07:58

I really wish posters would stop minimising. It is really difficult to not “over react”if experience has taught you that this is a loaded question.

Aak if you really must but please remember that the receiver of the question is going to have a visceral reaction until
they know your intent. Or they know you.

Top tip: don’t precede the question with “I’m not being racist ...”

Speakingmymind · 26/06/2023 09:14

That's a massive drip feed OP 🙄

JazbayGrapes · 26/06/2023 09:19

OP, but think of this: when we learn languages, one of the first things we learn are the personal questions like what is your name? Where do you come from? Where do you live. and What do you do?

"How old are you?"
Think about it for a second...

HotWithNoRain · 26/06/2023 09:49

JazbayGrapes · 25/06/2023 17:43

Why do some people think it's ok to pester complete strangers on the street/shops/public transport or barge into someone else's unrelated conversation and demand personal information?

Don't be silly. No one has said that is ok.

MrsK89 · 26/06/2023 09:50

This thread has gone somewhere else 😂

Cosycover · 26/06/2023 09:53

It's called small talk. That's all. No agenda.

AngryGreasedSantaCatcus · 26/06/2023 16:22

Anyotherdude · 26/06/2023 07:52

I suppose it is quite easy to overreact to this question, OP, but think of this: when we learn languages, one of the first things we learn are the personal questions like what is your name? Where do you come from? Where do you live. and What do you do?
As PP have already said, these are not racist questions, but are traditionally applied to anyone we meet in order to get to know them.
I travel abroad A LOT, and people from Europe, Asia and the parts of Africa I have been lucky enough to visit, white or not, always ask these questions. Unless it is asked in a “loaded” way (and you can’t just assume this, because you are not mind-readers), it is polite to answer these questions in good faith. What happens next is what will tell you if the intentions were racist…

I've learned a few languages (sadly only fully fluent in two) , "where are you from" did not feature as part of any lesson. Where do you live is completely different.

Gytgyt · 26/06/2023 16:36

Cosycover · 26/06/2023 09:53

It's called small talk. That's all. No agenda.

It definitely holds an agenda. It's not small talk there's plenty of other things like how are you for small talk.

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