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Original poster

To be asked where are you from

264 replies

Tweetypie1st · 25/06/2023 01:59

For background, DH & I live in UK but originally came from South Asia several years ago. This is our home now.
So we are getting quotes for a garage conversion and we had someone come over to have a look. It was an older husband & wife team and they are telling us all sorts of stories(my understanding was trying to build a rapport) and then the guy asks where are we from. And I could tell my DH getting annoyed, so I just replied where I came from. And then he tells us more stories. And then he asks my husband what does he do? And my DH said we live here and then laughed so it doesn't get awkward. After they were gone, he was fuming saying how racist of him to ask us where are we from; we live & work here! Would it be okay if I asked him the same question? What if we were born here; he thinks it's okay to ask this question just because we have a different skin colour.

Would you ask this question to anyone, especially a stranger? Would you be offended if someone asked you that? How would you reply to the question?

OP posts:
olympicsrock · 25/06/2023 05:37

Oh no! It’s a really benign question from someone who has a friendly vibe and is trying to get to know you.

I’m a doctor and northerner. If I hear a northern accent ( especially if like mine) I ask where they are from. If they say Lancashire then we have something in common and perhaps trust. If they say Yorkshire I say “wrong side of the Pennines” and we laugh.
Yesterday I asked an Indian nurse colleague where she was from, answer Kerala” and we talked about it .

whiteroseredrose · 25/06/2023 06:19

Context is important here. It may have been just curiosity or small talk. If you weren't raised here the chances are that you have a different accent to your local area. As others have said, accents can be a conversation starter.

The problem is that you could be third generation with a broad Bradford accent and still be asked where you really come from, from which the message is that you're not one of us.

Noicant · 25/06/2023 06:41

I’m Asian and sometimes I’m itching to ask myself, it’s just curiosity, I live in a very expatty place so it’s not uncommon for people to ask where you are from because people are from all over. I used to find it hurtful because it was only asked of the visibly different, but I imagine anyone with an accent is asked as well. There are probably europeans on this board who are british but don’t have a UK accent who’ve been asked.

BoobyDazzler · 25/06/2023 06:44

It’s a difficult thing really. I’m not sure anyone asking where your from can be offensive, especially if you don’t have a British accent - that would probably prompt me to ask out of interest and it’d have nothing to do with your colour.

Justroundthecorner · 25/06/2023 06:50

I’m probably a minority but I don’t like it.

People making a fuss about a perceived difference, whether based on accent or appearance, can really make you feel like a stranger.

Campervangirl · 25/06/2023 06:55

I get asked what nationality I am especially when I have a tan.
Born in England to British parents, white and I have a strong southern accent.
I've been asked several times "but where are you from originally"
England!
Grandparents were Romany gypsy, I have olive skin and I look Mediterranean with a tan.

Folkishgal · 25/06/2023 06:56

I think it's a normal question. I'm white, but I was brought up by a south-asian woman. When I'm with that specific parent we are both asked all the time where we are from, I have a northern English accent and she has an American one. People are just curious and it's nice chatting to people about where we are from and getting to know them too.

The only comment ever that was not okay was when someone asked me my nannies name. Assuming the brown parental figure is a nanny? That's genuine racism. Having someone ask where your from out of genuine curiosity, not so much.

Zooeyzebra · 25/06/2023 06:57

I love being asked. I love telling people about my country and all the other counties I have lived in. I have lived an exciting life and I love my home country. My accent is a real mash up so obviously people are interested

h3ll0o · 25/06/2023 06:59

IsGoodIsDon · 25/06/2023 02:24

I’m white but I get asked where I’m from all the time when they hear my accent

Same here

orangegato · 25/06/2023 07:00

You can be interested in someone’s heritage for non racist reasons. If you notice an accent it’s a common part of conversation and nice that you can tell your story?

transformandriseup · 25/06/2023 07:01

This is very common where I live, a non-local accent can trigger asking all sorts of questions. Most just love to talk and are not racist or rude. I don't have much of a local accent and have lived here 35 years since birth and I still get asked where I am from.

Nussbaum · 25/06/2023 07:01

I'm not British, although I've lived in Britain for a long time. It doesn't bother me if someone asks where I'm from or how I came to live here, which I still get asked often due to my accent.

Startwithamimosa · 25/06/2023 07:03

Justroundthecorner · 25/06/2023 06:50

I’m probably a minority but I don’t like it.

People making a fuss about a perceived difference, whether based on accent or appearance, can really make you feel like a stranger.

I understand what you mean, but generally it's because people are interested. I think you can tell what the person means by their tone and the context of the conversation. I live somewhere with so many new immigrants and it almost feels weird not to ask, like you're disinterested

StrayGoose · 25/06/2023 07:05

I'm caucasian, originally from Canada and I get asked all the time.

People being curious about other human beings and their lives is not something I consider offensive. I see it as making conversation.

Middlelanehogger · 25/06/2023 07:07

How is "I live here" a response to "what do you do"...?

AgentProvocateur · 25/06/2023 07:13

I’m Scottish in the Middle East and get asked where I’m from every time I go to a cafe/get in a taxi/ go to the hairdressers…

MochaFrappe · 25/06/2023 07:13

I expect they were probably just making general chit chat and didn't mean anything by it. I always find it awkward when trades folk come out to house for quotes and don't make any chat and there's an awkward silence so they were probably trying to avoid that

MrsMariaReynolds · 25/06/2023 07:14

I'm an American who has lived in the UK for almost 13 years, and there's not a day that goes by where someone doesn't ask me "You're not from around here, are you?" or similar.

People are genuinely curious. It's not always a racist agenda.

loislovesstewie · 25/06/2023 07:15

I get asked this the whole time, I have an accent that's far removed from where I live now. Sometimes people guess, wrongly, the county I was born in. I don't actually think that people mean harm by it. A lot of it is just chit chat, a way to make small talk. The same way a person asked about if my husband was going to help me with some DIY recently. I said sadly not as he was dead. The intention wasn't to upset me.
Because you are a POC you might think it's being said in a racist way, or for racist reasons, but generally I think people always ask it. Obviously if it's then followed by a racist comment that's a different matter.

VisionsOfSplendour · 25/06/2023 07:15

It sounds like you don't understand the question "what do you do?" Does your husband genuinely not know that it means someone is asking about his job?

Unless there's more context to this on the face of it you are massively getting it all wrong

CwmYoy · 25/06/2023 07:18

My dad nearly always asked a new acquaintance where they were from. It was an opening gambit for a conversation.

He said it was a left over from when he was in the army and new people arrived.

If someone was of an ethnic minority and answered "London" that was enough for him.

No racism agenda at all.

Jobsharenightmare · 25/06/2023 07:24

You've posted on the wrong board here. Because of my name and skin colour I regularly get asked how long I've lived in the UK/where I'm from/when did I come over etc. It does upset me too. I'll happily talk more about it but not on a thread with people who can't get it.

Speakingmymind · 25/06/2023 07:28

The question itself is not racist, it is quite a normal question in trying to get to know someone. Had he followed up after you had said 'Bolton' for example and said "No, where are you really from", that would have been a different matter.

forkshoo · 25/06/2023 07:30

It's a fair enough question to ask. How do you know they were judging the colour of your skin and not your accent? If someone had a non-uk accent I'd ask where they were from as it's interesting to know and shows an interest in them.
I'd find it annoying if my DH was that easily offended.

Justroundthecorner · 25/06/2023 07:31

Jobsharenightmare · 25/06/2023 07:24

You've posted on the wrong board here. Because of my name and skin colour I regularly get asked how long I've lived in the UK/where I'm from/when did I come over etc. It does upset me too. I'll happily talk more about it but not on a thread with people who can't get it.

I get it, if it helps.

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