Would it be awkward/problematic in your family to date outside your race?

[Saramax]

We were discussing interracial relationships at work the other day and I’m intrigued to see how people’s families would react to them dating person of a different ethnicity.

YABU - it would probably be awkward
YANBU - it would be completely normal

Marriages in the family over the last 120 years have involved practising and lapsed Irish / European Catholics, Protestant N Irish, Methodists, C of E, Salvation Army, Orthodox Jews, Reform Jews, Atheists, Indians, black Americans, black Caribbean, Sikhs - no doubt missed some too.

All got on with each other as nice tolerant people. Most problematic initially Orthodox Jews marrying out to Atheists / Catholics ( Parents accepting by the time the 2nd, 3rd, 4th child did it and lived together happily in old age) and Methodists marrying Catholic. ( On Methodist side.)

Not quite the same but I married a German, my Grandad had been through a horrific experience in WW2 but “luckily” it was in Burma. My Gran did say that if DH had been Japanese or similar my Grandad would have been devastated

I am white and my DP is Indo-Jamaican (has lived in the UK half his life, since he was a young adult), and my family treat it as completely normal, as do his family. DP's sibling's spouse is black Jamaican, and again both sides of the family absolutely fine with it. I did have one relative, long deceased, who likely wouldn't have liked it and would have disapproved and made racist comments, but they were very much the odd one out in the family.

In absolute honesty I wouldn't be 100% happy but my children's happiness is my only importance so I would very quickly get over any slight reservations. My husband would be the same.

As my Dad (now deceased) was mixed race it would definitely not be a problem - probably welcomed

It didn’t bother my family (white) but caused big issues for ex DP’s Indian family. They eventually began to like / love me but it took a bit of time, and they also didn’t allow their own grandchildren to visit their home for many years.

Can I ask why? It’s such a very strange idea to me. Do you have a hierarchy of races that would be ok? Is it the culture or the “look” that’s an issue?

Ethnicity wouldnt be an issue.

Religion could be - I wouldn't go for someone with a strong religious faith and my parents would worry about me if I did.

Are you inadvertently saying that the right (or 'unwoke right') are racist then?

My parents and grandparents are deeply, though not overtly, racist. So yeah, they'd have san issue. They'd have a bigger issue with a Muslim partner than a agnostic black partner but they still wouldn't be happy. And they'd never say it out loud in front of them, but I'd know.

We are a "white " family. My daughter's boyfriend is as Asian and my son's girlfriend is black.

Why would you think there might be an issue? Both are beautiful people I'm happy to welcome into our home

SallyWD thank you for highlighting how my ds's girlfriend probably feels!!! My dh married out of our religion last time. He didn't care at the time, just wasn't important. It was only when he was older that his faith became more important to him and, given his time again, he would have chosen someone of our faith.

My parents are in their 70s and I think they would have thought it unusual and tried their very best to be welcoming and polite. I'm sure there would have been many awkward moments. As it was I married someone from the same race and social class. Actually, I think class might have been more of a problem.

It depends on the branch of my family.

My mums family very white and intolerant.

My dads sister is married to a Filipino and he was embraced with open arms.
I married outside my religion and got a few comments made by my grandmother. (Northern Irish Protestant married to an English catholic) even though neither of us are religious and we had a civil ceremony. oh the horror!

My stepdads sisters husband is Jamaican, I believe there were plenty of comments made when they married in the 1970s but these days with children and grandchildren it’s just seen as the norm.

Completely normal in my family. I'm mixed and I've dated white, black and asian men. Literally nobody would bat an eyelid. I find it so backwards that its not completely normal to everyone.

My cousin’s husband is Indian. She is African Caribbean. Our family didn’t bat an eyelid but it was a huge issue on his side. His mother threatened to disown him and then said if he went ahead with the wedding the shame would kill her. His dad reluctantly accepted the situation. They’ve been married about 15 years now and from what I gather relations have improved. My cousin gets on ok with her in-laws now (her MIL survived the wedding after all!). It took a lot of effort on her part to forgive his family’s initial reaction though.

I guess there's just the added difficulty of not being able to communicate properly. I have always been welcoming and kind, I just wish we could have had a deeper friendship and not sure we'll ever get there. If she and my db make each other happy, that's the main thing so no point wishing for some other reality.

Nope, for all that my remaining family are weird and dysfunctional, race/colour/gender of partner (or anything else you could think of) is not and has never been an issue.

'Are they a good person, do they treat you well, do you treat them well...' thats it, thats their level of concern.

High diversity could be its own talking point in one corner of DH's family. Just talk, not complaints.

there's a branch of my family which is like United Nations when we gather. It is fantastic. And never commented upon. I don't think we have anyone with solely African origins turning up, yet. That is only region not represented.

In between the two...there would be no problem, it would just be a bit different until we knew each other due to question of cultural differences and maybe feeling scared they would accidentally offend them. But that would be until meeting them and after that it would be fine. But it wouldn't be exactly the same as meeting someone from our culture.

No, but I’m white British. I suspect this would be more of an issue for some ethnic minority communities with regard to race/ religion.

I do remember reading the dating page of Metro in Wolverhampton 20 plus years ago and was staggered how many people were specifying the race they wanted to date ( which was not always, or even often, their own race).

Happily, no….

@JeandeServiette "No. Nobody blinks. Is it really a problem for many people these days?"

Can we all come and live in your wonderful ideal world?

Nothing to do with being racist but more to do with potentially being with someone who has no understanding of the struggles we go through in life

By that reckoning surely there should be no straight couples either as men don’t understand the struggles women go through? And maybe vice verse too?