Would it be awkward/problematic in your family to date outside your race?

[Saramax]

We were discussing interracial relationships at work the other day and I’m intrigued to see how people’s families would react to them dating person of a different ethnicity.

YABU - it would probably be awkward
YANBU - it would be completely normal

Why would anyone be on eggshells?

Not a problem in my family. What could they do anyway? We all choose our life partners

I think race would have mattered to my parents per se but a different culture / religion might have concerned them, especially one that treated women differently.

Sorry! I meant to say I DON'T think race/colour would have mattered

@Ibizafun What kinds of family traditions and festivals doesn’t your DS’s partner not want to engage in or try to understand? I’m just curious how your DS and his partner are going to miss out the “amazing sense of community” that you have. It just seems like you want her to partake in family traditions and festivals but somehow not doing that she’s not going to feel the community spirit. It’s kind of confusing because I don’t see why she can’t be made to feel part of the community or is going to feel isolated or cut off because of her lack of understanding and engagement. Not entirely sure what family traditions and festivals are so important that gives you that community feel. And why do you hope your DS doesn’t regret it one day if he’s happy now? It’s all very confusing.

Too funny. My parents (mostly my mum) would be the same.

Not so much race but definitely wouldn't be happy about some religions or huge cultural differences that meant I wasn't able to retain my cultural background .

African or afro Caribbean would be no problem.
Indian/Pakistani Muslim wouldn't go down well as they would worry about the way cultural values might play out within a relationship, but they wouldn't overtly be hostile.
Other races would be fine.

I honestly have no idea how my family would react. I would it wouldn’t be an issue. If anything I could imagine my parents discussing it behind my back but being lovely to our faces..
If my kid went was in an interracial couple I know neither me or my OH would mind as long as she was treated right which is the sand or come for anyone she decides to have a relationship with.

It would raise a few eyebrows amongst the elders but it wouldn’t be a problem as such.
It would depend on what race I married into though … 🙄

Race/colour is not the big issue.
But people really, really should think properly before dating different cultures and religions.
The mixing of cultures can go really well or really badly. I think some people enter these relationship in really naive way and then issues start. Like "oh well my x religion husband/wife wants kids to go to x religion church but I am catholic and I don't want them to go to his/her church" Really? Did it not cross their mind before having kids? 🤦

We are mixing cultures and religion and it can sometimes be pita and sometimes glorious. I am always quite sad and weirded out about people who completely give up all their culture for the other person and just blend into the new one. It's weird and I don't get it.

It's not an issue for either side of the family for us. My husband is British, I'm not.
Both mine and his family were very welcoming of us both.
No racism in any way at all from anyone on either side.

You can always retain your cultural background and if the other person doesn't want you to, they are simlly not good relationship material doe mix and should look for partner within their own community then.

Absolutely no issues in my family at all. And as we met living overseas the first time my then partner now DH met my parents was when we moved in with them for 2 months with our daughter when I returned to the UK!

I am mixed race and my mother’s family were very angry that she married a white man (because of racism). And his were equally as angry that he married a non white person: they were racist. But that was the 70s - 50 years ago - time has changed.

I wouldn’t even blink if my children married someone from any country or any race. We live in London and I am mixed race, so I almost expect them to end up with someone with mixed heritage or from another country or another skin colour to them.

My dad would be cool with it but mum no . Wider family would raise eyebrows. It's not something any of us has ever done though so can't tell from lived experience.

No problem here, either.

Show me where I disputed ANY of that? I didn’t so not sure why you felt the need to say all of this when I haven’t said anything against these points.

Nowhere did I say that both parents of different cultures won’t be able to embrace both cultures for their children so not sure where that came from? I also never said people of different races can’t have similar interests so again, not sure where that came from.

You’re mixed race (White and East Asian) and I’m black, do you think we’d have the same struggles through life? If you do then you’re terribly mistaken. The way society treats us is very different and our experiences in life will not have been the same.

I’ve been in two interracial relationships when I was younger. One with a Kurdish guy who I was with on and off for about 3 years and one I was with an Italian guy for 10 months (barely a relationship tbh). I don’t need to sit here writing paragraphs and paragraphs on why the relationships were so different to when I’m in a relationship with a Black guy.

So again, nowhere was I disputing interracial relationships and whether they work or not. Whether people from different races can’t have the same interests and all of the nonsense that you mentioned for absolutely no reason. If you refer to my original post you see that I mention myself and my family. Nothing to do with anyone else and I don’t hold any negative opinions to those in interracial relationships. It’s that simple

I have done in the past, was not an issue at all. One of my parents is now married to someone of a different race so it would have been a bit hypocritical if they did have a problem with it!

I think I can sort of understand when it is about religion or cultural differences (neither would bother me but as I'm not religious that's easy for me to say) but have never understood why race would matter.

@yadeciN I think it's more things like having dc and having to argue out how they are raised, which culture, what's right, which religion. Or how you get married etc. You would have to make these choices most likely at some point.

My parents would have said don't bother, 'stick with your own' attitude because it's easier and what you know because less chance of problems down the line.

Married outside my race. Nobody even blinked. Of course I had been living in DP's country for 10 years so it was kind of inevitable, but I was rather proud of my parents for never questioning it for a moment--given that my father was born in 1911, they weren't exactly progressives.

I’m in my late thirties. I don’t think it would be an issue. Perhaps when I was much younger, my grandparents might have been a bit thrown by it at first, maybe made a few remarks but generally nah don’t think they’d have minded.

Interesting topic for me because I am English but haven't dated an English man in 10 years - think my exH put me off for life 🤣

I spent 4.5 years in a long distance relationship (and subsequent engagement) to a Turkish man. Some family were supportive and some weren't. This was far less to do with him being foreign and more to do with the fact he wasn't HERE (in England) so I think they wondered how it would ever 'go anywhere' in hindsight they were likely right and eventually he met a Turkish woman and we split

I've now been with a Polish man for almost 2 years and had none of the same issues. He's been in England for 13 years, has never been back to his home country and works incredibly hard. All my family and friends are very supportive, as are his.

So in conclusion I think it depends - I spent a short time (5 or 6 dates) with a Pakistani doctor. He was a lovely man and we got on great but he admitted that his family would never accept a relationship outside his culture. I could never be in a relationship where I wasn't accepted so we parted on good terms and are still friends now 😊

My parents are intrinsically bigoted farts. They would say, if asked that it would not be a problem and in the next breath make a stupid <insert>phobic comment.

DH and I have no issue with anybody our children bring home. Couldn't give a monkeys about gender/skin colour/religion. More concerned about mutual respect and happiness.

Times are changing. Thankfully.

I once had a thing with a Muslim guy I met whilst travelling. His race was absolutely no issue, but he said that if he introduced me to his mum as a friend she'd be really welcoming and want to know all about me and teach me how to cook their family favourites and everything, but that if he introduced me to her as his girlfriend it would be very difficult. At the time I didn't see it and thought the main obstacle to us being together was long distance. We stayed in touch for a few years (during which he dated at least one non Muslim woman) and then he met a Muslim woman - possibly someone introduced by his family, or if not, certainly someone they would have approved of - and within months they'd had a big religious wedding and he had disappeared from all social media. If I wanted to contact him now I'd have to dig out an old phone to find his number and hope he hadn't changed it, or ask one of his friends, and I feel that would be inappropriate so I just privately wish him well and hope he is happy. I now think he was being realistic and that for someone like me, trying to have a serious relationship with him and be accepted into his family would have been a nightmare. Even if they had accepted me, I would have had to accept all kinds of things like raising our children in his religion. I don't think love is always enough to make it work in situations like that.