Would it be awkward/problematic in your family to date outside your race?

[Saramax]

We were discussing interracial relationships at work the other day and I’m intrigued to see how people’s families would react to them dating person of a different ethnicity.

YABU - it would probably be awkward
YANBU - it would be completely normal

The colour of skin doesn’t usually matter in most families bar racists of course. Often any issues come from ignorance or simply not having interacted with many people of a certain race.

Differing cultures and religions however is a whole other ballgame. Would a Hindu family tolerate a Muslim partner? Would a Catholic family tolerate a Satanist partner? Would a Jehovah’s Witness family tolerate a Muslim partner? Would a Muslim family tolerate a Jewish partner? Would a Hasidic Jewish family tolerate a Christian partner? I would imagine in many of those situations the answer may often be no or at least the toleration would be with hesitancy initially.

Had comments from my grandparents but they are all dead now. I had comments about how dark my babies were things like that. My parents, aunts and uncles (baby boomers) don’t care aside from occasional comments about how they’re glad they got someone interesting in the family ( he is a political asylum seeker).
My generation (millennials) will often try to pin our relationship problems on his ethnicity (comes from a backwards country in terms of equality) when in actual fact he is just a lazy bastard!

No, not at all. I have 2 young adult children and they've both had relationships with partners from other ethnic groups and I'd have been delighted to welcome these people into the family.

Major cultural differences though - that might be another matter. I wouldn't cope well with, say, my daughter's freedoms being curtailed because of a partner's attitudes. None of my business, someone will be along soon to say. But OP asked, and I'm giving my view, so there!

Race nope. Maybe a bit weird but they'd still be welcomed with open arms if they made me happy. Religion would be very awkward. However, my husband's family (same religion as mine) all the grandkids are with partners outside the religion bar him and Theres no issues.

I think my family would all be very welcoming but concerned about different religions.
some of the older and more distant family would definitely be weird about it! On both sides.

Dating wouldn't be an issue.

But having mixed race/religion DCs would cause tensions. Definite ideas of maintaining indigenous ethnicity. I think all races/cultures do this to a certain extent. I don't think it's a black/white thing.

I think it would be fine

I did. Different country, different culture, different skin tone. We've been married 25 years and have two grown sons.

Neither of our families thought anything of it at all. It's never been an issue.

My parents are racist and would have openly had a problem with certain races and not others. Black people would have been the worst for them.

A different religion would have been a problem too to the point that they would have disapproved of even a different denomination in the same religion. DH is atheist but they approved because they could "tell" that he would come to his senses convert - 8 years later he's even more atheist and to be honest, it's led to much heartache. We celebrate Christmas but they won't visit us unless he converts to Christianity, has in the past stopped taking medication on the proviso that she will take them again if he becomes a Christian etc.

I don't think it's just about being racist, but about being open minded and willing to share and integrate traditions. Even if I had married someone of the "right" race and religion, we would be having problems as my parents do not accept anyone else's way of doing things.

I'm white and have married an Indian man. My family are fine with it. They really like him and think I've done well for myself. My brother is living with a Asian woman and everyone adores her.
I can't imagine being in a family where skin colour would be an issue.

I married someone outside of my religion and I know that lots of my friends and a few of my family disapprove. They wouldn't say it to me though.

No. I’m white, Irish parents who brought us up in London, and it was never an issue.

My DH is black Caribbean. My sister is married to a white guy from Eastern Europe, her ex-husband was from Iraq. My brothers are married to a black Nigerian and Thai woman respectively.

In fact, my Mum and her siblings don’t have any white grandchildren between them.

Our family functions are like UN conventions . We love it.

I'm from a mixed heritage background, so is my half sister. We used to joke that we had no chance of doing anything rebellious in our family. I'll admit that I'd struggle with Islam. I don't want to have to accept that my DD and Grandaughters are second class citizens. I have Nigerian friends whose partners had a real problem with them being friends with white women and would only be happy with their sons using a white woman for sex. I have friends from other parts of Africa who won't mix with Nigerians and wouldn't let their children be friends/date a Nigerian.

The poor woman would probably be a bit upset you divorced her son, tbh

I've dated outside my race and while the relationship was great, his mum hated me bc I'm white (he is south East Asian) and they talked in their native language 99% of the time so it was really hard. He got on ok with my family but I know my parents wouldn't have wanted us to marry.

My db married two women both of whom were from different countries. The first wife was awful but nothing to do with her race (obviously), just a nasty person with very religious and bigoted family. His new wife is Thai and her English is not great so when we are together she disengages and plays with the kids. I have tried to befriend her but she's not really interested, doesn't ask about me etc and it is hard. My parents definitely wish he'd find someone who is culturally the same as us.

I am married outside of my race.

No one in my family blinks at it.

I have had to NC old friends though - those sly little racist fucktards might not say it to your face, but those little behaviours show over time.

What in the racist tarnation even is this question that is somehow actually still being asked in the Year of Our Lord 2023?!?!?

My parents faced hostility but from the Asian community really. As a family when walking down street if we passed people from dm’s community they’d stare/snigger/whisper. She hasn’t ever forgotten that. Different these days.

My mum was white English and actively brought us up to be anti-racist. As long as my boyfriends/ partners appeared to treat me well, she was welcoming to them, regardless of skin colour.

My dad was Greek Cypriot. When I was a teen I was 'not allowed' to date any boys, but even more so if they were black or brown. He was abusive though and had no direct influence over what I did or who I dated once he moved out when I was 17.
He personally found it very hard to adjust to living in the UK and I don't think his difficult character helped.

@SquigglyGum my SIL is exactly like that and we are both white and native English speakers...

Now my Mum is dead and we don’t spend time much with my brother it wouldn’t be an issue. And even if it had been tough shit
MIL might raise an eyebrow but would know better than to say anything

My H isnt white, I am. None of my family had an issue with it apart from my nan who did make a comment about our son's skin colour when he was born as in "oh he's not that dark is he?". I immediately corrected her and the weird thing is, she adored H and constantly remarked how glad she was I had found someone so great. I think the comment was certainly generational although that doesnt make it ok by any means.

I moved away for University (as a means to escape the area I was from!) and met a very nice boy. I knew if I dated him and introduced him to my family there would be lots of teasing and racism.

I'm from a rural part of the UK that seems relatively unchanged since the 90s. Thankfully tourism brings diversity. Albeit temporary (yes, I sadly and regrettably moved back!)

Would never be an issue for me and my husband! So our children will never have the same worries 😊

It wouldn't cause any issues in that my family would be welcoming, but they'd comment on it behind my back. My family live in a small village in Norfolk and are not very worldly. There was are no black people who live in the village and one Asian family. For them it would be something worthy of comment in a way it wouldn't be for anyone I know in the city I live in, where mixed race couples are commonplace.

It would be a problem for my parents, I remember coming home to them waiting to confront me over my boyfriend’s race. My cousin told his mum I was going out with a friend of his & she’d confused which friend, but phoned my mum to let her know I was going out with a person of colour (not the description used).
My husband & I wouldn’t care less if our kids chose to date outside our race.