AIBU to think there is rarely anything good about being a step parent?

[PorkyPINE1]

From reading here and my own experience, I am yet to really be able to name any upside to having stepchildren. Aside from obviously being with the man I want to be with, I feel like there isn't anything I can name about being a step parent that isn't hard work / a compromise / a positive experience.

Not looking for sympathy by the way, I obviously chose this situation. Just pondering after a read on here this morning!

I will never ever ever be a step parent

and I will never ever subject my children to a step parent

living with children that I don’t love or at least not even close to how I feel about my children. No thanks

and going on holiday them? Sharing Christmas with them? Sharing a bathroom with them? Sharing a life with them? Literally shudder

added to which, I’d be a shit step parent because ultimately I would step over them to reach my own children if there was a house fire!

added to which, I’d be a shit step parent because ultimately I would step over them to reach my own children if there was a house fire!

As would I and I am a step parent so not sure what that says ha!

Everybody's experience is different. My DSD has brought a lot of joy to my life and now she is a big sister to my DD and it is lovely to watch.

I think your mistake was considering your partner as seperate from his dc, rather than working out if you wanted to join the family.

I think blended families are tough to get right, and I can't imagine wanting this situation for my dc.

But I have friends who have found a real joy by joining a family, and building a relationship with both their partner and step-kids.

I can't think of anything worse!

I mean he is separate, as are they. They are all their own people, his children aren't simply extensions of him.

Obviously I cannot have one without accepting the other. But it doesn't make it a joy! For me personally anyway.

I can't think of a single positive, it's a compromise that has to be tolerated if you want that partner I presume? Genuinely don't think I could ever get into a relationship with someone with kids, and certainly could never ever have kids with someone else and someone else who already has kids. I recoil at horror at the blended family threads, it sounds hell.

*in horror

I can't think of a single positive, it's a compromise that has to be tolerated if you want that partner I presume?

Basically yes. I was pretty naive I think when I met DH, as much as I've no plan to leave him, if I did I'd never do it again that's for sure.

🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

I have had the worst experience of my life and unfortunately I had my first child with this man and I would say I’d never do it again however it depends on the age of the children and their mother for me. As that is everything that’s ruined it this time aswell as my ex partner being obsessive and other things to one child while he’s got another. If I could go back and have the same daughter that I do now with someone else I’d take it a thousand times over he has ruined everything for me

Not surprising though surely?

I found it hard to begin with but now I get so much put of gaining these people into my life.

We have wonderful relationships.

They are my family and make me very happy.

No idea why you thought it would have any benefits at all.

Possibly if you can't have your own children it's an easier part time adoption solution that you can walk away from if you change your mind?

You couldn’t just aim to save them all no?? I would aim to save all children in my care or nearby!!

@PorkyPINE1 did you have kids of your own? I can see how it would hard to imagine or prepare to what it could be like before hand, especially if you didn't have kids, it gets romanticised in TV and film I think. I'm sure there are people out there doing it successfully and happily, but I would bet they are the minority.

I have a step mum. I really like her, and we have many similar interests. I have never lived with her, because I was in my early 20s when she married my Dad. I would have absolutely hated to live with her and I feel really sorry for children in that situation tbh, as I know I would not have coped with it well at all. If something were to happen to DH, I would not live with someone else or their kids until they had all left home.

No I didn't beforehand and I now have joint DC with DH.

I am both surprised and disgusted you would say such a thing, yes.

My partner loves being a stepdad, and is far more involved & interested in the kids' lives than their biological dad. He never had the urge to have babies, and isn't bothered about having "his own" but he loves mine as if they were and they adore him. I treat us as a family of 4, rather than the him and us I seem to see a lot of on here. He disciplines them and I support him when he tells them off. If either of us thinks the other has been unreasonable, we discuss it away from the kids. He enjoys being a parent, without having had to go through the stressful baby years (they were 7 & 3 when they met him), and there is no conflict of interest as he doesn't have biological kids to consider as well.

No I don’t like being a step parent. I am one because the man I love has a child. But yeah I really don’t like it 🤷🏻‍♀️ the only positive I have, is that my kids from previous, have another sibling/friend that they really like. I think if honest, my partner probably doesn’t like being a step dad either!

At a friend's wedding his Step Dad gave a speech. And he made a (somewhat clumsy!) comment about how he was the one good thing that came from his divorce. He is still married to his mum and she also has a sister who he didn't mention 🤣

It was still sweet though.

No I didn't beforehand and I now have joint DC with DH.

Did you find it harder after that point? I can imagine it changes the dynamic and your expectations a lot.

Well each to their own. Personally my own DC will always be my first and foremost priority. Certainly in an emergency situation. I don't think that's particularly abnormal personally.

There’s not really any benefit to the step kids either though is there, they have to share their parent with you and their new siblings, difference is you chose this for you and them and they get no say in it and you happily admit you’d step over them to get to your own kids in a fire - so leave them to burn. Poor bloody kids.