AIBU to think there is rarely anything good about being a step parent?

[PorkyPINE1]

From reading here and my own experience, I am yet to really be able to name any upside to having stepchildren. Aside from obviously being with the man I want to be with, I feel like there isn't anything I can name about being a step parent that isn't hard work / a compromise / a positive experience.

Not looking for sympathy by the way, I obviously chose this situation. Just pondering after a read on here this morning!

I’m worse

I would step on them if it meant I was able to save my own child

What the SM needs to do is get with the dad when the child is still under about 7. Then she can lovebomb the hell out of them so they adore her.

Buy a "forever" home together that's much more expensive than mum's home, fill it with beautiful things and 100 photos of her, DC and dad together, and their initials everywhere. Buy DC an adorable puppy. Introduce her family as DC's family - DC now has cousins and aunts and uncles. And godsisters, and they go on holiday together all dressed in matching outfits.

SM voices concern over DC in the most caring way, to their dad, about every little thing. Until dad doesn't trust mum and is completely against her. Mum thought she was doing okay, loving her DC and trying to do the best in this new family situation but now feels like a failure, and repeatedly gets told DC are so happy at the other house. DC does indeed appear to be happy, and loves SM.

SM steps up and does things like organising DC's birthday party before mum can, organising holidays away frequently so there's no time for mum as DC would be knackered if they went away with her too.

I don't know how this plays out once DC is an adult but I know the mum's experienced a lot of pain and sadness. But the SM is living her best life with her wonderful family so she must be happy.

Me either, my sc are getting exactly zero from myself or their father

My kids will receive 100% of everything I have so you’re a better person than I am!

Well judging by some of your posts (unless you're just bored and trolling) most people are better than you.

Agree.

Why don't you like him?

Me too re the wills. My DC will receive everything of mine. DSC have their mum to inherit from.

@PorkyPINE1 disgusted here too. Awful awful comment - just think about what you are actually saying

if you love your dH and your DC you love their child/half sibling

why not save all of them. Why say you would step over your innocent step child to save your Dc

and say it in such a flippant way too

Cruel and heartless - and definitely not funny in the slightest

Fuck what a depressing thread. I love my step son unconditionally, I miss him when he isn't here and I value the relationship we have.

My house isn't trashed, I don't sleep on the sofa or any of the frankly bizarre stuff a previous poster mentioned but then again my husband is a decent human and a good father so I wouldn't expect that.

Stepson's mother can be obstructive at times but hasn't blocked my relationship with my stepson and I value it immeasurably and his relationship with my biological children (his half sibs) is really close. My stepson didn't ask to share his life with me, whereas I chose to enter his life the same as other step parents.

Frankly I really hope some of you are trolling or you're a bunch of cunts who should never ever have entered the lives of these children.

My other half is a wonderful 50% dad to his three and they are becoming close pals with my kids.

Their bio dad has all but abandoned my kids after 15-20 years of being a shitty dad.

It's ace having an extended tribe for holidays and I love seeing my bf in dad mode. I love that my kids see what a tremendous dad looks like.

His kids are very sweet and funny as are mine. I love the step parent experience so far.

Just about to meet up with my stepmum and stepsisters for a weekend away, we are all so excited! I hope she doesn't think this about me! My dad has passed away but we still see each other. I still see my mum too.

Absolutely disgusting I've never read such a dire thread, adults who entered knowing into relationships with other adults who had children as well. Disgusting, selfish pigs.

To be fair re: the inheritance

His own mother and her husband are well off and he will be provided for there

My children are my major responsibility so they'll get more

He will be bought a car and given a house deposit at the appropriate times

I do not abuse the boy. But I also have zero maternal feelings

I also feel similarly about children belonging to my sister, and friends

Perfectly pleasant but zero attachment

Yes. I know of dozens of step family situations and the only one I know of that has worked well was a widowed woman marrying a childless man.

@PorkyPINE1 this

you made your bed so you sleep in it

why take it out on the kids

What am I taking out on them? I've said I do loads for them and get on well. I'm not being horrid to them or abusing them. I'm saying, for me personally, being a step parent is not a positive experience.

Thank God some normal people have arrived on this thread.

I was just about to mute this thread as some of the comments have made me feel ill.

When it comes to my children - protecting them and passing on money - it would appear so!!

They will pick up on it and you don't sound much fun.

@MrsJHarker I don't dislike him

Not at all. But I don't love him. I don't feel warm and fuzzy when he's around. He can be funny sometimes and he's an excellent big brother to the smaller ones

But I feel for him like he's my cat

He's just here, I do the necessary to keep him alive and well but would I have got a cat had I seen the bigger picture? No

Am I gonna rehome the cat? No. Am I gonna torment it? No. I'm gonna be kind, tolerate it and never, ever get another cat

On the basis of one thread? It's quite funny because my stepchildren would be the first to tell you I'm the fun one out of me and DH 😂

Well I know loads too and a lot of them work.

I've always been wary of men with young kids who have separated from the kids mum, it would certainly make me think twice about dating them in the first place

They don't know that you started a thread on a public forum about them and how they bring you no joy.