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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To lie my way out of the nightmare that is wedding season

358 replies

Supergluedisaster · 21/06/2023 11:40

I despise weddings. Always have always will. I’m not a social person and I can’t eat in the company of strangers. I hate making small talk and I’m a diehard eco warrior so the compulsory purchasing of outfits and travel and all the crappy ( mostly thrown away) food really grates on me.
they’re always in the summer too, a waste of a day that could have been spent on the beach or in the forest or something with the kids and not boring them to death dressed like miniature accountants for the day.
DH and I could have afforded to do what we wanted for our wedding and we simply signed at the RO and went to the pub, 6 of us took about 3.5 hrs including eating and drinking at pub .Family were delighted we weren’t forcing them to participate in anything else.
anyway, we get about 4 invites a year. I decline nearly all of them ( cousins, friends etc) luckily siblings won’t do weddings either as they share my views so never expected to be important guests anyway. Every single time I say… sorry we’re on holiday. The extended family must think we’re away all summer ! What worries me is that when the kids are old enough to use social media or talk to the family independently they’re going to drop me in it. Also feels a bit awkward trying to avoid them long enough for them to not ask the kids how their holiday was … is there a more ethical and grown up way to avoid these things without offending people? Has anyone ever had the balls to just say ‘sorry not for us we hate weddings! But good luck hope it goes really well?’

OP posts:
traintraveller · 21/06/2023 11:45

No need to make an excuse. Just tick unable to attend on the Rsvp card and send it back, no need to say you hate weddings. I suspect all your family and friends are well aware of your opinion on weddings and are inviting you out of obligation.

2lsinllama · 21/06/2023 11:46

How do the rest of your family feel? Do they want to go to the weddings?
Tbh if I didn’t want to go I’d just RSVP to say sorry we can’t come - without giving a reason. Then send a card and present and think no more of it.

TeapotCollection · 21/06/2023 11:48

Sorry but I’m 😂 at ‘miniature accountants’

Fraaahnces · 21/06/2023 11:49

Sounds bloody marvellous

YouveGotAFastCar · 21/06/2023 11:51

Why are you lying?

Why don't you just say you won't be attending, wish them well and send a card/present?

MaryBeardsShoes · 21/06/2023 11:52

The ethical and grown up thing to do is to be honest from the outset.

Supergluedisaster · 21/06/2023 11:52

traintraveller · 21/06/2023 11:45

No need to make an excuse. Just tick unable to attend on the Rsvp card and send it back, no need to say you hate weddings. I suspect all your family and friends are well aware of your opinion on weddings and are inviting you out of obligation.

I wish they were just rsvp cards! That would be so easy to manage but these are usually WhatsApps, phone calls etc too! Being chased up by my aunts on their behalf sometimes. One cousin lives a few doors away from us asked in person! I said we were away. we had to actually hitch the caravan up and drive the 5 miles or so to the coast for the weekend just to avoid them seeing us at home. It’s gotten ridiculous.

OP posts:
IglesiasPiggl · 21/06/2023 11:53

You'll probably find the invites tail off once most of your friends are married. I am late 40s and not had a wedding invite in years now.

afaloren · 21/06/2023 11:54

Why are people asking why you’re declining? When I got married I didn’t ask anyone why if they said they weren’t coming!

Hoffi · 21/06/2023 11:55

It's a shame, because you do sound as if you'd be tremendous fun at a wedding, for everyone involved, but if you can't face it, you can't face it.

Dammitthisisshit · 21/06/2023 11:55

‘I’m sorry but we’re not able to attend. Hope you have a fantastic day. Love superglue.’

we had very few rejections to our wedding (none I think). But some people came and didn’t stay for the full event. I’d have much rather they’d just declined then we could have invited someone else.

Suprima · 21/06/2023 11:57

What kind of stiff, dull weddings have you been invited to which are constantly so far away you worry about your carbon footprint (do you never go anywhere by car or train?) and have all the food thrown away?

I’ve also seen the kids in nice chinos and trainers having a blast in the sunny woods and gardens of the reception high on Coca Cola. No bored mini accountants in sight.

your description of weddings are nothing like the ones I have been too.

i’d maybe try attending one

Toottooot · 21/06/2023 11:59

With that attitude I’m pretty amazed that anyone would actually want you to attend their wedding. 💁🏻‍♀️

RiseYpres · 21/06/2023 12:00

Just say you have another obligation. Terribly sorry to miss it, hope it all goes well.

Done.

That's what I do. None of this nonsense of pretending to be away.

Supergluedisaster · 21/06/2023 12:00

IglesiasPiggl · 21/06/2023 11:53

You'll probably find the invites tail off once most of your friends are married. I am late 40s and not had a wedding invite in years now.

That would be nice im almost 40 now. I find it a bit stressful getting them ( stupid I know) but I just feel a bit guilty about it even though some of my reasons are quite good ones. My boys are pretty feral too, I think they’re nuts wanting them there to begin with ,they’ll play up . Blame the generation before me for having 10 kids who then had an average of 3 each… makes for a hefty headcount on the cousin front ! and one of my cousins is a serial wedding haver! I can’t remember if it’s her 3rd or 4th rodeo this year. She could have bought herself a house outright with the money instead. Yes I judge her, not sorry.

OP posts:
OhBling · 21/06/2023 12:00

Not really the point but why on earth are you invited to so many weddings? Do you have the biggest family in the world? I've always found it comes in waves - so there's a period where cousins etc are all getting married, a period where friends are getting married and then largely nothing for years. We have been invited to about 2 weddings in the last 5 years.

I have, on the other hand, attended at least 4 funerals over the same period. Sad

RiseYpres · 21/06/2023 12:01

Although I am going to a Glastonbury festival themed wedding at the end of August (in Glastonbury no less!) and that is as far as what i can imagine from being my type of wedding too. But I am having loads of fun imagining the outfit I am going to buy DH and DS1 and DS2!

darkmodeon · 21/06/2023 12:01

Half the people who are there won't want to be there either. I think you're just going to have to book holidays.

Anotheruser123 · 21/06/2023 12:03

You come across as very principled and sure of where you stand on things, so I’m really surprised this hasn’t developed the adult part of you being able to articulate yourself to your family.

EllaRaines · 21/06/2023 12:06

Bring your feral kids to one wedding and word will soon spread about their poor behaviour and I guarantee you'll never be invited anywhere again as a family.

Enko · 21/06/2023 12:08

There is a route between lying and being rude.

Thank you for the invite we won't be attending but wish you a lovely day. Kind regards xx

I've voted YABU simply because you lie and take it that far you would rather hitch up the caravan than say no tnx.

You don't do weddings that's OK. Expecting others to do like you is not.

Supergluedisaster · 21/06/2023 12:09

Suprima · 21/06/2023 11:57

What kind of stiff, dull weddings have you been invited to which are constantly so far away you worry about your carbon footprint (do you never go anywhere by car or train?) and have all the food thrown away?

I’ve also seen the kids in nice chinos and trainers having a blast in the sunny woods and gardens of the reception high on Coca Cola. No bored mini accountants in sight.

your description of weddings are nothing like the ones I have been too.

i’d maybe try attending one

Ones at country houses and the like with classic cars and everyone dressed like they’re about to stand on the royal balcony to wave at the peasants. The food that’s served in tiny lukewarm portions in insipid watery plasma and the speeches that drone on. The old fashioned, showing off money and putting all the belligerent old farts you can’t stand within touching distance of you and letting them drink in the afternoon so they’re level 10 annoying…type weddings. Ones where I need to wear shoes and a dress. Yeah, no.

OP posts:
drpet49 · 21/06/2023 12:09

I’m shocked you are invited to any weddings with your holier than thou attitude.

Thatbloomindog · 21/06/2023 12:10

I haven’t been to a wedding like that since about 1999 though.
most weddings these days are very relaxed affairs.
but anyway just say you can’t go. You’re only being chased by aunts because the couple needs to know numbers.

ProbablySleeping · 21/06/2023 12:13

What an unpleasant and judgemental person you are. I assume you must be very two faced as well, as if anyone knew you felt like this they really wouldn't want you at their wedding anyway

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