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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To lie my way out of the nightmare that is wedding season

358 replies

Supergluedisaster · 21/06/2023 11:40

I despise weddings. Always have always will. I’m not a social person and I can’t eat in the company of strangers. I hate making small talk and I’m a diehard eco warrior so the compulsory purchasing of outfits and travel and all the crappy ( mostly thrown away) food really grates on me.
they’re always in the summer too, a waste of a day that could have been spent on the beach or in the forest or something with the kids and not boring them to death dressed like miniature accountants for the day.
DH and I could have afforded to do what we wanted for our wedding and we simply signed at the RO and went to the pub, 6 of us took about 3.5 hrs including eating and drinking at pub .Family were delighted we weren’t forcing them to participate in anything else.
anyway, we get about 4 invites a year. I decline nearly all of them ( cousins, friends etc) luckily siblings won’t do weddings either as they share my views so never expected to be important guests anyway. Every single time I say… sorry we’re on holiday. The extended family must think we’re away all summer ! What worries me is that when the kids are old enough to use social media or talk to the family independently they’re going to drop me in it. Also feels a bit awkward trying to avoid them long enough for them to not ask the kids how their holiday was … is there a more ethical and grown up way to avoid these things without offending people? Has anyone ever had the balls to just say ‘sorry not for us we hate weddings! But good luck hope it goes really well?’

OP posts:
Andanotherone01 · 21/06/2023 12:46

I'm amazed you receive any invitations at all!

FangsForTheMemory · 21/06/2023 12:46

When you get the invitation, book that weekend away?

Ihatewashingdishes · 21/06/2023 12:47

@Brrrrrrrrrrrr same! What a load of nonsense they are.

Kilorrery · 21/06/2023 12:47

And I also don’t recognise the types of wedding you’re describing as though they’re inevitable. We just went out for tapas after a ten-minute registry office ceremony in London. Lots of friends had potluck in the garden, or stuck a tent in local woodland and everyone camped out for the night, or hired a pub. Many of the more formal urban ones were the shortest and easiest, as they just involved a restaurant meal after a ceremony. Children were wearing anything from swimsuits to the contents of a dressing up box to ordinary clothes. DS has never in his life dressed like a miniature accountant. I have three or four old, classic things that suit me that I wear to all weddings.

SimonsCow · 21/06/2023 12:48

Agree no need to outright lie. Just say that the kids are a handful and the wedding would be stressful and unpleasant for all involved if they were to attend.

Its hard to tell from your posts if it’s just normal kid behaviour but you might want to work on their manners!

Supergluedisaster · 21/06/2023 12:48

MrsMorrisey · 21/06/2023 12:43

Geez you sound like a barrel of laughs.

What's with all the weddings? Sounds a bit odd.

I have over 30 first cousins. So its mostly my families fault ! They’re pretty competitive too which is why they’re quite fancy and over the top. They use our place as a free crash pad for holidays as we’re in Cornwall. A few of us live here but they have small places. So we provide bed and board to several of these households from time to time and in return all we get is wedding invites and demands for cash. I love my boys seeing their relatives and mixing with them but travelling with a large young family and this type of event is horrifically expensive and stressful for us. Plus the truth is I genuinely hate them. I can’t help it.

OP posts:
marblesthecat · 21/06/2023 12:50

I'm the same OP. I used to make up lies when I was younger but now I'm honest and just tell people I hate weddings and they wouldn't want my miserable face there. My own wedding was during lockdown with only witnesses and honestly I'd have not gone to my own if I could 😅

AliceOlive · 21/06/2023 12:52

I think someone should make a movie about you and your extended family.

Other than that, no advice.

ODFOx · 21/06/2023 12:53

We had one year with 23 invitations! I love a wedding but it was just ridiculous.
Just send apologies in advance and £50 in a card nearer the time.

Americano75 · 21/06/2023 12:54

Supergluedisaster · 21/06/2023 11:52

I wish they were just rsvp cards! That would be so easy to manage but these are usually WhatsApps, phone calls etc too! Being chased up by my aunts on their behalf sometimes. One cousin lives a few doors away from us asked in person! I said we were away. we had to actually hitch the caravan up and drive the 5 miles or so to the coast for the weekend just to avoid them seeing us at home. It’s gotten ridiculous.

I really applaud your dedication! I don't get asked to many weddings, and I am really happy about that.

Supergluedisaster · 21/06/2023 12:55

SimonsCow · 21/06/2023 12:48

Agree no need to outright lie. Just say that the kids are a handful and the wedding would be stressful and unpleasant for all involved if they were to attend.

Its hard to tell from your posts if it’s just normal kid behaviour but you might want to work on their manners!

There are 4 of them under 8. They are free range, outdoors type boys that are very sweet natured, kind to animals , kind to each other and very polite. They can also just get bored very quickly when cooped up and of course set each other off and become absolute dickheads when they want to be. They have so much energy it’s unreal. I like them and they’re popular boys in the village. So it’s probably more a me and situation problem than the kids tbh.

OP posts:
JusthereforXmas · 21/06/2023 12:55

Yeah you dont come off good here OP, wonder you have any friends, maybe these are just curtousy invites and they are praying you dont come anyway because they know you're a miserable, virtue singnalling, judger.

I will say why on earth do you think you need to buy new outfits... where does this idea that you can never wear the same occasion dress twice come from. Of course you can, in the old days people use to have one versitile dress (little black dress being the classic) that they used for most things then just accessories with a mix and match of shoes/handbags/jewellery/jackets etc... that you already own.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 21/06/2023 12:55

IglesiasPiggl · 21/06/2023 11:53

You'll probably find the invites tail off once most of your friends are married. I am late 40s and not had a wedding invite in years now.

Yep luckily for me in mid to late 40s wedding invites tailed off too though I’ve had the odd older man finally settle down with a younger woman one…

IsThereAnEchoInHere · 21/06/2023 12:56

Off topic, but how do you as an ’die hard eco warrior’ explain having children?
That’s the worst thing you could do to the planet?🤔

mindutopia · 21/06/2023 12:56

Just send them a card and wish them well for the happy day, but you won't be able to make it. No need to make up an excuse. I suspect you are invited out of obligation, as are most extended family, so no feelings will be hurt.

Other than the crazy uncle who RSVPed but didn't show because he decided to go off for a weekend jaunt with his toyboy lover while his wife was suitably distracted by a wedding to go to, I could not even tell you who attended our wedding and who didn't, except for close family and a few of our close friends who we spent the most time with. Honestly, no one will care.

maranella · 21/06/2023 12:56

I don't think I'd say I was on holiday, I'd just say that we were unable to attend.

JusthereforXmas · 21/06/2023 12:57

Supergluedisaster · 21/06/2023 12:55

There are 4 of them under 8. They are free range, outdoors type boys that are very sweet natured, kind to animals , kind to each other and very polite. They can also just get bored very quickly when cooped up and of course set each other off and become absolute dickheads when they want to be. They have so much energy it’s unreal. I like them and they’re popular boys in the village. So it’s probably more a me and situation problem than the kids tbh.

lol this sounds like a mother and her kids round here... people are extra nice to her and praise every little decent action of her kids because they know her kids are fucking hard work not because anyone likes them and thinks they are great kids.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 21/06/2023 12:57

JusthereforXmas · 21/06/2023 12:55

Yeah you dont come off good here OP, wonder you have any friends, maybe these are just curtousy invites and they are praying you dont come anyway because they know you're a miserable, virtue singnalling, judger.

I will say why on earth do you think you need to buy new outfits... where does this idea that you can never wear the same occasion dress twice come from. Of course you can, in the old days people use to have one versitile dress (little black dress being the classic) that they used for most things then just accessories with a mix and match of shoes/handbags/jewellery/jackets etc... that you already own.

I think sometimes it’s not just about outfits it’s about the whole shebang that goes with it, accommodation if not near, gift registry, hen party etc. easy to just opt out.

Oysterbabe · 21/06/2023 12:57

IsThereAnEchoInHere · 21/06/2023 12:56

Off topic, but how do you as an ’die hard eco warrior’ explain having children?
That’s the worst thing you could do to the planet?🤔

And 4 of them to boot.

Blossomtoes · 21/06/2023 12:58

I can just hear the bride’s sigh of relief as she opens OP’s refusal of her invitation.

OhmygodDont · 21/06/2023 12:59

I genuinely do book holidays over most weddings. Sadly got caught out by one this year I am not looking forward to it at all. It’s dh’s old school friend so he knows everyone and I know him….

theGooHasGone · 21/06/2023 12:59

Don't blame you at all, far too many weddings are just people trying to one-up each other. If you don't want to go, don't. You're free to think whatever you want about the people involved.

pollykitty · 21/06/2023 13:00

Why do you need a reason? Why lie?
’Thank you for the invitation, unfortunately we won’t be able to make it to the wedding. Congratulations, wishing you a lifetime of happiness’

pollykitty · 21/06/2023 13:02

Oysterbabe · 21/06/2023 12:57

And 4 of them to boot.

boom

LittleGreenDuck · 21/06/2023 13:02

IsThereAnEchoInHere · 21/06/2023 12:56

Off topic, but how do you as an ’die hard eco warrior’ explain having children?
That’s the worst thing you could do to the planet?🤔

It's ok, they're "free range".