To lie my way out of the nightmare that is wedding season

[Supergluedisaster]

I despise weddings. Always have always will. I’m not a social person and I can’t eat in the company of strangers. I hate making small talk and I’m a diehard eco warrior so the compulsory purchasing of outfits and travel and all the crappy ( mostly thrown away) food really grates on me.
they’re always in the summer too, a waste of a day that could have been spent on the beach or in the forest or something with the kids and not boring them to death dressed like miniature accountants for the day.
DH and I could have afforded to do what we wanted for our wedding and we simply signed at the RO and went to the pub, 6 of us took about 3.5 hrs including eating and drinking at pub .Family were delighted we weren’t forcing them to participate in anything else.
anyway, we get about 4 invites a year. I decline nearly all of them ( cousins, friends etc) luckily siblings won’t do weddings either as they share my views so never expected to be important guests anyway. Every single time I say… sorry we’re on holiday. The extended family must think we’re away all summer ! What worries me is that when the kids are old enough to use social media or talk to the family independently they’re going to drop me in it. Also feels a bit awkward trying to avoid them long enough for them to not ask the kids how their holiday was … is there a more ethical and grown up way to avoid these things without offending people? Has anyone ever had the balls to just say ‘sorry not for us we hate weddings! But good luck hope it goes really well?’

I decline most invitations, don’t ever say why though. I’ve never needed to lie!

I just say something vague like “thank you for inviting us, so sorry we can’t attend but we send you very best wishes for a fantastic day. We look forward to hearing all about it” (ok actually that last bit is a lie granted although I am always happy to have a nosey at the photos of the dress).

Lots to unpick here.

I have two dresses. They are fine. I have a pair of heels too which are also fine. It’s not my outfits that are the problem I’ve been the same size ( bar pregnancies ) for twenty years . It’s the 4 kids who are expected to wear smart clothes that they will never wear again. It’s the fact that they always split the backside or scuff the knees or pop the buttons off and therefore they can’t be sold on or handed down. Our lifestyle is fine for them when they want a free holiday In Cornwall. We are extremely generous hosts. But driving up the motorway in an old pickup with all those boys moaning and fighting and whacking each other is hardly the dream is it? And yes, I get Ill from the stress and the fact I have issues with food so tend not to be able to eat much/ or at all.

"travelling with a large young family and this type of event is horrifically expensive "

Surely if you are an eco warrior you don't own a car, go on buses and trains or God forbid ever go on an airplane?

I've been to weddings that are about 8 people in a pub, festival themed weddings, a shaman wedding, a zoro-astrian wedding, weddings abroad and lots of lovely marquee and country house weddings. They're about supporting people you care about and celebrating their love in the way that is meaningful to them, not criticising the dress code or food. I'd go and show your children that there are lots of aspects to life and life is richer for embracing other people's values for a day.

Spiteful 😕

OP is being honest about not wanting to attend a social event. It's you I wouldn't want to spend time with, you have a nasty judgy attitude.

You sound joyous to be around

I think you sound great! And can completely understand why you don't want to go to weddings. It's a shame you can't make your feelings clear in some sort of one off message rather than having to see off every invitation individually.

Fucking hate weddings. I just say I can't go.

Just say you are going to another wedding.

I like your commitment of driving away in your camper van 😂

Ah, another ‘eco warrior’ with four children 🤣

OP I really don’t think you’re in any position to be so sneery and superior about the carbon footprints of other peoples weddings. It’s pretty cringe.

You might want to read back and reflect on your comments because you’re not coming across brilliantly well here. How about valuing kindness, love and open minded acceptance of different tastes over and above your particular brand of selective eco activism which only applies to other not so wild, free and special people.

Wow to moaning about the environmental impact of travel to weddings but then towing your caravan somewhere for no reason....

Which presumably is fully electric and not diesel powered….?

Reply, thanks for the invite. Hope you have a lovely day. So sorry we won't be able to attend.

End of.

If anyone is so pushy about why you won't be there, either fob them off saying you already have plans, or if they're really pushy tell them it's nothing personal but you just don't like weddings, without any more detail.

Don't lie, not worth the aggro.

This. ^

Just don't go @Supergluedisaster

I doubt you will be missed. You sound so miserable and curmudgeonly and judgy. No-one needs THAT at their wedding.

This 🤣

A diehard eco warrior with a van and 4 kids 🤣🤣

You just mean you like tie dye and spliffs don't you OP? 😅

Your views sound very extreme so I think you need the balls to own them!

I once actually booked a holiday to avoid a particularly wanky wedding which was going to cost us hundreds to attend as well as being a logistical nightmare. Had a nice easy city break abroad for about the same price. Do that.

Don't blame you I feel similar with the posh hotel type ones anyway. A social club where the kids can run round I don't mind but expensive stuffy venues all about the aesthetics and hardly and food no thanks

Hmm, you and your family sound very much like a family near me. Kids completely feral and no, they aren't liked in the village because they are rude, arrogant, badly behaved little shits. Nor are their parents who prance around the village as if they are more superior than people that have lived here for generations and, in contrast to this family, actually lead a more eco-friendly lifestyle....
oh and if you are my neighbour....I might drive a large car, but that's nothing compared to the carbon footprint your myriad of children cause compared to my....none :-)

Haha, yes. Or she likes to invoke the environment for moral superiority, to cover her personal food issues and the fact that her kids are feral and a nightmare. It's better for the ego.

Stay home, OP, everyone will have a better time without you lot there. Just stop telling yourself and your four children that you're doing it to save the earth, or because you're above everybody.

How can there be so many people who you despise so much, who all want to spend time with you?

Nobody's keeping a spreadsheet with reasons invitees have given not to attend and then sending a network of spies out to check. They just want to know how many starters to order and how much the wine is going to cost, and whether there's room on the guest list after all for Auntie Mabel.

You can reply with "So kind of you to invite us but I'm afraid we can't make it - have a wonderful day, we will be thinking of you!" and leave it at that. Gift & card, job done.

The polite ways of saying no suggested by others I think are the best options. As you had a wedding without large numbers of people there is no hypocrisy on your part.

I don't think you should in any way beat yourself up or feel miserable about not attending.