To lie my way out of the nightmare that is wedding season

[Supergluedisaster]

I despise weddings. Always have always will. I’m not a social person and I can’t eat in the company of strangers. I hate making small talk and I’m a diehard eco warrior so the compulsory purchasing of outfits and travel and all the crappy ( mostly thrown away) food really grates on me.
they’re always in the summer too, a waste of a day that could have been spent on the beach or in the forest or something with the kids and not boring them to death dressed like miniature accountants for the day.
DH and I could have afforded to do what we wanted for our wedding and we simply signed at the RO and went to the pub, 6 of us took about 3.5 hrs including eating and drinking at pub .Family were delighted we weren’t forcing them to participate in anything else.
anyway, we get about 4 invites a year. I decline nearly all of them ( cousins, friends etc) luckily siblings won’t do weddings either as they share my views so never expected to be important guests anyway. Every single time I say… sorry we’re on holiday. The extended family must think we’re away all summer ! What worries me is that when the kids are old enough to use social media or talk to the family independently they’re going to drop me in it. Also feels a bit awkward trying to avoid them long enough for them to not ask the kids how their holiday was … is there a more ethical and grown up way to avoid these things without offending people? Has anyone ever had the balls to just say ‘sorry not for us we hate weddings! But good luck hope it goes really well?’

Whilst I similarly had a quick registry office do,then down the student union,not everyone is like that.
There is actually a bizarre concept ,it’s called making an effort. Today all we hear is to do what you like,don’t like it just say no etc etc but guess what,sometimes you have to do things in life you don’t like especially for those you care about.
You are putting your own antisocial feelings ahead of loved ones for what is frankly one day to you,but something extremely important to them. Your actions are selfish and you are using your principles,of which you suppose make you superior,as an excuse. What example does this set your children? Indeed when your kids are older and maybe you need them for something,maybe they’ll leave you to it because they just won’t enjoy it.
I wouldn’t worry though,folk will soon get the message and the invites will dry up.

This is all getting a bit unpleasant and personal - the point of MN is to be able to ask things like this that are just too tricky to ask in real life! If the point here is that you don’t want to go, then own that. (The “I’m an eco warrior” thing does come across as a bit holier than thou and will encourage people to reflect on and comment on your own choices.) The question is whether or not you feel close enough to any of these people that your presence will be genuinely missed; if so, then I’d probably suck it up as a favour to them. If it won’t, then just dodge - “so sorry, we can’t come; wishing you a wonderful day”. If pushed for a further reason, you can say “too difficult with the kids”, but I wouldn’t tell an outright lie, especially to family, where it’s likely to be found out.

@LordEmsworth I expect they would love an opportunity to see the children as it sounds like the op doesn't allow them to mingle with anyone else unless it's a field trip full of Crusties all hugging trees and talking shite about saving the planet whilst the kids run around shrieking and rolling in mud.

Isn't that literally the definition of "family"? I'm joking... am I...

Wow you sound really cool and radical OP.

No wonder everyone is desperate to have you at their weddings. 🤘

It’s better for the environment to keep using old farm vehicles than to buy new ones even when they are electric. There are no electric charging points here. We have an aga because we live in a farmhouse that’s not on the mains gas and it’s less than 5 miles to the beach. Our house is very eco friendly, it has to be! We couldn’t afford to manage otherwise. The boys have school t shirts and shorts and one pair of shoes each because they only really wear shoes at school. They are outdoor boys. Their dad’s a farmer. It happens. It’s normal and the typical culture here to eat local and for kids to play outside and I’ve become accustomed to a quite simple lifestyle with minimal waste.

I think that if you decline an invitation to a wedding it is a bonus for the bride and groom - but not in the way the Vipers are trying to portray you OP.
Simply put , your 6 spaces can be allocated to friends who might otherwise be sidelined . I would keep the date in your calendar so you can enjoy the sday your own way. As an old MN saying has it - its an invitation not a summons. Just send a signed , preprinted card as a response and then a nice wedding card (with a gift if appropriate) nearer the date- job done.
You really dont need to explain your whole life and reasoning - you leave yourself wide open to the nastier members of society as you can plainly see from this thread.

I'm surprised that so many people are judging you OP. People like different things - it's not wrong or right. I hate socialising with crowds whether they are made up of dearly loved family members or not. People always have a warm welcome when they visit us and they know and accept that I don't "do" other stuff.

This is so rude and unpleasant. This is your family...I'd be so hurt if someone did this to me. For some people, you have to grin and bear it.

There is is obviously something about your personality that is failing to come across here.
Try telling us one of your hilarious jokes OP.
😁😁😁

You're just better than the rest of us OP
well done

What you have to remember is that at least half of the invitees to a wedding are done out of a sense of obligation. A lot of the time the happy couple aren’t bothered if those obligated invitations are accepted or not. At our wedding there were at least 50 people who I hardly knew (extended family, friends of parents etc) and it wouldn’t have bothered me one iota if they hadn’t attended.

I’m with PPs, my wedding is next month and I haven’t cared one shiny shit if people have text to say ‘we won’t be at your wedding, have a good day’. I wouldn’t want to force someone who doesn’t want to be there to attend.
Maybe tell everyone in your family and friendship group what you really think of them, and you’ll get invited to less weddings. Win win.

Just say exactly what you said here. That you are a po-faced eco warrior and their bourgeois little celebrations are way beneath you.

That should sort it out.

I don’t know what a crusty is. I live in a farm house in a remote area . We like simple quiet things and minimal ‘stuff’ is that a crusty?

@Supergluedisaster I'm with you- we got married overseas in Europe in the 90s- just 6 of us there at the RO and then stayed on for a week- 4 hours on a hotel terrace in the sun followed by a night at the casino and a great meal- fab day!!

Loved this😂

Most people with 0, 1 or 2 kids will be far, far lower impact over their lifetimes than someone with 4 children. Regardless of minimising waste etc.

It's really great that you are somewhat environmentally conscious and we must all do our bit, but you need to disabuse yourself of the notion that you're superior to all these terrible people who live differently to you. First and foremost because a lot of them will actually be more eco friendly!

YANBU for declining wedding invites and the simple solution is just to say "sorry we don't do weddings as it's really difficult with the kids and various other things, but all the best and have a great day!". YABVU for all the ridiculous snobbery.

and a caravan!

I’m not a social person and I can’t eat in the company of strangers. I hate making small talk and I’m a diehard eco warrior so the compulsory purchasing of outfits and travel and all the crappy ( mostly thrown away) food really grates on me.

I’m gobsmacked you get any invitations 😂

Is 'free-range' the 'die hard eco' version of 'spirited'?

It’s better for the environment to keep using old farm vehicles than to buy new ones even when they are electric. There are no electric charging points here. We have an aga because we live in a farmhouse that’s not on the mains gas and it’s less than 5 miles to the beach. Our house is very eco friendly, it has to be! We couldn’t afford to manage otherwise. The boys have school t shirts and shorts and one pair of shoes each because they only really wear shoes at school. They are outdoor boys. Their dad’s a farmer. It happens. It’s normal and the typical culture here to eat local and for kids to play outside and I’ve become accustomed to a quite simple lifestyle with minimal waste.

Your life sounds actually bloody lovely. And you sound like great fun! I keep picturing the darling buds of may when I read your updates for some reason, although you have ruined the image in my head somewhat by telling us you are thin.😊

I think most have missed what I think is a lighthearted thread about avoiding weddings. You don't sound judgemental and obviously don't want to offend anyone if you've gone to the trouble of dragging the caravan to the beach to avoid offense at saying no.

Your life and your feral free-range offspring sound great.

You could always use some farm related excuse, as most are in the summer? Oh no, we can't make it that day, we need to harvest that week/ the calves are due/. We're a bit behind because of all the holidays we took last year.
Or we've commited already to host a village festival thingy in the top field.

Trouble is many our first cousins who I’m very fond of and actually enjoy seeing when they visit us. It’s the whole process of the wedding that’s an issue, 4 boys to dress, travel, me with my food issues, it genuinely makes me ill. And I’ve become so accustomed to farmers wife life that I just don’t get or enjoy the expensive, stuffy, crowded environments. My local cousin actually travelled from where we live ( a beauty spot) over 200 miles so she could marry in a castle. There was no way we were going to do that. How many people would with small kids? Maybe some people are braver than me but also our vehicle is a farm truck, it’s all we have. It’s horrible for long distance driving not to mention the amount of diesel.

I'm surprised that so many people are judging you OP. People like different things - it's not wrong or right.

That's the exact point we're making!!!

You are well within your rights to decline wedding invites. Just politely say apologies cant make it and wish them well and enjoy the day . However though i do think its a bit rude to decline all family weddings. Do you decline every invite ? Do you not socialize at al ? If your kids are invited then other kids will be there, the get to paly with them ? Does your husband not want to go to these events , he probably enjoys going to these events and seeing people. Weddings christenings communions birthdays etc are all part of life and some people like celebrating them. I know two people who are like you, one was a husbands of a good friend he refused to go anywhere and when he did he would hide in the living room or hotel room ( he did this at her brothers wedding) or nag to go. HE came across so rude - they are now divorced this played a big part of it. The other is a wife of my husbands cousin, this cousin would have been like a brother to my husband, they grew up together close in age, ring each other and went on hols, was also best man at our wedding, she declines most invites and when she does come she hides or sits on her phone most of the time, At our wedding she hid in the room as soon as dinner was over, she not in any photos at all, We now don't bother inviting them to anything and my husbands is hurt as he has lost a good friend, Its annoying as when the rare time she comes she is nice. Even his own family don't bother inviting them to things now. She is well known as the rude one. So yes you are allowed to decline invites, but declining everything, i think is rude, sometimes you need to suck up and do things that befit other people including your family. You never know you might actually enjoy it