To lie my way out of the nightmare that is wedding season

[Supergluedisaster]

I despise weddings. Always have always will. I’m not a social person and I can’t eat in the company of strangers. I hate making small talk and I’m a diehard eco warrior so the compulsory purchasing of outfits and travel and all the crappy ( mostly thrown away) food really grates on me.
they’re always in the summer too, a waste of a day that could have been spent on the beach or in the forest or something with the kids and not boring them to death dressed like miniature accountants for the day.
DH and I could have afforded to do what we wanted for our wedding and we simply signed at the RO and went to the pub, 6 of us took about 3.5 hrs including eating and drinking at pub .Family were delighted we weren’t forcing them to participate in anything else.
anyway, we get about 4 invites a year. I decline nearly all of them ( cousins, friends etc) luckily siblings won’t do weddings either as they share my views so never expected to be important guests anyway. Every single time I say… sorry we’re on holiday. The extended family must think we’re away all summer ! What worries me is that when the kids are old enough to use social media or talk to the family independently they’re going to drop me in it. Also feels a bit awkward trying to avoid them long enough for them to not ask the kids how their holiday was … is there a more ethical and grown up way to avoid these things without offending people? Has anyone ever had the balls to just say ‘sorry not for us we hate weddings! But good luck hope it goes really well?’

You say something closer to the truth than your outright lies, but not so honest you'll offend.
"Thanks so much for inviting us. Hope you don't mind, we going to say no thank you, as its a bit difficult for us to attend, DC get restless and we're not the best of guests! Hope you have a lovely day though" Enclose card and small gift as required.

I hope if dh gets any wedding invites from his family and friends you at least acknowledge that he and the kids could choose to go without you.

Hahaha same!!

I’m going to practice this. I think it’s perfect because it comes across as being considerate and it’s also the truth! The kids truly are a handful in these situations and I also have my own issues around food etc which adds to the torment. It’s the truth, but it sounds okay I think. Thank you for this. You are wise.

'Ones at country houses and the like with classic cars and everyone dressed like they’re about to stand on the royal balcony to wave at the peasants. The food that’s served in tiny lukewarm portions in insipid watery plasma and the speeches that drone on. The old fashioned, showing off money and putting all the belligerent old farts you can’t stand within touching distance of you and letting them drink in the afternoon so they’re level 10 annoying…type weddings. Ones where I need to wear ...'

What an awful inverted snob you are! It's fine for you not to go but to deny your children the chance to mix with normal people is cruel. No wonder they are as you describe them - 'feral'.

If you feel that strongly and you're being interrogated about non attendance, I think you can be honest with these people. Might be awkward in the moment but better than driving somewhere to physically hide from them on the day, which isn't great for the environment either...

😆

I'm sure the people inviting you know you well enough to feel nothing but relief when you decline.

Of course! I haven’t had the house to myself for 8 years I’d love to get rid of them all for a day. But DH would say something like ‘ I get one and a half days a week off work to see my kids and wife and I intend to spend it that way’. He takes his boots off at Saturday lunchtime and doesn’t leave the house till Monday unless it’s fishing or swimming with the boys. We did go to his sisters wedding a couple years back but got a load of snide remarks about cutting the kids hair and me being too thin apparently - nice! , DS’s 1 & 2 went to the loo and came out having removed their shirts because they were hot and had been dipping their heads and faces in the basins ( both very long curly hair) so they looked an absolute fright too. I actually get on well with most people and am the sort of lass that will always help family. I’m just very stressed out by these types of things.

I have a phrase that I find apposite for such times.

"I'm sorry - I have something on that day". Alternatives can include: "I already have some plans"; "I'd love to come, but I have a prior commitment".

It's polite and communicates that you're busy and unable to attend, but its so non-specific you can't get caught in a lie. The thing you have on could be anything - lying in bed, sitting in the garden, listening to the radio, anything you want!

"I haven’t had the house to myself for 8 years I’d love to get rid of them all for a day. But DH would say something like ‘ I get one and a half days a week off work to see my kids and wife and I intend to spend it that way’."

Ugh, what a selfish pig. Get him told.

You could always go to a wedding g that's held in a venue where there are grounds. Your husband and children could enjoy themselves with the other guests whilst you go and hug some of the trees in the grounds and perhaps take a blanket that you've hand woven from the rags of old clothes and make yourself a a den amongst the trees.

As you won't be eating their food, don't forget to take along your home made nettle flavoured yoghurt and some honey from your beehive to dip some twigs in for a satisfying natural crunch. Oh and a bottle of your favourite home grown and brewed pear and marigold wine.

It's ironic that whilst you turn your nose up at people who you look down on that you are the one coming across as being pretentious.

I think we read OP's comment differently.

For me, this is her DH saying he is prioritising spending time with the family at weekends rather than being off gadding about. There are so many women on MN saying they rarely see their DH at the weekend, I think this is a bit of a refreshing change. An occasional fishing trip with the boys is fine, providing he has no issue with OP going off and doing whatever she wants with her friends on other weekends.

Absolutely no need to lie, especially with something like a holiday. Just tick no and if asked tell the truth- “I’m sorry but we’ll have to give it a mess. DC really struggle at these events and it makes it quite stressful and unenjoyable for everyone involved.”

Just make a polite excuse and quit with the outrage and moral superiority. They're weddings, not puppy kicking conventions. I'm surprised you get any invitations at all with that attitude but if you do, I'm sure everyone would rather you stayed away than bring it along and ruin their day fuming that they aren't exactly like you.

Sounds like this isn't about weddings, you just don't like people. And for a person who doesn't go to them wherever possible you seem to have a lot of experiences of weddings. If you don't want to go don't go, just say thanks but I can't. The invites fall off suddenly anyhow and from the vibes I'm getting someday you'll be lucky enough to never be invited to anything so it's a win win for you.

Why not just say you can't make it but hope they have a wonderful day? No need to lie

This is one of the most strange posts I’ve ever seen. If you don’t like weddings because the ‘food is rubbish’ and your precious kids are bored little accountants, then continue to reject the invites. What reassurances did you want here? Did you just want someone to tell you how unique and different you are for not wanting to go because it’s beneath you, and how fantastic of a mother you are for not subjecting your kids to that ‘ordeal’?

I imagine your friends are inviting you because they feel they have to anyway, because I can’t imagine anyone would actually want you at a wedding with your horrendous attitude. Especially since weddings now cost thousands and thousands of pounds and require months if not years of planning.

Your friends and cousins getting married are better off if you stay in your caravan 5 miles down the road!

Honestly as something of an eco warrior myself (don’t drive, walk or cycle everywhere, 30 years vegetarian, grow much of my own food, use refill shops, buy secondhand, limited family to one child etc etc), I think your eco excuses are a thin disguise for the fact that you simply don’t want to attend these weddings because you struggle socially, consider them too much effort, and (possibly) have disordered eating.

You are of course entirely within your rights not to attend them, and you’ve had lots of good suggestions for ways to refuse, but I think you should own it to yourself that, fundamentally, you just don’t want to go.

Geez you sound like a barrel of laughs.

What's with all the weddings? Sounds a bit odd.

Eco warrior 😂😂😂😂😂

Wait till you get older it'll just be funerals you're invited to. Do you feel the same way about those?

You don't owe anyone anything. If you don't like them simply don't go and out of politeness you could in a nice way explain why. Your true friends and family will understand! Especially because of how you did your own marriage. 4 weddings a year is excessive to be invited to

I hate them too OP. Such an outdated concept especially when people overspend on them for one day of awkward pompery. Mini accountants is spot on 😂 I appreciate others love them but it’s a big no from me.

This! How do you get so many invites when you sound so miserable!