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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to share a room with my boss?!

263 replies

NotASharer · 20/06/2023 15:33

Hello!

I realise this may sounds rather trivial but I'm really hacked off about it, I'm winding myself up and need to vent.

I'm going about 5 hours across the country in a few weeks to do a training course and this morning accommodation was booked, only to realise that they have booked myself (F28) and my boss (F38) a twin room! I asked prior to sending the request that I have my own room, thinking that they wouldn't even dream of making us share.

When the booking team sent the twin room back, I said, in a nice way: 'No offence, but I'd really rather have my own room and my own space!' and she emailed them back requesting that. Booking team replied and said no, we have to share as there aren't any rooms left apart from twins and because of the cost!

I've checked the website and there are plenty of rooms left so we wouldn't have to share. I've shared my thoughts with my boss and said I thought it was a bit ridiculous, they have never expected our male team members to share a room so why do we have to?

She looks fairly put out and a bit offended by how P'd off I am about it, which I just find totally bizarre and now I'm not sure how much I can push for my own room. She keeps saying 'oh it'll be fine!' which yes, I realise it's not the worst thing in the world.

I really like her as a person but I would REALLY rather not share a room with my boss for 3 days and spend every waking moment with her, she is a sleep in, get up 15 minutes before she needs to leave, throw some clothes on kind of person. Whereas I'm a get up at 5:30/6am, go for a walk/run and have a coffee in peace kind of person.

Can't even fart in peace 😂

I do have the option of speaking to the director about it tomorrow and telling him I feel uncomfortable about it but the twin room is booked now so not sure if it would be a massive hassle and I should just grin and bear it.

I'm absolutely dreading it. I adore my own space. I don't even sleepover at friends houses 😂I was quite looking forward to star fishing in the middle of a big double bed without DH's snoring for a few nights!

AIBU?!

YABU - Get over it!!!
YANBU - I would rather sleep in my car than share a room with my boss 😂

OP posts:
MargotBamborough · 20/06/2023 15:35

Yanbu. It's really not appropriate to make adults share a bedroom for a work event.

winelove · 20/06/2023 15:35

Totally unacceptable to share a room (I don't even share a room with my husband unless I need to)

unknownuser99 · 20/06/2023 15:37

No you aren’t being unreasonable! I would not like that either. Invasion of privacy.

Iheartmysmart · 20/06/2023 15:37

I wouldn’t go. My boss is also one of my oldest friends and I still wouldn’t share a room with her.

Crunchymum · 20/06/2023 15:38

Fuck that, I'd be seriously annoyed. I'd probably even book and pay for me own room if they didn't relent.

bibbityboppityboo · 20/06/2023 15:39

Not unreasonable at all!

The cost isn't your concern, your work should factor that in.

Send them an email showing availability of the rooms and stating you're unable to share a room with your boss (I mean power dynamics on its own would be a no from me!!) and if they can't adjust the booking you can't go?

edwinbear · 20/06/2023 15:40

I wouldn't go. I mean my boss is nice enough, good company etc but I like to keep my professional boundaries. They should have thought about the cost before they decided to send you on a course the other side of the country.

Ponderingwindow · 20/06/2023 15:41

This is a hill to die on situation for me. it is completely inappropriate.

Brefugee · 20/06/2023 15:42

I do not share a room. The one time my company tried that i just said well if you think X [colleague] should put up with the unpredictability of my IBS attacks, my lactose intolerance that creeps up even when I've taken all my drugs, my snoring and my penchant for reading from 2 until 4 am have at it.

And the HR lass, bless her, just looked at me with a blank face. So i said "in simple words: no." and they booked me a single.

For me, if you have to share with boss you are on duty the whole time. Work out your hourly rate for that, 50% during the 8 hours you will sleep, and tell them you'll be submitting that as expenses.

Lookingoutside · 20/06/2023 15:43

YANBU. They need to wise up.

FlounderingFruitcake · 20/06/2023 15:43

It’s completely inappropriate. If another couldn’t be booked then I wouldn’t go. End of.

OhComeOnFFS · 20/06/2023 15:46

No way would I share with my boss or with any colleague, come to that.

So are the men all in single occupancy rooms?

keyboardkat · 20/06/2023 15:47

Nope, not a chance.

Stick to your guns and as pp said, show them the rooms available. If they refuse, maybe offer to pay the difference in price, but you should NOT have to do that. Or be ill the day before with violent D+V.

Where I worked there was a set amount given for overnights + food, I could then choose my own hotel and often paid more for a nicer place than that being used by the work gang. I was with them all bloody day, the last thing I wanted was to socialise with any of them! It was frowned upon but I didn't care.

PuffedWheat · 20/06/2023 15:47

It’s a hard no from me too.

if I were in your shoes, I would double check that there are available rooms (you said you’d checked but I’m assuming that they may be showing as free as some hotels like to overbook). Then I’d raise it with my director by asking what cost constraints were in place for training and that, given the focus on costs, would it make sense for you to defer this training to a later date (if possible) as sharing a room is not a option.

alternatively, if you can book your own room and expense it later, that would be something I’d consider.

But a hard pass on sharing a room - I don’t even like sitting next to colleagues on flights …

Bromptotoo · 20/06/2023 15:48

No way would I share a room with any boss I've had in 44 years of work.

They either give you a single room there or, if it's really full, at another hotel in the same town.

CarlaH · 20/06/2023 15:49

In the last few years I have shared a twin room quite often. They now seem to consistently be two beds right next to each other with so separation to speak of.

Wouldn't want that if I didn't know the person I was sharing with intimately.

Aquamarine1029 · 20/06/2023 15:51

Today, absolutely, and completely inappropriate to expect an employee to share a room with a colleague.

As a pp said, this is a hill I would 100% die on. I would be going straight to HR and the director.

Janella · 20/06/2023 15:51

YANBU!

You're professionals not 12 year olds. I would not stand for this.

Denise82 · 20/06/2023 15:52

At least you know the person. At my work we were expected to share a room with a complete stranger from another store, when going for training days. I was once expected to share with someone I'd never even met from another store, it wasnt even a twin room, it was a double with one bed. when they hadn't arrived to the hotel by 9pm I rang reception to be told they had decided to stay with the 2 other colleagues from their store in their twin room. I found out the next day on the training course that the person I was meant to share with was 32 weeks pregnant.

YorkshirePuddingsGreatestFan · 20/06/2023 15:52

I was expected to share a room with someone I barely knew on a training course and that made me feel uncomfortable.

Got out of it with IBS as it is often worse first thing in the morning and I often do need an emergency toilet trip shortly after waking up.

I said it would be awkward if there was a colleague in the shower if I came bursting in, pebble dashed the toilet and left them to finish showering in my stench!

Roselilly36 · 20/06/2023 15:52

YANBU why companies think this is acceptable, total penny pinching, no way would I ever had shared a room with a colleague, I up in the night many times for the loo, how embarrassing. I would book another room and claim on expenses, surely your boss isn’t happy about the situation either?

Backtoreality1 · 20/06/2023 15:53

Absolutely not.....no way would I share with my boss. Own room at all events and conferences - no negotiation. No room of my own and I wouldn't be going.

SmudgeButt · 20/06/2023 15:53

If they only make women share rooms it's blatant sexism and they need to be told.

TomatoSandwiches · 20/06/2023 15:56

I'd rather visit Hades for the summer holidays than share a room with a coworker or boss.
If they don't back down I wouldn't go.

CluelessHamster · 20/06/2023 15:57

I dont understand their reasoning that there are no rooms left apart from twins - as if that makes it ok to make you share!

Most hotels only have a few single rooms and they are generally not much cheaper than double/twins anyway.

If two males would get a twin room each, then so should you!

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