Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to share a room with my boss?!

263 replies

NotASharer · 20/06/2023 15:33

Hello!

I realise this may sounds rather trivial but I'm really hacked off about it, I'm winding myself up and need to vent.

I'm going about 5 hours across the country in a few weeks to do a training course and this morning accommodation was booked, only to realise that they have booked myself (F28) and my boss (F38) a twin room! I asked prior to sending the request that I have my own room, thinking that they wouldn't even dream of making us share.

When the booking team sent the twin room back, I said, in a nice way: 'No offence, but I'd really rather have my own room and my own space!' and she emailed them back requesting that. Booking team replied and said no, we have to share as there aren't any rooms left apart from twins and because of the cost!

I've checked the website and there are plenty of rooms left so we wouldn't have to share. I've shared my thoughts with my boss and said I thought it was a bit ridiculous, they have never expected our male team members to share a room so why do we have to?

She looks fairly put out and a bit offended by how P'd off I am about it, which I just find totally bizarre and now I'm not sure how much I can push for my own room. She keeps saying 'oh it'll be fine!' which yes, I realise it's not the worst thing in the world.

I really like her as a person but I would REALLY rather not share a room with my boss for 3 days and spend every waking moment with her, she is a sleep in, get up 15 minutes before she needs to leave, throw some clothes on kind of person. Whereas I'm a get up at 5:30/6am, go for a walk/run and have a coffee in peace kind of person.

Can't even fart in peace 😂

I do have the option of speaking to the director about it tomorrow and telling him I feel uncomfortable about it but the twin room is booked now so not sure if it would be a massive hassle and I should just grin and bear it.

I'm absolutely dreading it. I adore my own space. I don't even sleepover at friends houses 😂I was quite looking forward to star fishing in the middle of a big double bed without DH's snoring for a few nights!

AIBU?!

YABU - Get over it!!!
YANBU - I would rather sleep in my car than share a room with my boss 😂

OP posts:
Notamum12345577 · 20/06/2023 16:50

If they insist, insist on not going. I had to do it when I was an apprentice and going on courses, that was fine we were all like 18 and guys, but I wouldn’t do it now!

SheerLucks · 20/06/2023 16:53

YANBU!! I'd be livid!!

Do you think there's a possibility that your boss actually asked if you could share, seeing as she lacks boundaries and treats you like a mate?

I really think you must sort this out.

Original poster
NotASharer · 20/06/2023 16:56

wutheringkites · 20/06/2023 16:46

Op, do you think there's a chance your boss has suggested/ approved the room share before you found out? If she lacks boundaries, she might have thought it was fine.

I've travelled a lot for work and have had a few instances of other women assuming we'd get a twin room. I have no idea why and I never did it.

If she seems offended, tell her you're a snorer.

Honestly, I really think this is it but felt a bit crazy sounding that out.

I'm genuinely wondering whether she even asked them for single rooms and I'm wondering whether that is why she looked so put out!

OP posts:
ChaToilLeam · 20/06/2023 16:57

This is so totally inappropriate, and though I like my boss immensely and get on with her well, I would not wish to share with her while on a work event.

We’ve occasionally had colleagues who are good friends elect to share a room, but the default is to have your own. And our company is not notoriously generous with expenses. Definitely put your foot down. You don’t need to hear a work colleague snoring, farting, talking in her sleep, or having an early morning shit, and vice versa.

changeyerheadworzel · 20/06/2023 16:57

God no OP, I am with you on this one.

Letsdance8188 · 20/06/2023 16:58

I've said YABU because we do a lot of travel where I work and everyone is expected to share twin rooms. It's completely normal and no-one has ever mentioned it being an issue. If given the option I'd rather not (and it's one of my reasons I try not to travel with work often) but it's just how it is.

Original poster
NotASharer · 20/06/2023 17:01

Letsdance8188 · 20/06/2023 16:58

I've said YABU because we do a lot of travel where I work and everyone is expected to share twin rooms. It's completely normal and no-one has ever mentioned it being an issue. If given the option I'd rather not (and it's one of my reasons I try not to travel with work often) but it's just how it is.

I understand that. To be honest, If it was at my last workplace, I don't think I would have made a fuss over it, I wouldn't have liked it but I'd known by colleagues for years. Whereas, I've only been with this company for 8 months so don't feel massively close to her! We also have a big training budget and this is the only training we'll be sent on for the year.

OP posts:
CarlaH · 20/06/2023 17:04

Letsdance8188 · 20/06/2023 16:58

I've said YABU because we do a lot of travel where I work and everyone is expected to share twin rooms. It's completely normal and no-one has ever mentioned it being an issue. If given the option I'd rather not (and it's one of my reasons I try not to travel with work often) but it's just how it is.

As I mentioned twin rooms now seem to consist of two single beds pushed together. You are OK with this?

ButterCrackers · 20/06/2023 17:05

As the men get their own rooms you should as well. Tell your boss that you have to be treated equally to the men going on the training course.

ItsNotRocketSalad · 20/06/2023 17:05

I'd absolutely die on this hill, particularly if men don't have to share. Fuck that.

Letsdance8188 · 20/06/2023 17:05

CarlaH · 20/06/2023 17:04

As I mentioned twin rooms now seem to consist of two single beds pushed together. You are OK with this?

Show quote history

The beds are always pushed up next to each other but it's always been possible to pull them apart.

Mosaic123 · 20/06/2023 17:06

And you could say for personal reasons I am unable to share a room.

Surely they won't ask for the reason.

Catlord · 20/06/2023 17:07

Push back hard on this, show the booking availability and make clear you don't find it appropriate or comfortable to have to share. Make clear it's nothing personal re your boss but you will be working hard on the course and require some space and privacy in the evenings.

barlie · 20/06/2023 17:07

No way would I ever do this. I stay away for work a lot and have done for different organisations. I've never been asked to do this.

MumblesParty · 20/06/2023 17:08

No way would I share a room. I wouldn't even suggest it was a problem to resolve. I would simply say to the director that I was not prepared to share a room for a variety of reasons, and I would like the financial go-ahead to book a separate room for myself.

JustRingJoeDuffy · 20/06/2023 17:09

No, that's completely unacceptable and I would decline to go if they didn't book a room for me. If they can't find one in that hotel, they can book another and you travel between by taxi.

I don't even share a room with friends when we're abroad on holidays. I was away for a weekend with my mum last Summer and we each had our own room. There is no way in hell I'd agree to share a room on a work-trip. Thankfully though, they would never ask me to, so that's easy for me to say.
If they are being insistent, and you feel awkward about refusing on the room basis, I'd decline on 'personal grounds' - which are none of their business.

BillyNoM8s · 20/06/2023 17:10

I wouldn't go if they didn't give me my own room. They're being ridiculous.

CarlaH · 20/06/2023 17:10

Letsdance8188 · 20/06/2023 17:05

The beds are always pushed up next to each other but it's always been possible to pull them apart.

Show quote history

Oh right I often find the bedside tables don't allow for that.

ThinWomansBrain · 20/06/2023 17:13

State you will not go unless you have your own room.

Many years ago (20+ years) I worked for an organisation that had a business centre - lecture rooms & single bedrooms - they had to close it down because no-one would rent rooms that didn't have their own bathroom. Having to share a bedroom is totally unacceptable

If your employer refuses, are there male colleagues going to the same event with their own rooms?
If so, threaten legal action for gender based constructive dismissal.

CheshireCat1 · 20/06/2023 17:15

I shared a room with another colleague on a work trip, no issues at all. I can understand your frustration that males are not expected to share though.

readbooksdrinktea · 20/06/2023 17:15

Ponderingwindow · 20/06/2023 15:41

This is a hill to die on situation for me. it is completely inappropriate.

Yes. I'd definitely push back.

Quiverer · 20/06/2023 17:17

If your company doesn't make men share, point out this is blatant sex discrimination.

towriteyoumustlive · 20/06/2023 17:18

YANBU!

I didn't realise staff had to share on school trips. I have insomnia and can only just tolerate my husband, so will NOT share. I would drive anyone else crazy in the room with my fidgeting, and getting up in the night when I can't sleep! I had to sleep in a dorm on one trip and was so glad I'd driven my own car there. By 2am I just couldn't sleep due to people snoring so took the duvet and slept in my TINY car!!

I'd tell them that due to chronic night time flatulence issues, you cannot share a room! Or maybe just say snoring, or insomnia, or bladder issues requiring multiple toilet trips etc...

CornishAdventures · 20/06/2023 17:22

A condition of going on any work trip, work related or social has always been having my own room. I’ve shared an apartment but still had my own room within this space

lillie23 · 20/06/2023 17:22

I would rather sleep outside in a tent than share a room with a colleague. That's so wrong they are expecting you to do that.