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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to share a room with my boss?!

263 replies

NotASharer · 20/06/2023 15:33

Hello!

I realise this may sounds rather trivial but I'm really hacked off about it, I'm winding myself up and need to vent.

I'm going about 5 hours across the country in a few weeks to do a training course and this morning accommodation was booked, only to realise that they have booked myself (F28) and my boss (F38) a twin room! I asked prior to sending the request that I have my own room, thinking that they wouldn't even dream of making us share.

When the booking team sent the twin room back, I said, in a nice way: 'No offence, but I'd really rather have my own room and my own space!' and she emailed them back requesting that. Booking team replied and said no, we have to share as there aren't any rooms left apart from twins and because of the cost!

I've checked the website and there are plenty of rooms left so we wouldn't have to share. I've shared my thoughts with my boss and said I thought it was a bit ridiculous, they have never expected our male team members to share a room so why do we have to?

She looks fairly put out and a bit offended by how P'd off I am about it, which I just find totally bizarre and now I'm not sure how much I can push for my own room. She keeps saying 'oh it'll be fine!' which yes, I realise it's not the worst thing in the world.

I really like her as a person but I would REALLY rather not share a room with my boss for 3 days and spend every waking moment with her, she is a sleep in, get up 15 minutes before she needs to leave, throw some clothes on kind of person. Whereas I'm a get up at 5:30/6am, go for a walk/run and have a coffee in peace kind of person.

Can't even fart in peace 😂

I do have the option of speaking to the director about it tomorrow and telling him I feel uncomfortable about it but the twin room is booked now so not sure if it would be a massive hassle and I should just grin and bear it.

I'm absolutely dreading it. I adore my own space. I don't even sleepover at friends houses 😂I was quite looking forward to star fishing in the middle of a big double bed without DH's snoring for a few nights!

AIBU?!

YABU - Get over it!!!
YANBU - I would rather sleep in my car than share a room with my boss 😂

OP posts:
Aprilx · 20/06/2023 18:08

I don’t even understand why you mentioned you wanted your own room when you sent the booking request. That would have been a given for me. I would not go on this trip, it is not appropriate.

keyboardkat · 20/06/2023 18:08

If you want/need a room of your own, the hotel can provide a double room for single occupancy. That's what I do when I travel, either alone or with friend/s. No way am I getting stuck in a single bed in a room looking down on the bins or a wall, or worse!

Single rooms are just a tad cheaper than a double for single use anyway. The excuse of no single rooms left is not enough. But even IF the hotel is fully booked, you can stay nearby, on your own. I would, and have done!

Tracker1234 · 20/06/2023 18:12

1145pm is nonsense. I think you need to speak to the dept that is making these daft decisions. I would be ultra nice and say do you really think getting back to a train station at 2345 is practical and would they want to do it?

I often found with my old penny pinching company that actually relating it back to what they would think of it if they had to do themselves works.

Also asking people to get back at what 0100 in the morning at home even if a taxi is agreed could reflect badly on them and the health and well being of their employees. That should do it!

Its funny that these sorts of initiatives from the bean counters in Finance whose seniors wouldn’t dream of doing anything like this! It’s not a good look for properly run companies.

Original poster
NotASharer · 20/06/2023 18:13

Aprilx · 20/06/2023 18:08

I don’t even understand why you mentioned you wanted your own room when you sent the booking request. That would have been a given for me. I would not go on this trip, it is not appropriate.

I did! I made it very clear as mentioned in previous comments and original post, I didn't want to share a room, I even said it's nothing personal I just really like my own space. But my boss did the booking for both of us so I wasn't included, then she said 'oh they've booked us a twin' and I made my feelings very clear which she then looked offended by. Hence why I now feel awkward about the whole thing

OP posts:
Original poster
NotASharer · 20/06/2023 18:16

Oh sorry @Aprilx I misread your comment! I mentioned it because my boss lacks professional boundaries so didn't want her to request a twin room... Which now is looking like she had done that anyway so my intuition was right 🤣

OP posts:
wutheringkites · 20/06/2023 18:16

Your boss sounds a little odd but if she did request a twin, why would the team that booked it double down and say they can't book another? Surely they could amend the booking?

Original poster
NotASharer · 20/06/2023 18:17

wutheringkites · 20/06/2023 18:16

Your boss sounds a little odd but if she did request a twin, why would the team that booked it double down and say they can't book another? Surely they could amend the booking?

Very true. Maybe I'm just being sceptical but I never actually saw the email trail for myself so she may very well be bullshitting which is her usual tactic 😂

OP posts:
CantFindTheBeat · 20/06/2023 18:19

OP,

No way. This is not acceptable one bit.

"I'm really sorry, but I need to request my own room. I'm not being awkward. I've never been able to share rooms with people outside of my family and I won't be able to now. If that's a problem, I'm happy to join the conference virtually or go another time".

Bayleaf25 · 20/06/2023 18:19

This would be a hard no from me! I would state snoring, menopause meaning sleepless nights therefore reading at unsocial hours, and unwillingness to not have any privacy for 3 days. I definitely wouldn’t agree to it.

pollykitty · 20/06/2023 18:20

That is insane. I have travelled all over the world with work including training courses and never been asked to share a hotel room. You couldn’t pay me enough. Frankly I’d consider booking my own room and paying myself.

Buildingthefuture · 20/06/2023 18:25

Absolutely not. I used to travel a lot with work and I would never, ever have accepted being expected to share with a colleague. I now have my own business and travel occasionally with some of my frankly fantastic staff. Infact, we’ve got a trip coming up next week. It’s expensive (£400+ per night per room) but I wouldn’t dream of asking them to share. My business, my responsibility. If I cannot provide them with proper accommodation I wouldn’t ask them to come.

HopelessEstateAgents · 20/06/2023 18:27

Good luck OP, this is a proper nightmare

Anniegetyourgun · 20/06/2023 18:30

For the longer term, it may sound drastic but I'd be starting to look around for another job. The company seems to be able to find a lavish budget for its senior employees, but the attitude to other staff sounds stingy to say the least. As for working for a boss you can't trust not to lie about the simple matter of a room booking, that could make things awkward in other situations as well. Sometimes it pays to be paranoid.

Deathraystare · 20/06/2023 18:34

Even worse where I was. A young very good looking guy joined our firm and the (male ) Boss made it clear he fancied him and when a conference came up he booked a room for them both! The young guy came to me clearly upset and said is this right?? I said of course not! We arranged for two separate rooms!

Iheartmysmart · 20/06/2023 18:36

The more you say about this the worse it gets. Those train times are totally unreasonable as well.

I used to book travel and accommodation for a team of 25 people and would regularly have arguments with the finance department over costs. My view is very much that if you expect employees to inconvenience themselves by being away from home then you have a responsibility to make sure they have decent accommodation and realistic travel arrangements.

Original poster
NotASharer · 20/06/2023 18:38

Deathraystare · 20/06/2023 18:34

Even worse where I was. A young very good looking guy joined our firm and the (male ) Boss made it clear he fancied him and when a conference came up he booked a room for them both! The young guy came to me clearly upset and said is this right?? I said of course not! We arranged for two separate rooms!

Oh my god, that's awful 🤣

OP posts:
EsmeSusanOgg · 20/06/2023 18:38

Oh god no. I am so restless when sleeping in an unfamiliar bed. I'd keep asking the other person up. Plus, I don't want to have to have full PJs (instead of small shorts and a vest top) which I'd feel obliged to wear if sharing a room.

FlounderingFruitcake · 20/06/2023 18:39

I’d want the next day off work (or day off in lieu if it’s Friday) if I was expected to get a train that doesn’t get into 11.45pm. Have they agreed to that?

TolkiensFallow · 20/06/2023 18:40

It’s definitely a hill I’d be willing to die on.

Original poster
NotASharer · 20/06/2023 18:42

Anniegetyourgun · 20/06/2023 18:30

For the longer term, it may sound drastic but I'd be starting to look around for another job. The company seems to be able to find a lavish budget for its senior employees, but the attitude to other staff sounds stingy to say the least. As for working for a boss you can't trust not to lie about the simple matter of a room booking, that could make things awkward in other situations as well. Sometimes it pays to be paranoid.

No, not dramatic at all. I completely agree, it's already a thought in my mind! And the boss relationship has already reared it's head in other situations. I sometimes reason and tell myself, at least my boss is not a complete battleaxe but she's so far the other end of the scale it's ridiculous. I'm not annoyed at her, she's a lovely person, if anything I feel like the company should put more effort and training into their managers before just throwing them into the role without any experience. Just because she is good at the job, doesn't mean she is good at managing people. Thank you for your advice, it's appreciated!

OP posts:
Jetband · 20/06/2023 18:42

YANBU!! Go to HR. Tell them that much as you like and appreciate your boss, it is unreasonable and unprofessional to expect adults to share a room. Furthermore, you have personal reasons that make it highly inappropriate for you to do so. If they dare ask you to elaborate, respond with horror at the impropriety of requesting personal medical information. Phrases like ‘seriously?’ and ‘major invasion of privacy’ may be useful here.
It’s totally unfair on your boss too. Good luck.

JaffaCake70 · 20/06/2023 18:43

I wouldn't go unless they get you a room of your own.

This is my idea of hell!!

Original poster
NotASharer · 20/06/2023 18:43

FlounderingFruitcake · 20/06/2023 18:39

I’d want the next day off work (or day off in lieu if it’s Friday) if I was expected to get a train that doesn’t get into 11.45pm. Have they agreed to that?

I did mention that and they haven't outright agreed but I'll have my work laptop with me, so I'm going to ask to WFH that day which they are pretty flexible about, so hopefully it will be okay.

OP posts:
Xmasbaby11 · 20/06/2023 18:45

In our workplace we'd be expected to share, or pay the extra for your own room. I think it just depends on your company policy. It cannot be different for men and women!

I don't think it's a problem that you have a different routine - you can still get up and go running - but I also wouldn't want to share just because I want my privacy from colleagues, especially a superior.

TheseThree · 20/06/2023 18:47

If they don’t require male colleagues to share, then they should not be requiring female colleagues to either. Regardless of views on colleagues sharing rooms, with or without power dynamics, policies apply to both men and women, or neither. If they have no actual policies (though they should), then the precedent they have already set holds.