AIBU to not want to share a room with my boss?!

[NotASharer]

Hello!

I realise this may sounds rather trivial but I'm really hacked off about it, I'm winding myself up and need to vent.

I'm going about 5 hours across the country in a few weeks to do a training course and this morning accommodation was booked, only to realise that they have booked myself (F28) and my boss (F38) a twin room! I asked prior to sending the request that I have my own room, thinking that they wouldn't even dream of making us share.

When the booking team sent the twin room back, I said, in a nice way: 'No offence, but I'd really rather have my own room and my own space!' and she emailed them back requesting that. Booking team replied and said no, we have to share as there aren't any rooms left apart from twins and because of the cost!

I've checked the website and there are plenty of rooms left so we wouldn't have to share. I've shared my thoughts with my boss and said I thought it was a bit ridiculous, they have never expected our male team members to share a room so why do we have to?

She looks fairly put out and a bit offended by how P'd off I am about it, which I just find totally bizarre and now I'm not sure how much I can push for my own room. She keeps saying 'oh it'll be fine!' which yes, I realise it's not the worst thing in the world.

I really like her as a person but I would REALLY rather not share a room with my boss for 3 days and spend every waking moment with her, she is a sleep in, get up 15 minutes before she needs to leave, throw some clothes on kind of person. Whereas I'm a get up at 5:30/6am, go for a walk/run and have a coffee in peace kind of person.

Can't even fart in peace 😂

I do have the option of speaking to the director about it tomorrow and telling him I feel uncomfortable about it but the twin room is booked now so not sure if it would be a massive hassle and I should just grin and bear it.

I'm absolutely dreading it. I adore my own space. I don't even sleepover at friends houses 😂I was quite looking forward to star fishing in the middle of a big double bed without DH's snoring for a few nights!

AIBU?!

YABU - Get over it!!!
YANBU - I would rather sleep in my car than share a room with my boss 😂

Only the two of us from our office but about 8 of us from all of our other offices dotted about the UK. They put on this specialist training specifically for us so don't feel like I can pull out.

Our team travel a lot though for various different reasons and I've NEVER heard of anyone sharing before. It's absolutely bonkers!

DON'T say you 'feel uncomfortable'

Say NO, I obviously won't share a bedroom. it's not professional or appropriate to share rooms with colleagues

I don't know of men who are asked this, why do we always bend over

YANBU, definitely not, my female boss is great too but no way would I share a room with her or expect her to share with me.

Thanks so much everyone. You've made me feel so much better about thinking it is weird and unacceptable. I'm a bit of a people pleaser and don't like rocking the boat in certain situations so I didn't really know if I was being dramatic or not. I wouldn't have minded and did say my piece but when my boss looked offended, I felt really awkward!

I'm going to have a chat with my director tomorrow if he is in the office and see what he says, he is usually very helpful and forthcoming so hoping for a positive outcome.

My boss lacks some professional boundaries and treats me like her mate most of the time, so I think she just thinks it will be fun 😳

This is very true, I need to grow a back bone 😂

Yanbu. No way would I share with another adult. They wouldn't want to have anything to do with my IBS for a start.

Exactly!!! I need to purchase some pyjamas for this trip if I don't get the room situation sorted. I'm a naked sleeper 😂

Back when I started working and team jollies were still a thing, we always had to share. I didn't really mind at the time, early 20s and we just gone with it but looking back not a chance, totally inappropriate.

When I go away with work now it is single occupancy as standard and if it wasn't I wouldn't go. I certainly wouldn't fund it myself as pp suggested.

If the company can't budget for single rooms then one person should go.

Sharing is not the norm for my company. But I do wonder if it's because I'm further down the food chain so to say.

A couple of months back I arranged and paid for a taxi to go three hours across the country to the tune of nearly £500 for one of the directors.

But they can't afford the extra £200 for us both to have our own space 🙄

It's absolutely ridiculous and all really awkward, because boss doesn't seem to mind whereas I do.

paid with the company credit card for the taxi might I add, definitely not out of my own pocket! 😅

Weirdly I don't think I would be fussed bunking up in a hostel with my colleagues for a hike or something, but if its a work trip that's completely different. It's usually long days on our feet for us and we all have families so evenings are spent video calling the kids, in my case while sitting on the bed surrounded by an M&S picnic.

I think there have been a handful of occasions where some of the lads have had to share a twin in the past, purely because the only hotel was otherwise fully booked. It's certainly not the norm.

Yup. Totally agree. I would not be sharing a room with anyone. I simply wouldn't go

I would just keep pushing. I would advise them you have checked and single rooms are available. I would also say you simply do not feel comfortable sharing and that unfortunately if you have to share you won’t be able to attend

If the men in the team think it’s ok to share then one of them can swap with you

If you feel the need to talk to your director tomorrow, start the conversation off by saying that you cannot share with your manager and you are looking for a way to resolve this situation amicably.

I'd even have the story about taking the taxi and it costing £500 for X person but the company isn't open to spending £200 to accommodate you on the training handy but I'd only use it if you really feel backed into a corner.

Show that there are X number of single rooms in this hotel (perhaps would you be able to phone the hotel under the guise of trying to book a room and ask if they have any single occupancy rooms available on the dates that you're due to attend the training) and have that handy to show to your director that what you're being told by HR is incorrect.

I wouldn't want to share with any of my colleagues at any level in the company! I like my privacy when I'm away for work and I'm fairly sure that my colleagues do too.

It’s inappropriate for a business to put colleagues in a bedroom together. It’s a work event, not a school trip. If the business can’t afford a room for each person attending the training then it can’t afford the training full stop.

sigh

why does everything has to be "sexism" for some people?

I would try contacting the hotel, explain they made a mistake booking 1 room for the pair of you, and ask them to change it to 2 rooms. The worst that can happen is they say no. Then you speak to your company booking dept. and tell them that you will not be sharing a room with a colleague.

Tell her you snore

This. They are treating you differently to male colleagues and I'd be pointing that out too.

My last employer was awful for this and even booked me in to share a twin room with a male who I’d never met before. It was an awful experience.

That said I do now sometimes share a room with a colleague but only because we get on extremely well.

Op, do you think there's a chance your boss has suggested/ approved the room share before you found out? If she lacks boundaries, she might have thought it was fine.

I've travelled a lot for work and have had a few instances of other women assuming we'd get a twin room. I have no idea why and I never did it.

If she seems offended, tell her you're a snorer.

Zero chance I'd share a room for a work event. I can't believe your manager / booking team think its okay.

Well the awkward thing is, she told me a few weeks ago (unrelated just in conversation) that she has episodes of sleep walking 😂FML

You know how Joey from Friends "doesn't share food"? 😂

I don't share rooms. No if, no but, no could, no should. It's completely inappropriate and unacceptable.

I would if I was in the military or the navy, but in a business environment? Just no.