AIBU to not want to share a room with my boss?!

[NotASharer]

Hello!

I realise this may sounds rather trivial but I'm really hacked off about it, I'm winding myself up and need to vent.

I'm going about 5 hours across the country in a few weeks to do a training course and this morning accommodation was booked, only to realise that they have booked myself (F28) and my boss (F38) a twin room! I asked prior to sending the request that I have my own room, thinking that they wouldn't even dream of making us share.

When the booking team sent the twin room back, I said, in a nice way: 'No offence, but I'd really rather have my own room and my own space!' and she emailed them back requesting that. Booking team replied and said no, we have to share as there aren't any rooms left apart from twins and because of the cost!

I've checked the website and there are plenty of rooms left so we wouldn't have to share. I've shared my thoughts with my boss and said I thought it was a bit ridiculous, they have never expected our male team members to share a room so why do we have to?

She looks fairly put out and a bit offended by how P'd off I am about it, which I just find totally bizarre and now I'm not sure how much I can push for my own room. She keeps saying 'oh it'll be fine!' which yes, I realise it's not the worst thing in the world.

I really like her as a person but I would REALLY rather not share a room with my boss for 3 days and spend every waking moment with her, she is a sleep in, get up 15 minutes before she needs to leave, throw some clothes on kind of person. Whereas I'm a get up at 5:30/6am, go for a walk/run and have a coffee in peace kind of person.

Can't even fart in peace 😂

I do have the option of speaking to the director about it tomorrow and telling him I feel uncomfortable about it but the twin room is booked now so not sure if it would be a massive hassle and I should just grin and bear it.

I'm absolutely dreading it. I adore my own space. I don't even sleepover at friends houses 😂I was quite looking forward to star fishing in the middle of a big double bed without DH's snoring for a few nights!

AIBU?!

YABU - Get over it!!!
YANBU - I would rather sleep in my car than share a room with my boss 😂

YANBU.

AskAManager has commented on this many times before.

Colleagues sharing rooms at all is something a for-profit business just should not do. It's common, rightly or wrongly, in non-profits and academia though.

But a manager and their report sharing? The power dynamic makes it hell no.

Channelling what AAM would probably say. (But really, you could just email that site.) You take the stance that obviously you need your own room to get a good night's sleep so you can give 100% during the training, and because you need some privacy thank you very much, so how is the company going to fix this mistake with the current booking.

She’s not that lovely a person if she knows you don’t want to share a bedroom with her, your boss, and she’s still willing to make you do so. Red flags left, right and centre.

What would you call the difference in treatment based on sex?
Coincidence?

And what part of what Smudge said indicates everything is about sexism?
And why are you putting sexism in quotes? Do you think it's not a real issue?

Saying the hotel only has twin rooms left is a nonsense excuse. Every time I have stayed in a hotel as a single traveller it has either been in a room with twin single beds or a double bed.

Just because it's a twin room it doesn't mean 2 people have to stay in it.

@NotASharer good luck with getting this sorted with your director today.

Phew, so I sent the message and director has agreed with me and is really surprised they even booked us together. He apologised that I'd been put in this situation and is going to arrange for both of us to have our own rooms today.

THANK GOD!

Thank you for the courage and advice lovely people of MN.

Now I can starfish the bed, walk around naked and fart in peace. 😂

YANBU. They wouldn't even have suggested it if your boss was male.

Delighted OP, thanks for the update 👍

Result! Hope it is never suggested with anyone else, perhaps worth warning any future new starters when they join.

Well done OP.

Calm assertiveness is a great skill.

The earlier in your life you learn it, the better.

Oh well done OP, hope your boss takes it ok.

I shared a room with my boss many times when I worked away.

If you want your own room offer to pay the difference.

Read the thread.

Plus why the fuck would she pay the different herself. Sharing is not the norm nor appropriate.

I used to work somewhere with branches around the country. They used to have a company-wide Christmas do in a hotel near head office, and were quite generous about booking rooms in the hotel for people who had to travel. They did however encourage people to share, and quite a lot of the junior staff were willing to do that.

I'm usually pretty accommodating, but that was one hill I was prepared to die on. I always made it clear that, for me, sharing was not an option and they were OK about that. But one year there'd been a cock-up with the bookings and the hotel had no record of me, so it was suggested I could share. I had to get quite stroppy about the fact that I was fully prepared to put myself on the next train home before the hotel and the company between them sorted it out.

Now THAT is a good director.
Great result. Well done, OP.

@NotASharer well done, that is excellent news.

I have often found directors more reasonable than middle managers when it comes to this sort of thing.

Decades ago I was visiting a site and was booked to stay in a hotel as befit my lowly status. A couple of directors were also visiting and asked me to join them for dinner. Both were shocked at the level of hotel I had been booked into and insisted my booking be changed to the hotel they were in.

Quite often there isn't even much if a cost saving using the low level hotels as they don't give much of a discount.

Totally inappropriate. No is a complete answer.

Hell NO

Glad it’s worked out. I have travelled for work for over 10 years, in multiple companies and have never heard of anyone having to share a room. I wouldn’t put up with that either so glad your director has seen sense

I wouldn't share a room with anyone other than my husband. My son had to go off to Germany on business and had to share a room with his boos, he was also very hacked off about that, didn't like the person so that made it worse. Moved on from that company a while back. Absolutely understand your point of view OP.

Glad it's been worked out OP.

Thanks so much everyone. You've made me feel so much better about thinking it is weird and unacceptable. I'm a bit of a people pleaser and don't like rocking the boat in certain situations so I didn't really know if I was being dramatic or not. I wouldn't have minded and did say my piece but when my boss looked offended, I felt really awkward!

I once actually paid £350 to go to a weekend conference (I was invited, but as the parent of a child with a particular rare medical condition) The speakers were
medical professionals and specialists in said condition. I thought I might learn something and it was worth the money to me at the time. So not even work stuff!

As soon as I checked in, they gave me the key to a twin room where there was another person's luggage beside one of the twin beds. I went to the organiser to ask what the fuck? And they said, yes, I had to share the twin room with another attendee. A complete stranger. I was totally blindsided. I did not want this.
I paid £350 to sleep 2 nights in a room with a complete stranger!?

Reader, I went through with it. I went to bed early both nights and pretended to be asleep, though was awake half the night. She stumbled in both nights, pissed, after taking advantage of the 1am bar. I don't blame her for that. She was likely as discombobulated as me, yet took different avoidance tactics.

I never saw her face. She never saw mine. I don't know if she was tall or short, fat or thin, blonde, dark, or redhead. Being the sober one I rose, brushed teeth and left the room. She was likely glad I did. It was like a delicate social dance, where we both innately knew this was not what we signed up for.

Having said that, I know some of my friends who'd have waltzed in pissed with a bottle of fizz and two glasses and shaken their room mate awake! And had that happened in this case, I would probably have responded positively!

I think it's to do with being introvert and extrovert. But still, I don't want to share a room, unexpectedly, with a complete stranger.

So you are not being unreasonable.

Oh, happy ending!!!!

You are not being unreasonable - tell them you IBS and need your own room!

RTFT - no need for OP to say that as it’s all been sorted

I agree that it's unacceptable to require you to share a room with your boss, OP. I am also reminded that for a lot of single people there is no alternative but to agree to share a twin room with a stranger. There's a woeful lack of accommodation designed for the single traveller/ guest.