Friends Baby Shower Nightmare

[Popcornlassie28]

Hey Everyone.
I am in a sticky situation and don’t want to come across as a mean person but don’t want to be walked over either.

My friend is currently pregnant with her third baby and asked me to help her Mum with organising her baby shower.
She gave me her Mum’s number to message her and her Mum stated she had organised most things but left me with some loose ends to organise (decorations, shower games, cake etc).

I found her quite unresponsive to messages and has been hard to organise with but ploughed on through. Anyways, she left all of my messages on read even ones that are asking simple questions such as ‘What time do we get the keys to the venue so we can start setting up?’

She told my friend she’s found me unhelpful (I’m so confused as I’ve been left on read on every message with zero communication) and doesn’t like what I have done so far and my friend has asked me if I could return some things and re order. It’s partly a surprise so she said she couldn’t go into detail about what it was as she ‘didn’t know.’

I sent a message to her Mum and was again met with nothing. Until today, in the WhatsApp group chat for the event she sent a message out saying that she’s organised everything by herself with NO help and to ‘bear with her’ but she’s proud of what she’s achieved by herself.

1. She hasn’t done it by herself and some of my money has gone into this? Why would she say this?
2. All other people invited thought I was helping so I feel like I don’t look like a good team player and left the task to her. This isn’t true but it’s being made to look like this.

I am really confused. I don’t want to message her Mum and upset her (she wouldn’t reply anyways) and I’m worried my friend will be upset with me.

I feel awkward to even attend!!
I don’t even know details to even help set up so I would now be turning up at the same time as the other guests and I’m worried there is going to be a situation.

EDIT: I’ve only met her Mum twice before and she’s been fine with me on both times.

Just speak directly to your friend and say "your mum hasn't responded to any of my messages. Can I ask you to check if she has received them?"

@MojoMoon Thank you so much for taking the time to reply, I appreciate it. I have said this to her and she said ‘Yes she has. She’s busy.’ I just feel awkward as hell😕

Why is she having a baby shower for a 3rd baby???? I like baby showers but that is grabby as hell.

I think I would have to respond and say something.
I’d likely post a screenshot of the messages too, but I do tend to act first then worry over what I’ve done later!

I'd have spoken to friend by now asking her to check if her mom had received the messages

Returning the items... maybe its a "surprise" but friend did know and wasn't keen so gently asked pretending she didn't know

How weird! Has she replied at all? I would screen shot all the messages she hasn’t replied to and send to your friend!

Screenshot the messages in to the group chat and say can you confirm you've received my messages I'm a bit concerned you haven't? You're then outing her and showing you've done all you can

Screenshot the messages and send them to your friend. You shouldn't possibly lose a friend over her Mum's 'control'

Why don't you actually call the mum instead of messaging her? Speak to her and ask why she hasn't been responding to your messages.

id guess it isnt a surprise at all and your friend is actually doing the planning.

can you return everything youve bought and just leave her mum to it. Tell the rest of the group youve tried to help repeatedly, but it seems the mother wants to do it all herself.

Wow. They are like a CF family. Taking your money and the credit.

She has only replied once to say what she wanted me to do (decorations etc) and then after that just read and never replied. It’s the most bizarre situation I have ever been in, in my life!!

I don’t want to start drama as it’s my friend’s Mum (😬) but I hand on heart have done all that I can. I just don’t understand why she definitely has got the messages, used my friend to communicate and then saying she’s had no help.

I have a feeling she never wanted me to help which is fine but just say ‘We are good thanks, will let you know etc…’

Sounds like the Mum doesn't actually want any help (although is happy to take your money!). I'd discreetly speak to a few other people in the WhatsApp group and 'ask for their advice' (i.e make sure they know the truth).

I'd be tempted to walk away from the whole thing. Who has a baby shower for the THIRD baby ffs?!!

@Hotcuppatea Doesn’t answer!!😕

Half your post says she ignored you and half said she gave you loose ends… so which is it?

Sounds like she was perfectly happy organising it and has quite set ideas about how to do it and was annoyed with her daughter for ever pushing you onto her. Doesn’t sound like she was asked. Then sounds like she took that irritation out on her daughter by saying you were unhelpful when what she meant was she didn’t need help.

I’d reply to the whole group, “Pregnant asked me to help you if you needed it, but I can see now why you didn’t ask for much - you’ve definitely got it all in hand 👏🏻 You know where I am if you need me for any last minute bits though. What time shall I meet you with the decorations and cake?”

Or just tell your friend her mum’s a rude cow and what gives?

This is strange. How long have you known your friend?

So your friend asked you to help organise a baby shower as a surprise for her? Wtf. Who gives a shit if you’re a “team player” or not at this point. It’s her 3rd kid, she’s at a point in her life she can organise her own baby shower, she definitely knows how it all works.

@drpet49 I have two children and didn’t have one for my first or second. I personally never wanted anyone to feel forced to come to an event and buy my baby anything if they didn’t want to/afford to. Each to their own as I know people like to celebrate but I was surprised when she said she was having one for her third baby x

@ChocolateCoveredCookie Thank you! X

Say you are ill and don't go. I couldn't be dealing with that sort of bullshit, also don't like baby showers.

@Testina She messaged me after I messaged her ONCE to say to do the loose ends (decorations etc) and then flat out zero messages/communication since.

@PaigeMatthews Agreed!

@KezzaMucklowe 6 years

Bit weird to have a shower for a 3rd baby- but nothing to do with you.

IF the mum hadn't replied to ANY of the texts, I'd think she was like my mum, who actually doesn't know how to text on her phone. The fact she replied to 1, makes me think that either she had help replying, or knows exactly how to text and just can't be bothered to reply. I'm unsure why you didn't just call her when she started not replying?

I agree with a poster above, about offering your help, but clearly she wanted to do it herself/has it in hand etc. I'd also make it clear to your friend what has gone on- including the costs incurred to you!

@HundredMilesAnHour Agreed!