Friends Baby Shower Nightmare

[Popcornlassie28]

Hey Everyone.
I am in a sticky situation and don’t want to come across as a mean person but don’t want to be walked over either.

My friend is currently pregnant with her third baby and asked me to help her Mum with organising her baby shower.
She gave me her Mum’s number to message her and her Mum stated she had organised most things but left me with some loose ends to organise (decorations, shower games, cake etc).

I found her quite unresponsive to messages and has been hard to organise with but ploughed on through. Anyways, she left all of my messages on read even ones that are asking simple questions such as ‘What time do we get the keys to the venue so we can start setting up?’

She told my friend she’s found me unhelpful (I’m so confused as I’ve been left on read on every message with zero communication) and doesn’t like what I have done so far and my friend has asked me if I could return some things and re order. It’s partly a surprise so she said she couldn’t go into detail about what it was as she ‘didn’t know.’

I sent a message to her Mum and was again met with nothing. Until today, in the WhatsApp group chat for the event she sent a message out saying that she’s organised everything by herself with NO help and to ‘bear with her’ but she’s proud of what she’s achieved by herself.

1. She hasn’t done it by herself and some of my money has gone into this? Why would she say this?
2. All other people invited thought I was helping so I feel like I don’t look like a good team player and left the task to her. This isn’t true but it’s being made to look like this.

I am really confused. I don’t want to message her Mum and upset her (she wouldn’t reply anyways) and I’m worried my friend will be upset with me.

I feel awkward to even attend!!
I don’t even know details to even help set up so I would now be turning up at the same time as the other guests and I’m worried there is going to be a situation.

EDIT: I’ve only met her Mum twice before and she’s been fine with me on both times.

I would be putting screenshots into the group chat with message saying “ah friends mum good to hear from you, I must have wrong number for you as I have been messaging about the party for weeks with no reply. Now what are we doing about decorations?”

Never mind that you have already had a reply so you know it’s the right number, this is about showing her up in front of the group in the same way she has done about you

I also agree with the suggestion to make your contributions known in the WhatsApp group chat! I’ve had to do stuff like that on a couple of occasions at work when someone has tried to overlook my work but so bizarre your friends mum is acting like that. If anything, my friends mums are all super nice to me and always go out of their way to thank me for showing up to their daughters/grandkids events.

Cake I got/made/ordered etc

Holy shit, CANCEL THE CAKE!!!! Or message the baker and please request that the cake be changed to a birthday cake for one of YOUR children, for you, your mum etc. MIL is a pro baker and if you messaged with enough time would happily alter the order design just not the size. So if cake is pink or blue give it to your kids! Eat it yourself!! Anything but give to these people who have been so fucking horrible to you.

Please please don’t give these assholes anything else OP! They have been outrageously rude!! Your friend did nothing when you had two children, so don’t feel bad. Does your friend even acknowledge your children or their birthdays? I bet not. And yet you got swindled I to paying for multiple decorations without a thanks.

BABY SHOWERS PAST THE FIRST BABY ARE WEIRD AND GRABBY.

Her mum sounds so rude, allowing you to pay for things then ignoring you/ taking the credit.

I agree send a message in the group chat along the lines of ‘hey just checking you’ve been getting my previous messages / I’ve got your number correct as I’ve organised cake and decorations etc. Just wondering what time we can set the room up from?’
She will be more likely to reply and everyone knows you’ve done your part.

I hate baby showers with every fibre of me being.

'Hey I am preggers. Come over, give me presents and fawn over me'

FUCK OFF!

I’m petty so I would call her out on the chat. Well I’m not petty but I won’t be made to look stupid,

You need to bombard the group Chat:

1. Screen shots of your unreplied messages. Saying you have done everything that was asked of you.
2. Pictures of the decorations stating you have paid for them and sent them to her.
3. Picture of cake saying you have paid for it and it's ready ...
4. Blah blah blah!

Wrong bloody colour decorations - ridiculous!

Couldn't you reply on the group and say

"Oh no Janet! I had wondered why you hadn't been replying, did you not see any of my messages? Anyway, I've got the cake, and the decorations, and the games etc. Did you manage to find out when we can access the premises or do you need me to?"

OP EAT THE CAKE YOURSELF! I feel personally invested in you not taking cake to these rude grabby fuckers.

This is great! Do that. Please.

Maybe just step down and ask the mother to organise it 🤷‍♀️

3rd baby and having a baby shower? Tell her to buy her own baby shit, no one really wants to go to a baby shower even when it's a first baby, second baby less so, 3rd absolutely no one cares apart from the parents and maybe grandparents 🤣. Surprised you've found enough people willing to attend.

Screenshot your conversations with the mum and send them your mate. Correct the mum in the group chats. I just wouldn't tolerate this shit.

Ugggh….baby showers, ‘gender’ reveals, complicated expensive hen dos…can all get in the bin.

just tell your friend what happened.

So true!! I dread the first ones, and wouldn’t attend for other pregnancies sorry! I’d only attend an extremely close friends first shower and be itching to leave. I find them so performative and boring! I buy my close friends gifts for their babies, I don’t need to go to an all day event for it too.

Just send a screenshot and ask her nicely if she’s received your texts as you are a bit concerned she’s changed her number or something. Kill her with kindness.

Exactly what I was thinking. All this trouble - decorations, games, two people organising it. Insane! I would never have a baby shower but if I did I'd have a couple of mates round for a cup of tea and slice of cake.

@Tophy124 I am going to call the bakery tomorrow to find out what the options are just because…well…it’s sensible to know!😆 I am going to message my friend and also in the group chat and depending on how that goes depends on if we be cancelling a cake, eating a cake or if they apologise etc they can have it but I will taking a HUGE step back after this even if they do apologise. I’m not happy at all, I feel taken advantage of.

My friend hasn’t had my back in this and even when I voiced it at the same time of the decorations it was ‘oh she’s busy’ and was insinuated her time was more precious than mine.🤷‍♀️

Keep the balloons and the cake and have a party for you and your kids. Ditch the grabby cheeky fuckers.

I’m convinced all this shite is to do with social media and influencer culture and trying to show off all the time.

I’m having a high risk pregnancy right now and wouldn’t even think of having a baby shower as we are so worried about losing the baby. A party just isn’t important to us and begging for stuff of people is gross.

I think you will have had a narrow escape if you run for the hills. Don’t go to the baby shower, return anything you can, eat the cake.

If you offend her then you have good reason never to see the grabby woman or her awful mother ever again. BONUS.

If you do go then take a secret weapon. Pom beat anyone ??!

God why would you even bother or worse, put your own money into it? It sounds as chavvy and tacky AF. Just say you tried your best but the mum clearly wants to do it her way and you respectfully step back. I thought these baby showers were passé now? Do grown women honestly still do this infantile nonsense?

A baby shower for a third baby is ridiculous. I wouldn’t do anything! They asked you to help, you tried, you’ve got proof you tried. Just leave it. It’s all a bit silly this fuss for a mother of three. Turn up on the day, say to the Mum ‘It all looks great Jane! Well done, none of my messages were read by you, so must have had the wrong number! Shame! And if your CF mate asks you to organise the 4th baby shower, I would politely decline.

@Popcornlassie28 Im begging you to keep the cake for you and your kids!! Imagine how excited they would be!! (Yes I’m gonna guilt you haha, but seriously, your hard earned cash should go on lovely things for you and your family not this ungrateful family).

The baker may even be willing to change the order for a birthday cake!

They don’t deserve any of your kindness and you’ve already done decor. If cheeky cow and her mother want to take all the credit, let them source a bloody expensive cake as I know they aren’t cheap either.

sorry this friend is being shit OP, but now you know to distance yourself!

Thank you to everyone for their replies. I am so grateful as I thought I was the one being unreasonable and I know some threads are juiced up for drama but this honestly isn’t! I have tried everything and been patient.

I wanted to know if I was unreasonable for confronting this. I was worried it would be petty and that I should let it go without saying anything.
Thank you for giving me the support needed to not feel at all awkward about confronting this! Xx