Friends Baby Shower Nightmare

[Popcornlassie28]

Hey Everyone.
I am in a sticky situation and don’t want to come across as a mean person but don’t want to be walked over either.

My friend is currently pregnant with her third baby and asked me to help her Mum with organising her baby shower.
She gave me her Mum’s number to message her and her Mum stated she had organised most things but left me with some loose ends to organise (decorations, shower games, cake etc).

I found her quite unresponsive to messages and has been hard to organise with but ploughed on through. Anyways, she left all of my messages on read even ones that are asking simple questions such as ‘What time do we get the keys to the venue so we can start setting up?’

She told my friend she’s found me unhelpful (I’m so confused as I’ve been left on read on every message with zero communication) and doesn’t like what I have done so far and my friend has asked me if I could return some things and re order. It’s partly a surprise so she said she couldn’t go into detail about what it was as she ‘didn’t know.’

I sent a message to her Mum and was again met with nothing. Until today, in the WhatsApp group chat for the event she sent a message out saying that she’s organised everything by herself with NO help and to ‘bear with her’ but she’s proud of what she’s achieved by herself.

1. She hasn’t done it by herself and some of my money has gone into this? Why would she say this?
2. All other people invited thought I was helping so I feel like I don’t look like a good team player and left the task to her. This isn’t true but it’s being made to look like this.

I am really confused. I don’t want to message her Mum and upset her (she wouldn’t reply anyways) and I’m worried my friend will be upset with me.

I feel awkward to even attend!!
I don’t even know details to even help set up so I would now be turning up at the same time as the other guests and I’m worried there is going to be a situation.

EDIT: I’ve only met her Mum twice before and she’s been fine with me on both times.

Omg yes!!!!!!!

please say this op and let us know what she says 😂

They sound very grabby. I hate baby showers- yet another American custom. I never go and never had any when I had our DC. I buy good friends a baby present when the baby is born. It's like hen parties, huge weddings, engagement parties- all overdone, money-wasting dramas .

Present list for guests to follow? How grabby is that!
No one I know expects anything more than a small gift such as bootees after baby arrives. Only family usually give larger things.
This is madness.

They are both absolute CF and kindly meant but they have united to makea huge mug out of you.

A third shower?
How absolutely tacky.

You have been too patient and kind.

I would be cancelling that cake and I simply wouldn't turn up.

We teach people how to treat us and you have allowed both of them to treat you very poorly.

At least you seem to realise it.

She's no friend just another CF user.

selfishly I REALLY want to see this present list!! And see what on earth is on it?!

I want to see the list too!

I can’t imagine having a baby shower anyway, but DEFINITELY not for a third baby. She sounds incredibly grabby.

Pick up the phone. Are you confident she knows you're messaging her. I hardly use WhatsApp. If someone randomly messages me I might not see I for days/weeks.

@Tophy124 and @user1477391263

It’s split into sections.

Nursery
Feeding
Outside the House
Clothing
Bathtime
Well-being

It’s got all items on there as I think (don’t quote me) they like each child to have new items. It seems this way.

You need to dump these rude, grabby users & seek better friends.

That list is outrageous and is they want to be that wasteful and spend so much money then they shouldn’t be asking for handouts from others. Why hasn’t she paid for her own bloody cake?! This is so entitled cheeky fucker behaviour from them. You sound really lovely OP and I’m sorry they’ve tried to take advantage!

Screenshot all the messages she ignored and share it to the group. Don’t let her walk all over you!

Seems unnecessarily dramatic. I wouldn’t give the woman any ammunition. I’d just let the mother do the organising and quietly drop these people after the ridiculous pantomime is over. I wouldn’t want someone like this apparent friend in my life.

I actually think it’s a lovely thing to take time to be with the mother to be before she has a baby. I really enjoyed being around family and friends, as it happens so rarely. It’s nice to celebrate/acknowledge when good things happen in life. I also asked people not to bring presents to mine.

But these hugely performative and OTT events with a gift list(!) are just ridiculous. Especially for baby number 3. I think you’ve seen the true colours of these people. It’s all too much.

If do as the other poster suggested,

Oh no that means we have double up. If you don't need my decorations etc then I'll come and collect them, use them for my cousin, (get them back in the post for refund), no need for two cakes I'll see if I can donate mine too the food bank- I'm sure someone will appreciate a celebration cake

Serious CFers, does your friend think your not busy two kids, and probably a job to juggle.

I can’t wait to see an update. These women are so cheeky and grabby.

If you can get your money back I'd cancel them.

Do this.

Both your frenemy and her mother are mean bitches and you should drop them posthaste. Do not message them, do not call them, do not attend the shower, do not beg them to acknowledge your existence, you’ve tried that a gazillion times already. Block them on everything. Do not speak of them to mutual friends no matter how much they pry because she will send a minion to you to dig for more ammunition. Go radio silence.

She is not your friend. She is the total opposite. Who knows why, you will never find out because they’ve been ignoring you and lying about you to the other attendees. They’re probably doing it for sport so that they get everyone to gang up on you for “not doing anything and leaving poor mother with all the work, thank you so much for bearing with my hero mom!! She’s so amazing”.

Never ever be friends with a manipulative bitch again.

Or just tell your friend her mum’s a rude cow and what gives?

I would be tempted to do this, because my tolerance for grabby, cheeky f is extremely limited. You’d probably be burning the barn down friendship-wise though.

I would message the Mom that you are no longer able to assist with the shower and am happy to see that she has it all in hand without you.

I would post in the group chat in response to her saying she has done it all “I’m sorry x’s mum There has obviously been some confusion about the party planning and as you obv did not receive my messages 😉and have everything in hand I have cancelled the cake and decorations I thought I was supposed to arrange. Looking forward to celebrating and seeing all tour hard work! “.
see what response that elicits! They sound rude, grabby and entitled so probably bot much of a loss as friendships go if it comes to it!

Yes! Do this!

I'm gobsmacked by all this..
Why do they need new things for 3rd baby? Are they just replacing what they already have? I cannot get my head around this.

Pls tell us what's on the list. The 'well being' section is particularly intriguing me. Friend sounds like a total moron just for having the event to be honest.

Exactly this. I wouldn't stand for any nonsense and she needs to be called out for it.

I’m really confused about this baby shower thing. Why does the OP have to pay for the decorations and cake? Does she also have to buy a present? Do you buy a present when the baby is born?

We’ve (DH, AC and I) been invited to a baby shower bbq 6 weeks before the baby is due. We’ve been sent a gift list with some pretty expensive items on it. Are we expected to buy two gifts, one before and one after? And, god forbid, what happens to the gifts if the unimaginable happens?

Oooooh... I would DEFINITELY be saying something in the group chat... if you haven't already..

'Oh! So good to hear from you Sandra, I've been messaging you about the bits I've been trying to sort, you know, the cake, the games, the decorations but you haven't replied, I assumed there was some sort of problem though the messages appear 'read' but you know what technology is like haha...

So you've sorted the venue and gift list, great... '

Makes it fucking clear you've actually done most of it.

Then cancel the cake, reorder the decorations in shit brown or puke orange, in the shape of comedy willies and do something else that day!