Friends Baby Shower Nightmare

[Popcornlassie28]

Hey Everyone.
I am in a sticky situation and don’t want to come across as a mean person but don’t want to be walked over either.

My friend is currently pregnant with her third baby and asked me to help her Mum with organising her baby shower.
She gave me her Mum’s number to message her and her Mum stated she had organised most things but left me with some loose ends to organise (decorations, shower games, cake etc).

I found her quite unresponsive to messages and has been hard to organise with but ploughed on through. Anyways, she left all of my messages on read even ones that are asking simple questions such as ‘What time do we get the keys to the venue so we can start setting up?’

She told my friend she’s found me unhelpful (I’m so confused as I’ve been left on read on every message with zero communication) and doesn’t like what I have done so far and my friend has asked me if I could return some things and re order. It’s partly a surprise so she said she couldn’t go into detail about what it was as she ‘didn’t know.’

I sent a message to her Mum and was again met with nothing. Until today, in the WhatsApp group chat for the event she sent a message out saying that she’s organised everything by herself with NO help and to ‘bear with her’ but she’s proud of what she’s achieved by herself.

1. She hasn’t done it by herself and some of my money has gone into this? Why would she say this?
2. All other people invited thought I was helping so I feel like I don’t look like a good team player and left the task to her. This isn’t true but it’s being made to look like this.

I am really confused. I don’t want to message her Mum and upset her (she wouldn’t reply anyways) and I’m worried my friend will be upset with me.

I feel awkward to even attend!!
I don’t even know details to even help set up so I would now be turning up at the same time as the other guests and I’m worried there is going to be a situation.

EDIT: I’ve only met her Mum twice before and she’s been fine with me on both times.

Who the f has a baby shower for a third child! Greedy entitled bitch, I can’t stand women who have them full stop but for a third! Get rid immediately

Yep, baby shower for 3rd is truly awful.

I’d be coming down sick.

100% this! Maybe the mum isn't seeing the updates or maybe she is, but who gives a shit. Point is, you give your time and money and they treat you like this.

Just send a screenshot, say look, your DM just never replies to my WhatsApps, which is a shame as I spent some money and time on trying to help, so what can I do! Best see you at the baby shower.

Your friend sounds bloody grabby for a third, and pushy in getting you to arrange it as well btw!

Her mum feels put out that you’ve been asked to help as she wanted all the credit for being such a hero and organising it all with no help 🤣

Seriously, who has time for this sort of behaviour? Just give up trying and explain to your friend that you’ve tried but her mum doesn’t want your help. Send her the proof of messages you sent to her mum and move on with your life.

send the screen shots of the read messages to the WhatsApp group. Baby showers are ridiculous especially when it’s not even your first baby. This woman sounds horrible and your friends need to see the truth

I would also. Why worry about it upsetting your friend? She knows her mums been ignoring you and you've organised everything pretty much, and she's allowing her mum to do it and take credit.

I would screenshot messages into the group chat, it's so odd the mum behaving like that. My guess is she wanted to do it all herself, and didn't appreciate friend asking you to assist.

Why not have rung her instead?

Definitely screen shot and add to the group.
Hi x mom , glad you have finally made contact I was thinking you had problems with your phone. Anyway now your fixed please can you reply to my messages, I've attached them all , maybe best you reply on the group as I've had no response to my personal number.
Looking forward to the shower .

YANBU,

Baby shower for a third baby?!!

Is she a real friend. Why haven't you popped over shown her the messages and told her you're really hurt?

I know it's been said in lots of replies but you have to put something on the group chat (as pass agg as you feel you can be, IMO) so everyone sees you've done your bit. I agree with PP about cancelling the cake (or telling the mum you have!)
I also wouldn't go to the shower at all. I doubt it will be a fun experience (I'm yet to enjoy a baby shower!! Tedious events!!) and they just signed super entitled and grabby!!

Who has a baby shower for a third baby?

OP, how much money have you spent? I wonder if they have taken advantage of your generosity just to make you pay for some things, but her mum gets all the credit for organising?

Also, surely organising the baby shower doesn’t mean you pay for things? I would be asking friend to transfer cash before handing anything over.

I'd also make it clear to your friend what has gone on- including the costs incurred to you!

Absolutely this!

If her mother didn't want help, as you rightly said all she needed to do was say "Thanks @Popcornlassie28 - lovely of you to offer but it's all in hand" and then you know where you are and aren't wasting time, energy, effort and money.

I don't envy you this situation. However it works out it's going to be uncomfortable, but although you can't get your rime back, you shouldn't be at a financial loss.

Gobsmacked at the baby shower for a 3rd baby and this whole performance. Shockingly entitled from your friend.

Oh - and if you can't cancel the cake for a refund, eat it yourself!

Or send a receipt for all out-of-pocket expenses, and your bank details, and tell her you need the cash now, please or the cake gets it.

This. Also send them to your friend so it’s clear for all to see. Bring something lovely like a huge nappy cake to the baby shower and attend with big smile. Her mum is obvs jealous or wanted to organise it all herself!! X

They’re grabby even for a first baby. OP if you feel uncomfortable just don’t attend . Please don’t feel obliged to pander to this woman who is clearly using your good will. Stand up for yourself.

I’d reply to the whole group, “Pregnant asked me to help you if you needed it, but I can see now why you didn’t ask for much - you’ve definitely got it all in hand 👏🏻

I'd use this, from Testina, but blunter: 'Pregnant asked me to help you, but I can see now why you ignored my calls and texts - you’ve definitely got it all in hand 👏🏻'.

If your friend ever asks you to be a bridesmaid, run far, far away!

Perfect

Maybe say "ah right you've got the cake sorted - I'll cancel the one you asked me to get then"

Baby showers apart from 1st baby is selfish. But not your fault. I wouldn’t go. Sounds like it will be awkward.

Yes I like the 'oh no we've doubled up!' message. You stick up for yourself, and give yourself and her an out. What a shit show.

I would be tempted to put a comment on the WhatsApp group and say ‘I’ve been messaging you re this party, but I’m wondering if you’ve changed your number as I’ve not heard back from you at all. I would like to check you’ve received the items I’ve already ordered, as again, I’ve not had confirmation. Thanks so much’