Friends Baby Shower Nightmare

[Popcornlassie28]

Hey Everyone.
I am in a sticky situation and don’t want to come across as a mean person but don’t want to be walked over either.

My friend is currently pregnant with her third baby and asked me to help her Mum with organising her baby shower.
She gave me her Mum’s number to message her and her Mum stated she had organised most things but left me with some loose ends to organise (decorations, shower games, cake etc).

I found her quite unresponsive to messages and has been hard to organise with but ploughed on through. Anyways, she left all of my messages on read even ones that are asking simple questions such as ‘What time do we get the keys to the venue so we can start setting up?’

She told my friend she’s found me unhelpful (I’m so confused as I’ve been left on read on every message with zero communication) and doesn’t like what I have done so far and my friend has asked me if I could return some things and re order. It’s partly a surprise so she said she couldn’t go into detail about what it was as she ‘didn’t know.’

I sent a message to her Mum and was again met with nothing. Until today, in the WhatsApp group chat for the event she sent a message out saying that she’s organised everything by herself with NO help and to ‘bear with her’ but she’s proud of what she’s achieved by herself.

1. She hasn’t done it by herself and some of my money has gone into this? Why would she say this?
2. All other people invited thought I was helping so I feel like I don’t look like a good team player and left the task to her. This isn’t true but it’s being made to look like this.

I am really confused. I don’t want to message her Mum and upset her (she wouldn’t reply anyways) and I’m worried my friend will be upset with me.

I feel awkward to even attend!!
I don’t even know details to even help set up so I would now be turning up at the same time as the other guests and I’m worried there is going to be a situation.

EDIT: I’ve only met her Mum twice before and she’s been fine with me on both times.

So when your friend said she found you unhelpful, surely you told your friend that her mum was ignoring you and asked her why she’d say that?

Seriously, message the full group and say, “I’ve got the decorations and cakes and games - what time do you want me to drop them off for you to set up?”

I enjoy baby showers and close people in my life chose to throw me one for my first, which I was very grateful for. I wouldn’t have dreamed of asking a friend to organise one for me, especially for a third child! Bizarrely entitled and such an awkward position to put you in. I think you need to be honest with your friend.

Thank you!

@thaisweetchill Thank you!

Ask the mum on the group chat if she’s received your texts/missed calls as you are concerned that you have the wrong number.
Say that you have organised the parts delegated to you and that you have some questions that you need to talk to her privately about. Give your number and ask her to contact you (Obviously you know that she is getting your messages and has your number !).

Nobody else will be over thinking whether you look a team player. They haven’t done anything either.

@GG1986 It’s tempting, they would probably know I’m not sick though🙃 I also want to go to see the decorations and cake I’ve paid for!

So odd

I think I would need to tell the friend she is not replying to messages and then making comments to the group about how she is doing everything!

@Testina Thanks for your advice. I appreciate it. I will just do what you have said and type in the group WhatsApp chat. She won’t like it but it’s direct communication and others can then see what’s going on. X

I thought you had them!
So you can see them already.
And enjoy the cake all to yourself!!!! 👍🏻

I have a friend who has had a baby shower and a gender reveal for all 3 of her pregnancies.

After the first I made my excuses and didn't go.
It's so self indulgent.

She's currently pregnant with the third and the gender reveal has already happened. The baby shower is being planned at the moment. She keeps saying things like "oh seeing as this is definitely our last baby we thought we would go all out" (baby 2 was also the last baby).

OP, why are you even bothering with these people anymore?
The mum has been incredibly rude for no reason, you're friend is defending her by saying she's "busy". She should have said something like "oh sorry, mum's probably just busy but let me check with her/give her a nudge". Also friend wanting you to return stuff she doesn't know about.. course she does and if she's that particular she should organise her own baby shower. If I were you I'd drop both mum and friend (unless friend I'd a really good/close friend) and never return to that chat or engage with anything further. Don't order any other things, return all you've got and get your money back.

Could you message the group chat something like “Hi Friends Mum, looking forward to the baby shower. I’ve got the decorations here ready to go. What time do we have access to the venue & I can pop down early to set up? Will bring the cake and baby shower games too.”

And that way the people on the chat will know you have been involved.

This sounds insane!

I don't blame you for not knowing what to do @Popcornlassie28

I wouldn't go to the baby shower and ask them to return the money you have spent. Cfs.,

@Testina Cake is being delivered to me next week, decorations are currently at my friends Mum’s house. When I was asked to return them and get a different colour, my friend asked for them to be sent there as if they were wrong she needs to see immediately. All communicated via my friend ‘She said the colour was wrong. Please send them to her’🤷‍♀️

She knew the colour was wrong through reading the message (never replying or saying anything was wrong). It’s bloody confusing. She has the information and used someone else to communicate🙄

I couldn’t be asked to get into whether it’s baby pink or pale baby pink so thought it’s off my plate then.

Could enjoy the cake to myself though but I’ve never been that cut throat in my life!😅

I would never attend a baby shower for many personal reasons.

But that being said, you are in this really deep and you need to defend yourself to the group. Definitely respond along the lines that PP have suggested. "I am wondering if you have the right number for me as you haven't responded to any of my posts over the last couple of months..."

I couldn’t let that lie, it’s so cheeky of her. I would have to put a message in the group saying you hope the cake you’ve bought is ok, and when would they like the decorations you’ve organised to be set up. If your friend’s mum pushes back post a screenshot of the unanswered messages saying something like the messages have been seen but not answered. Obviously you will be able to see if it’s the same number as she has on the WhatsApp chat.

The mother-to-be sounds a CF. She is pretty much organising her own ‘surprise’ baby shower.

Well, a baby shower for DC3 was the first warning sign here, really.

@Testina's post for the group chat is perfect.

Your friend and her mum are both rude dicks.

OP, please take a deep breath and a HUGE step back from this. Not your monkeys, not your circus. I’d message your friend and say you’ve tried to be as helpful and generous with your time and money as possible, but that it’s been difficult to organize with her mum via the phone, and as her mum has let the group know she’s got it all in hand that you’re looking forwards to attending and will see her there. Buy a small gift if you feel obliged to get anything! And take a huge step back off this cheeky grifter and her rude mum. if she gives you any shit I wouldn’t even bother attending!

Me too. And to any mutual friends (I'd be tempted to send it to the group chat but wouldn't!) what a weird lady. She's obviously got a screw loose though I wouldn't lose any sleep over it and don't ever agree to do anything with her again

Some people are so up themselves!! I can't stand the whole 'gender reveal'/'baby shower' crap!! I think it's all nuts. You should have just let her organise it herself. Don't get suckered in again.

Screen shot the messages and send them to your friend asking if there's a problem you saw her mom says she's had no help...

Poor you. I would politely decline any baby shower. Even the name makes my heckles rise !!

You could just post

Lol you forgot the cake, it looks ace, x will love it. Looking forward to seeing you all