Friends Baby Shower Nightmare

[Popcornlassie28]

Hey Everyone.
I am in a sticky situation and don’t want to come across as a mean person but don’t want to be walked over either.

My friend is currently pregnant with her third baby and asked me to help her Mum with organising her baby shower.
She gave me her Mum’s number to message her and her Mum stated she had organised most things but left me with some loose ends to organise (decorations, shower games, cake etc).

I found her quite unresponsive to messages and has been hard to organise with but ploughed on through. Anyways, she left all of my messages on read even ones that are asking simple questions such as ‘What time do we get the keys to the venue so we can start setting up?’

She told my friend she’s found me unhelpful (I’m so confused as I’ve been left on read on every message with zero communication) and doesn’t like what I have done so far and my friend has asked me if I could return some things and re order. It’s partly a surprise so she said she couldn’t go into detail about what it was as she ‘didn’t know.’

I sent a message to her Mum and was again met with nothing. Until today, in the WhatsApp group chat for the event she sent a message out saying that she’s organised everything by herself with NO help and to ‘bear with her’ but she’s proud of what she’s achieved by herself.

1. She hasn’t done it by herself and some of my money has gone into this? Why would she say this?
2. All other people invited thought I was helping so I feel like I don’t look like a good team player and left the task to her. This isn’t true but it’s being made to look like this.

I am really confused. I don’t want to message her Mum and upset her (she wouldn’t reply anyways) and I’m worried my friend will be upset with me.

I feel awkward to even attend!!
I don’t even know details to even help set up so I would now be turning up at the same time as the other guests and I’m worried there is going to be a situation.

EDIT: I’ve only met her Mum twice before and she’s been fine with me on both times.

This is great, but I would have found her so annoying I'd tweak it a bit and say " Oh no Janet! I had wondered why you hadn't been replying, did you not see any of my messages? We've obviously doubled up now on the cake/decorations/games etc. But don't worry, use yours for the baby shower. I have a friend's son's birthday coming up and I can use the ones I bought for that. Must have been a WhatsApp issue." 😒

Well, mum’s a bitch isn’t she?

I’d message on the group ‘that’s not strictly true is it, Sandra? I’ve been helping you a lot. You asked me to do decorations, games and the cake. But you’ve left all my messages and questions on ‘read’. Then you’ve told mum-to-be you’ve found me ‘unhelpful’. I’ve been trying hard to help, you’ve just failed to respond. Ever! So I can only assume from that that you don’t actually want my help, so I shall graciously stand down from the role.’

And then I wouldn’t go. Because the friendship is probably over anyway, and at least this way I’ve said my piece. Publicly.

@Screamingabdabz They do all this white to show it off on social media I’m convinced. Otherwise why the need for all the decor, cake, games, baby registry etc if the truth is to actually celebrate the pregnant woman? That could be done over a coffee and lunch out or sending a small gift to say congratulations when baby arrives. The baby shower stuff is crazy, don’t even get me started on the bizarre gender reveals.

This is genius!!!

If I was in your situation I’d just say ‘your mum hasn’t been responding to my messages so it’s been difficult for me to help with a anything’

but honestly…
why do women make such a big deal with baby showers these days????
it’s her third baby WHO THE HELL CARES?!?
Women act like nobody’s ever been pregnant. I had my last 10 years ago back when baby ‘showers’ were an American thing and baby’s genders were affirmed at birth. People are so pathetic these days and quite frankly your friends mum needs to grow up.

@Tophy124 I wish you all the best in your pregnancy. My first was high risk so I’ve been through it. I share all the same feelings. I couldn’t focus on anything else x

Having now read all the updates you needed to send the photos to then group and do not turn up. You are owed an apology from the both of them.

@MakeItRain This is legendary! X

Spot on. I swear everything people do these days is to show off. My in laws never used to go out anywhere, their lives were dull. Now they’re off everywhere just to ‘check in’ on Facebook or to keep up with what ‘Paul and sue’ are doing on Facebook.

@Sarahtm35 It’s funny as I live in the US and know more Brit’s that have baby showers than I do Americans! Here the only people I know that have them have close family or church based ones (because churches here seem to love to throw a party for anything!) lol.

The ones I’ve seen in the UK are so over the top!! All for the gram I suspect.

I do love a bit of passive aggression 😬😂

Yes love it!! Couldn’t agree more. As if anybody cares they’re up the duff 😂

What a horrible pair they are! Definitely call het out on WhatsApp and eat the cake.

It isn't creating a drama to state the facts. I'd be on the group chat "hi mum, I've messaged you xx times to confirm I've ordered the cake and sent pics of blah, blah, blah which I've bought and paid for myself as requested. I haven't heard back so I'm not sure if there's a problem, but if you see this perhaps you could get in touch so we can finalise details. Can't wait to see you at xx's baby shower, I know it's going to be a fabulous day. Gush, gush. Barf."

Oh op they’ve been so rude

absolutely call her out in the chat !!!

screenshots the money the lot

im so angry on your behalf

YANBU. Stick to facts. Count all of the messages she’s not replied to and look at some of the topics. Then reply in the group chat something like, ‘Really sorry to see you feel you’ve been alone organising things. I was very willing to help - I sent 17 messages offering to help with x, y and z but you didn’t reply! Could you let me know about the cake when you see this as I need to call the bakery tomorrow?’

The bloody cow!

This!

@@Popcornlassie28

back up the boat!!!!

her Mum stated she had organised most things but left me with some loose ends to organise (decorations, shower games, cake etc)

loose ends? Loose ends?? LOOSE ENDS??

errr What has SHE actually done?

whatever support you need here, you've got it!!

I'd have 'gone through' the WhatsApp chat after the first coukd of 'on read' texts!

you've been too patient & now she's made you look bad. Dump it ALL in WhatsApp chat, don't let her get away with this!

preggers is a cf, not fallen far from the tree! She has dumped you in it, she knows what her mother is like, I don't think you'll find it a great loss if she gets the hump!

I would definitely eat the cake

Why is she having a baby shower for a 3rd baby???? I like baby showers but that is grabby as hell.

Yessssss.

Please respond with PP chosen words. Ppl need to know you have tried & contributed. I wouldn’t sleep at night letting this go 😂

@ThursdayFreedom I agree with you! She has been ‘in charge’ of venue (yes it’s a booked event), present list for guest to follow (this is a new one!) and the group chat🙃

I wanted to tread respectfully as it’s her Mum but I’m really angry now.

Screen shot it all and post on the group. She started it! Say “you chose to do it by not including or communicating with me. Not sure why you are attempting to make me look bad but I suspect it’s a “you” problem.. well done on the shower I’m sure it will be amazing”

present list

OMG the cheek

Erm off you fuck!

Present list so really an American baby registry. Those are for FAMILY or very close friends!! And only if requested to be shown it, not to give to guests!! Bloody hell. And for FIRST babies. Wtf do they need for round 3? Weirdos. Please don’t give a gift off the list!