MIL telling DD how babies are born

[7whiteclouds]

My DD (6) has just said to me “when I had a sleepover at MIL’s a couple of weeks ago - MIL said to me that me and siblings were born by you having your tummy cut open but daddy was born by coming out of her vagina”.

AIBU to be really annoyed that MIL has told DD this information without 1) asking me if it was okay to have this conversation, 2) considering whether I wanted her to know this information yet and 3) whether it was ok for her to be the one to share this information?

I am all for giving my children honest information about human biology, in an age appropriate way and at a time, that I as a mother, feel is best for my children.

if DD had asked me how she was born then I would have explained to her, in the way that I want her to be taught. But DD didn’t ask MIL this question - MIL just told her this info (not sure the context of the conversation). I was waiting for my DD to come to me to ask this question - she previously had at a younger age and I’d just light heartedly said to her “through a special door on my tummy” (partially true for a CS) - until she was ready for more information. She’s not asked me for a while but if she had come to me now and asked, then yes I would have explained how babies come out.

I think it’s really selfish and insensitive for her to have shared not only my personal information with DD, but the important conversation that I believe a mother should have with her DD - not the MIL. I remember when I found out how babies were born (at around DD’s age)that I was felt really uncomfortable and embarrassed about it - I didn’t want DD to feel the same; hence why I was waiting for her to ask me the question and for me to be able to explain to her in a way that suits my DD.

AIBU to say something to her about this or should I just stay quiet?

People may disagree with you on here but I agree with you.

my BIL and SIL gave their son (my nephew) a graphic description of periods and what they are and their purpose when he was about 5. He started to tell my DSs (then aged 6 and 3) over dinner and my DH told him to stop in no uncertain terms. It wasn’t the time or the place and I don’t think a 6 and 3 year old need to know about periods.

She's 6, it's not a horrifying secret how babies come out or even how they are made - and it's entirely normal and appropriate for small children to think sex is revolting.

Stay quiet and get over it.

Fully aware and appreciate she’s 6 and it’s fine for her to know at this age - I would have been honest with her myself. It’s more to do with the fact that I don’t feel it’s her place to tell her this information. And also; why did she just randomly tell her this information without DD asking her first?

Wouldn’t bother me at all, but my children knew from well before 6yo about the various ways babies are born. They also knew about periods because they had seen me dealing with it and asked.

I totally agree with you. Fine for her to know that stuff but your MIL has overstepped the mark by poking her nose into it.

Was your dd upset about the conversation?

At 6 years old, assuming your child goes to school, this won’t be the first time your child has heard more about how babies are born than just ‘a special door in mummy’s tummy.’

Are you sure your daughter didn’t ask? Or talk about birth in some way? I just can’t imagine how the topic would have come up otherwise.

Personally I wouldn’t have had an issue. Sounds like she gave honest direct information and nothing inappropriate.

My children both knew well before 6 that babies are born sometimes via their mothers vagina and sometimes a dr gets them out through the belly.

Is there a history of MIL saying things to your DD you don’t like? Or is this a one off. If a one off I’d let it go.

What’s not age appropriate about how she explained it? You say you don’t know the context but there must have been some and it sounds like she handled it fine. I’ve had these conversations with my 4 year old as I had her brother by ELCS a couple of months ago and she understands it. She’s performed sections on all of her teddies and thinks it’s very cool.

“A special door” is a bit weird, especially at 6. She knows abdomens don’t have doors in. You’ve got a scar, a doctor took her out, sewed you up, you’ve healed well and about 1 in 5 babies come out that way. The rest come out of vaginas.

Its best to just be honest and factual about this stuff. Embarrassment is caused by daft euphemisms and coy explanations.

I agree with @AnneLovesGilbert about the “special door” thing. It’s just makes no sense.

If I was MIL I'd have assumed she knew already and it was just something she was curious about / wanted to hear what I had to say about it.

My 3 year old can tell you where babies come from, so it's odd to me she doesn't know and your MIL probably didn't give it much thought.

Have you asked MIL how this conversation came up?

why did she just randomly tell her this information without DD asking her first?

There’s no way that’s what happened.

This is just MIL bashing. She had a perfectly fine conversation with her granddaughter.
Poor woman. She lovingly had your daughter over for a sleepover, I bet she made sure she had a great time and I hope you enjoyed your child free night and now you want to tell her off?

It's a perfectly reasonable answer to what must have been an honest enquiry. It's not like it was a man in street that told her, it was her own grandma. Not sure what the issue is.

Bizarre

She asked. Your mil answered in a factual way that was educational to your DD. I view that as a good thing. With sex education it’s best to be as factual as possible rather than present an idealised version of events. It shouldn’t be about how YOU want it to be taught but about what is best for the child to hear at a given time.

To give you an example of what I mean (a true story that still makes me furious):

My sister told neice at 8 that babies came from storks or something really stupid. My DN thought it was stupid too (she had started her period by then) and so asked her friend who told her that babies were as a result of ‘boys raping you’. Because that friend had heard the word rape, asked her mum what it meant, and the idiot told her it meant ‘love’.

But DD didn’t ask MIL this question - MIL just told her this info (not sure the context of the conversation).

Are you sure she didn't ask? It wouldn't bother me, but it does seem a very random thing to just come out with.

Maybe mil just assumed dd already knew babies came out of a vagina. I’d assume most 6 years olds know this. Has it never come up in conversation at home?

I think your MIL explained it pretty well. But both my nieces have asked me about babies and both time i referred them back to their Mum. I felt it wasn't my place to have that conversation & I didn't know how my brother & SIL were planning on telling them

I don't think you're unreasonable to share your views with your MIL but I do think you're unreasonable to be so outraged. What does your OH think?
I doubt your MIL set out to have a talk with your child about this, I'd imagine it was part of a wider conversation that came up and your MIL gave further information. I don't really think it's anything to get worked up about.
What is it ghat irritating you? Do you feel this was an inappropriate conversation to gave with a young child or are you annoyed because you wanted this 'special conversation'?

“I was waiting for my DD to come to me to ask this question - she previously had at a younger age and I’d just light heartedly said to her “through a special door on my tummy” (partially true for a CS)”

Good on your MIL for not spouting that sort of nonsense 🤣
A special door? God help us. “Age appropriate” doesn’t mean lying, it means simplifying. Special doors are nonsense, and more complex than the simplified truth.

If DD didn't ask then that's odd

Tbh I feel sorry for your nephew in that story how on earth is a child supposed to understand the extent to which other parents beyond his own want to teach their children. It would've been better surely for your husband to say something to your BIL and SIL then take it out on a child.

I told my ds (then 2 almost 3) how the Dr unzipped my tummy because he was up the wrong way - ahead of his baby sister's vbac. Partly to reduce questions about how babies get out of tummies, and partly to reduce any concerns about me being missing overnight! A couple of months later we got a play dr kit and he learned how to use a scalpel on the tummy, which alarmed dp, who was missing the context!

But it's absolutely your right to explain what and when.

Would you have been so annoyed if your births hadn't been different?