MIL telling DD how babies are born

[7whiteclouds]

My DD (6) has just said to me “when I had a sleepover at MIL’s a couple of weeks ago - MIL said to me that me and siblings were born by you having your tummy cut open but daddy was born by coming out of her vagina”.

AIBU to be really annoyed that MIL has told DD this information without 1) asking me if it was okay to have this conversation, 2) considering whether I wanted her to know this information yet and 3) whether it was ok for her to be the one to share this information?

I am all for giving my children honest information about human biology, in an age appropriate way and at a time, that I as a mother, feel is best for my children.

if DD had asked me how she was born then I would have explained to her, in the way that I want her to be taught. But DD didn’t ask MIL this question - MIL just told her this info (not sure the context of the conversation). I was waiting for my DD to come to me to ask this question - she previously had at a younger age and I’d just light heartedly said to her “through a special door on my tummy” (partially true for a CS) - until she was ready for more information. She’s not asked me for a while but if she had come to me now and asked, then yes I would have explained how babies come out.

I think it’s really selfish and insensitive for her to have shared not only my personal information with DD, but the important conversation that I believe a mother should have with her DD - not the MIL. I remember when I found out how babies were born (at around DD’s age)that I was felt really uncomfortable and embarrassed about it - I didn’t want DD to feel the same; hence why I was waiting for her to ask me the question and for me to be able to explain to her in a way that suits my DD.

AIBU to say something to her about this or should I just stay quiet?

I think how your MIL put it is far more appropriate than the weird lie that you have a special door in your tummy - what a way to confuse a child 🙄

Honestly I just don’t think you know enough about the conversation to take an informed view here, regardless of the back story. It seems like your daughter is ok with it. And as others have said, you can now take the opportunity to explain it properly. As your daughter gets older she can take her own view of a VBAC vs C-sectiom.

If your daughter is going to keep seeing her gran then you’re not going to be able to police all of their conversations. Just keep encouraging your DD to chat to you so you can offer the other side. And also if a gran had said to me “ask your mother” when a topic of conversation came up it probably would have worried and bemused me in equal measure and I’d have probably not asked as I would have assumed there was something taboo about the topic. So I don’t agree with that approach either.

I was born very prematurely; I found out as an adult that my mother had three miscarriages before I was delivered alive. When I was about 5 or 6 I asked her 'where I came from'. She said that I 'grew inside her tummy'. I asked how I got out. She said 'the doctors opened me up'. Just that. I can still recall, 65 years later, the vivid mental image I had of my mother being opened like a suitcase with (two hinges on her back) and a little me visible inside, fully dressed and wearing glasses. I presumed I was lifted out and my mother shut up again.

I think you are being silly. A conversation must have arisen and she has given factual age appropriate advice

It must have been relevant to the conversation...how do you know she didn't ask but you don't know what they were talking about? You don't just come out with it in the middle of chatting about unicorns.

This vivid image is why I don't like "cut open" or "opened up" for c-sections. This is also how it was described to me as a child and I carried that fear all through to my own childbirth when c-section was my worst case scenario.

My dd has seen my scar lots of times in the bath, it's quite small and not in the tummy area at all. I've explained to her already (she's not yet 3) that little scar is how she was born and how her little sibling will be born. I think it's really important not to use exaggerated language about the size of it. Dd is very matter of fact about it and has poked it and it isn't scary.

Op I suggest you take it into your own hands and explain it yourself, maybe show your scar if you're comfortable to.

Why don't they already know,? Don't they ask about the TV ads? Or you?

Maybe she did but won't say because she had already had your version had been embarrassed at getting it wrong at school and didn't want another lie?

Ahhh it is a MIL problem

Did he have a sex change???

OP, I recommend the sweet and accurate book It’s Not the Stork by Robie Harris for getting ahead of the game on this :)

To be honest it sounds more like you haven't come to terms with the birth yet....and lots of mummies do struggle with this. Why do you feel you did it the wrong way?

Oh I love mumsnet 🤣🤣

i don’t want to discuss periods over the dinner table with anyone never mind a 5 year old

why is everyone so offended that we’ve decided to keep things until the children are older? Why does a 3 year old need to know about periods?

That is unlikely as op doesn't even know what the conversation around it was and didn't come out with that until she had thought on it more and read a lot of YaBU so came back.

If a child asks they are old enough to know facts at an appropriate level. Periods are not dirty. Children watch TV things on TV are discussed. Telling a child to be quiet in no uncertain terms says that's something we don't talk about....a dirty thing

@parliamoglesga

periods over the dinner table

Ah, the dinner table, that arbiter of decency and good taste! When my little sister was 6 or so, near Christmas, one Sunday lunchtime, there was a vicar talking about the Virgin Mary on the radio. 'What's a virgin?' she asked. My father gave her (and me, 9) a stern look and said 'That's not something we talk about at the dinner table'.

Without knowing the context of the conversation YABU, however MIL should have told you what had been said or that the topic had come up.

I’m feeling sorry for the MIL .

I frequently feel sorry for them on these threads. If I had a small boy now I’d be really hoping he was gay.

@Blossomtoes but they could still end up with a MIL.

You’ve completely missed the point and read the updates incorrectly… I have no issue with my C-sections. It’s MIL who is likely to have portrayed to DD that i birthed the wrong way in MIL’s eyes and MIL birthed the correct way in her eyes. Based on the history of things she has done/things she says, then it’s completely plausible.

No sex change - read the update.

Yeah it's MIL who has issues around csections

No wonder some women have such a fear and complex about childbirth when even their own mothers are “uncomfortable and embarrassed” to talk about it openly. I really don’t understand the problem. MILs can win on MN.

MILs can win on MN

Exactly. And most of them also successfully raised the men these women, who hate them, fell in love with enough to have their own kids with

So was it elective too posh to push c section or medical advise and Mil actually said you should have rejected medical advice risking lives?