MIL telling DD how babies are born

[7whiteclouds]

My DD (6) has just said to me “when I had a sleepover at MIL’s a couple of weeks ago - MIL said to me that me and siblings were born by you having your tummy cut open but daddy was born by coming out of her vagina”.

AIBU to be really annoyed that MIL has told DD this information without 1) asking me if it was okay to have this conversation, 2) considering whether I wanted her to know this information yet and 3) whether it was ok for her to be the one to share this information?

I am all for giving my children honest information about human biology, in an age appropriate way and at a time, that I as a mother, feel is best for my children.

if DD had asked me how she was born then I would have explained to her, in the way that I want her to be taught. But DD didn’t ask MIL this question - MIL just told her this info (not sure the context of the conversation). I was waiting for my DD to come to me to ask this question - she previously had at a younger age and I’d just light heartedly said to her “through a special door on my tummy” (partially true for a CS) - until she was ready for more information. She’s not asked me for a while but if she had come to me now and asked, then yes I would have explained how babies come out.

I think it’s really selfish and insensitive for her to have shared not only my personal information with DD, but the important conversation that I believe a mother should have with her DD - not the MIL. I remember when I found out how babies were born (at around DD’s age)that I was felt really uncomfortable and embarrassed about it - I didn’t want DD to feel the same; hence why I was waiting for her to ask me the question and for me to be able to explain to her in a way that suits my DD.

AIBU to say something to her about this or should I just stay quiet?

Or maybe there’s narcissistic abuse involved. How about some people’s lives aren’t as clear cut and as simple as people on mumsnet clearly assume…

Medically I could not have delivered any other way due to medical conditions affecting both myself and the babies.

but again, quite clearly without you all knowing the full history and full context, you just assume I’m MIL bashing and assume she’s an amazing person who can do no wrong.

never mind.

Why the f does that matter? OP had a csection and who is MIL to say that isn't as good as her vaginally birth. It's really weird that she's made giving birth so competitive

Thank you. I’m glad someone else gets it.

Do you actually know what the term "elective" means, medically speaking?

Nothing of what OP's DD said suggests there was any criticism attached to factually giving the two possible routes by which babies are born. You've got a random other poster there asking weird questions, who isn't MIL. Making things up just to paint the MIL in a bad light is pointless. Stick to facts, like MIL did explaining about how babies are born.

Read the updates, you’ll see that I’ve said about how knowing MIL and the history, this isn’t actually a weird question and it’s a completely plausible possibility.

At age 6 your dd is going out into the world. She is going to get all sorts of information from all sorts of places and you are not going to be able to control who tells her ehat. So just relax and work on maintaining a good relationship with her do she comes and talks over what she's heard with you.

The being giggly about anything to do with sex and /or reproduction is totally par for the course at this age.

Was grandma supposed to ignore her when she asked? If a child I was close to asked me I'd tell them in a way your MIL has, wouldn't give it a second thought. Kids don't/won't learn everything they know from just you and her dad

"assume she’s an amazing person who can do no wrong.

never mind."

Oh dear, that's quite childish. No one on this thread has praised your MIL as far as I can see, so this might reflect a bit of a tendency to think in black and white... Which might feed into your interpretation of the childbirth talk situation as well?

Anyway I think it's just that your story changes so often. First it's vagina and you're worried about her upsetting your kid, then it's fairy and you're worried about her factual inaccuracy (despite special door...), then you decide the real reason is that she's undermining your birth method... Can you even keep track of the latest reason? Totally fair enough if you have a history with MIL but then what answer do you hope to hear by changing your story so often? You can just admit it's because you dislike your MIL, and be at peace with that.

Don't invent based on suspicious posters that this means she was subtly implying judgement, go back to your OP and reread it. Your upset was that you didn't want DD to have the information yet and that you wanted to tell her. That's what you wrote at the time and there was nothing suggesting it was said negatively. This woman is in your DD's life for the duration, you're going to have to start giving benefit of the doubt and trying to behave rationally.

"Too posh to push"?!

People sometimes tell me that there's no longer a taboo about c-sections or that no mother thinks they're superior for having a vaginal birth. Then delightful people like the one above pop up to prove them wrong.

I'm sure you don't believe that women can have been traumatised by sexual abuse, and you've never heard of vaginismus, amd you think "failure to progress" means she just didn't push hard enough.

Let me guess, do you also think pain relief is for cowards?

No I would count any anxiety or history as a valid medical reason not purely I don't fancy it.
Vaginismus is a medical condition as is mental trauma for whatever reason.

Yes but they’d be unlikely to be vile to her.

Loads of men don’t get on with their MIL. There are comedians who have based their whole careers on that stereotype. The difference is that those men aren’t expected to organise and maintain all relationships and activities with both sides of the family like women are, so they can just be rude without actually having to navigate any tricky relationships.

Same here