to not want to socialise with people significantly wealthier than us

[AliceMay55]

DH reconnected with his old mates a few years ago and we started socialising with this group. it has now started to impact me. They are all quite wealthy (he went to a very posh school on scholarship). We are ok financially. We have good jobs, a large detached house in the suburbs, nice cars, a couple of nice holidays a year etc, These friends are in a different league all together (say a few million a year income types).
We have a busy life with 3 kids. we have limited help. So I’m constantly busy, knackered, my kids don’t do many activities (just 2 each) and I look tired. On the other hand, the women in this group are doing very well professionally, have nannies/mothers help/cleaners, beautiful hands, lovely hair, designer clothes/bags, always look perfect. All their kids go to private schools, have a lot more “stuff” than our kids. We all just stand out like that.
AIBU to not want to socialise with the group anymore, just because of the very obvious financial disparity? DH can socialise if he wants;

What does your husband think? They were originally his friends so he might feel more comfortable with them.

If you reframe it so it's not about their wealth but about the fact that you have nothing in common with them, then it becomes perfectly reasonable that you wouldn't want to socialise with them. Why would you?

It sounds like you have an inferiority complex OP. You say they are nice people and your DH friends. Most people judge others on their behaviour not their wealth.My DD got a scholarship to an independent school and has school friends who many are very wealthy. She has a good job but nowhere near in their wealth league but they are her friends and if her DH said he didn't want to go to their invites I think she'd tell him 'fine, you stay home then' and she would still go.

Sounds like these people make you feel like your inadequate. If they were nice though you'd get over it...

Maybe go hang out with some poor people to make you feel better about yourself and see how much they like you

Do you have to stop socialising with them if they are nice people. Or can you adapt what socialising you do with them?

Initially I didn’t get what your issue was, but after reading your description about the events you all take turns hosting….it does sound quite intense. Like a proper hosted party rather than just an informal catch up.

Life is too short to spend time with people you don't enjoy spending time with

Don’t socialise with people you don’t feel comfortable with, life is far too short.

To me you sound very rich. You pay for 6 clubs for your kids. That's my wildest dreams. I can afford 1 for 1 child.

I think if they're lovely people then different status wouldn't matter. Clearly you have your own insecurity you can't shake right now so perhaps you could step back and let DH do whatever he'd like then you're both happy.

But this is my thing - you're laughing about her saying it. I would hate it if I felt that a friend of mine was laughing about me sharing something I was struggling with. If she's used to having help, and now doesn't, it's a legitimate thing to want to complain to your best friend about.

Eeek. Tricky one

I tnink it's natural to gravitate towards people on s similar level . I wouldn't feel comfortable hosting those people in my house. Surely they cant help judging you a little bit, as you judge them?

Just reading about them makes me feel
Inadequate and yes, a bit jealous

Kindly, you need to park on your self esteem and self value. There will always be people with more than you. You need to find a way to square that away with yourself. I am the friend with the slightly nicer life but it doesn't mean my life is a breeze I have the same struggles as everyone else but I take my hosting responsibility very seriously and if you come to my house be prepared to be 'hosted' you are my guest in my home and I want you to enjoy yourself so that's nice food good wine stuff for the kids to do so you can relax, it's not to show off its to share my good fortune with people who mean something to me

I have a friend who is very wealthy.
However she adapt what she does with what group of friends she is with (she’s incredibly vivacious with lots of friendships groups). So she had some equally wealthy friends, with them she goes skiing, hires beautiful houses with chefs included etc. the she has people like me (😂) and with our group of friends we go off to hostels/bunk houses and do hiking in different parts of the Uk….cost very little each.

Point is if they are decent people they should be aware they are very fortunate and that many people don’t have the lifestyle they do. I’d probably approach it by suggesting alternatives and being fairly direct about the cruise type options being out of your price bracket. Eg during the talk about cruises “

Op says that these people are nice decent people so obviously not snobby and nasty.
It is the Op who has the problem with them yet her dh doesn’t appear to have much of an issue with the disparities in wealth
Conjuring up scenarios in which the wealthy people are miserable and nasty does not help the Op because she doesn’t have an issue with them per se. Her issue is that she doesn’t feel comfortable with these people because they have more money. I think that is due to Op’s low self esteem.
I went to law school with many wealthy people. Some were snobby and others were lovely. I avoided the snobby individuals and made friends with the lovely people.

Op probably needs to take a step back from the friendship and work on her own self esteem .

I was going to say exactly the same thing. I don't think you're jealous but it's bloody hard when you feel tired, don't have good hair/nails/hands and you are socially mixing with women who aren't living in drudgery. I'm not saying you are, but you know that your life isn't as easy as theirs. I once had a friend whose husband was a merchant banker. She could afford stuff and holidays beyond my wildest dreams. We liked each other but there was equally in our friendship. I couldn't talk about our next holiday to St Kitts etc. The friendship dwindled obviously. I'd let your DH keep them as friends but it won't last long.

What I wouldn't give just to afford a balcony cabin.

Plus a large detached house in the suburbs, nice holidays and cars.

You really don't know when you're well off.

You’re overthinking my comment, @Sowhatifthatswhatisaid. Her complaint just made me smile internally when she was saying that her family has always had household help, because she assumed that I would relate to this - sometimes she forgets that as the child of teachers, I didn’t have the same upbringing as her!

We’re still very close, she’s like a sister and money isn’t an issue between us. I’ve supported her through many problems and vice versa, and I don’t generally make fun of her, this particular comment just made me smile.

You sound the worst kind of inverted snob and a terrible role model for your children.

@QueenMegan What on earth is wrong with you?

Do they seem to enjoy your company and do they make an effort to see you and include you?

If it’s hard work to socialise with them then just don’t. Socialising should be fun and when it’s not, stop.