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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My wedding rings are missing and I think my child gave them to a friend

219 replies

threeisacharm18 · 16/06/2023 01:00

Long and short of it is - my DC and her friend were playing in my house. They went up to my bedroom where my rings are normally on the nightstand.

Next day I noticed they were missing. I asked DC if she had given my rings to her friend . She said no.

When her friend was leaving she tried to give her a wind chime which I'd discouraged.

Previously D.C. friend had taken an inconsequential item from her house and given it to my dc which I gave back to the mum.

I know my dc has an active imagination and often makes up stories and is susceptible to suggestion. She's 5. Anyway I thought I'd leave it for a day or two and ask her to talk me through the day when her friend came over. And I asked again did she give my rings to her friend and this time she said yes.

Again because she's not always truthful I left it for a day or so and then today I asked her to talk me through the day her friend came.
She told me they found some rings and that she gave them to her friend. I asked her if she gave anything else to the friend and she said she gave the friend a teddy bear which talks. She does have a talking teddy but it's not the colour she told me. However there is a missing teddy among her toys.

So now I have an unreliable child witness and missing personal item.

I need to ask the mum of this child but I don't want to come across as accusatory.

What would you do?

OP posts:
steppemum · 16/06/2023 19:22

Your method of asking your child is completely wrong, because she is now remembering what she has said before and not what has actually happened.

Children's memories are very suggestible, and that is why it is essential when there is a child witness that they are interviewed by a trained person.

Now that she has said that she gave the rings to her friend, she 'remembers' that that is what happened regardless of whether it is or isn't.

Rubblefish · 16/06/2023 19:24

Oh shit I lost my wedding ring and watch for 2 years. My then 2 year old daughter posted them through the gap in the toy chest in her room. It was only when we updated her room and cleared out her toy chest we found the ring and watch.

A favourite of my kids was "posting' the TV remote in the kitchen bin

Original poster
threeisacharm18 · 16/06/2023 19:24

Didn't realise I'd get so many replies.

The reason I dithered for so long is that I didn't want the other mum to think I was accusing her child.

I did ring the mum. Apparently the two kids put it somewhere in a box. Not quite sure which one but they described the colour and I'm non the wiser. I'll have a good look through all the toy boxes once the kids are in bed

OP posts:
Original poster
threeisacharm18 · 16/06/2023 19:30

In reply to some of the other questions

DC has friend over and they go to her room and play. This was never an issue

I have an office in the loft which has a stair gate on the stairs. It has a nightstand where I sometimes put my rings because my fingers swell. That room also has toys that I rotate when she gets bored of the ones downstairs.

In the past the stair gate prevented her from reaching that room but now she knows how to open the stair gate. Clearly the motive for going up there was for the toys.

It never occurred to me I'd have to teach her boundaries because we've never had a friend over where they could access my office - due to the stair gate

OP posts:
Fisharejumping · 16/06/2023 19:47

Let us know when you find it.

Unicorn2022 · 16/06/2023 21:15

Do you have another ring you can hand to your DD and ask her to put it with your wedding rings. It might jog her memory enough to lead you to them.

SleeplessinScarbourough · 16/06/2023 23:57

You need to press DD on this or you may never get to the bottom of it. Years and years ago a collectors item, handmade abroad disappeared from our house and only have our then 6 year old niece account of what happened to it - according to her our nephew took it but he always denied it and niece story kept changing from he did to he didn’t to he did and he didn’t- 20 years later we have no idea what happened to it.

bouncydog · 17/06/2023 08:38

DH age 5 gave his new school coat to “the nice lady who came to the door collecting for the poor children” whilst MIL was elsewhere in the house! He thinks MIL had to go and buy him a new one!

notsayingmuch · 17/06/2023 08:57

SleeplessinScarbourough · 16/06/2023 23:57

You need to press DD on this or you may never get to the bottom of it. Years and years ago a collectors item, handmade abroad disappeared from our house and only have our then 6 year old niece account of what happened to it - according to her our nephew took it but he always denied it and niece story kept changing from he did to he didn’t to he did and he didn’t- 20 years later we have no idea what happened to it.

You cannot press a young child for the truth, though. They probably don't have a memory of the event and so they won't be able to recall it. Your niece was just trying to say what she believed you wanted her to say.

Viviennemary · 17/06/2023 09:18

There's a really good if far fetched thriller centred round a priceless artefact which a child gives to another child. Goldie Hawn Deceived. Anyway just ask the Mum to look around as you fear your child has gifted the rings to her child.

ZebraDilemma · 17/06/2023 09:43

Unicorn2022 · 16/06/2023 21:15

Do you have another ring you can hand to your DD and ask her to put it with your wedding rings. It might jog her memory enough to lead you to them.

Good idea

MucozadeOnLucozade · 17/06/2023 09:52

This happened to my friend! Beautiful rings left on the side, child had playdate and the rings went missing. House turned upside down.. This was about three years ago and never were found.

BeverlyHa · 17/06/2023 10:02

I keep all documents, and any such items in a spot which only i know, it disguised as looking like not much and usually check the contents often.

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/06/2023 10:11

Have you found them?

inloveandmarried · 17/06/2023 10:25

JennyJenny8675309 · 16/06/2023 01:43

I had a five year old in my class who took cash from parents bedroom and passed it out to children at school. It was quite a bit of money, set aside for their rent!

Similar happened to us. My husband was often paid in cash 20-30 years ago.

The cash was used to play shops I think Shock

zingally · 17/06/2023 11:09

There needs to be some consequences for your DD as well. Especially if she has form for this. 5yo is old enough to know that you don't give away other people's possessions to your little mates.

She also needs telling that adults bedrooms are off limits to children who don't belong to said adult. That's a good general safety rule as well.

stealthninjamum · 17/06/2023 11:09

I can see how this happened, one of those things you couldn’t have foreseen, but I think you now need to ban your child from entering your office. I have a study with all my papers and bits of crap in and my children have known from a young age they’re not allowed in that room. Sometimes you need privacy and the knowledge that young eyes won’t be looking at your private documents.

I hope you find the rings.

thewillowbunnies · 17/06/2023 11:10

I found my very expensive Tiffany bracelet in a box of junk in my son's room. I was just about to tip the lot into the bin when I thought I had better double check.

I might add, I wasn't even aware the bracelet was missing as I don't wear it that often!

Just ring the other mum - blame your daughter not hers, but you need to say it's looking likely my wedding rings are somewhere in your house, please can you ask x where she might have hidden them!

JudgeJ · 17/06/2023 11:51

justasking111 · 16/06/2023 08:28

My grandson took his mum's very valuable eternity ring into school for the teacher. Another time my grandson took mine mum found it at the bottom of his trousers pocket.

I'd just ask, check pockets and bags thoroughly.

My daughter once took 'Mummy's huge diamond' into school to show her teacher and class! Luckily her teacher was/is a very good friend of ours and she brought it round, it was a small silvery paper weight.

JudgeJ · 17/06/2023 11:59

Rubblefish · 16/06/2023 19:24

Oh shit I lost my wedding ring and watch for 2 years. My then 2 year old daughter posted them through the gap in the toy chest in her room. It was only when we updated her room and cleared out her toy chest we found the ring and watch.

A favourite of my kids was "posting' the TV remote in the kitchen bin

When our children were small we had stair carpet held in place by brass rods so it was a bit loose at the bottom, if anything was missing we would always take the bottom rod off and look behind the carpet, usually successfully too!

SamphireSandwich · 17/06/2023 12:13

zingally · 17/06/2023 11:09

There needs to be some consequences for your DD as well. Especially if she has form for this. 5yo is old enough to know that you don't give away other people's possessions to your little mates.

She also needs telling that adults bedrooms are off limits to children who don't belong to said adult. That's a good general safety rule as well.

If only OP had explained how it happened and how things work in her home…..

SamphireSandwich · 17/06/2023 12:13

thewillowbunnies · 17/06/2023 11:10

I found my very expensive Tiffany bracelet in a box of junk in my son's room. I was just about to tip the lot into the bin when I thought I had better double check.

I might add, I wasn't even aware the bracelet was missing as I don't wear it that often!

Just ring the other mum - blame your daughter not hers, but you need to say it's looking likely my wedding rings are somewhere in your house, please can you ask x where she might have hidden them!

And then cancel the cheque?

ZeldaFighter · 17/06/2023 12:21

Have you found the rings?

Can you ask your daughter to show you which box they put them in?

Hoping you find them x

Mamanch · 17/06/2023 13:17

Just ask. In dd's reception class we had a whole string of items being taken from homes and given as presents to classmates 🤦‍♀️ teacher had a word once it came to light and most things were returned. The whereabouts of a grandma's cordless phone, however, is a mystery.

CoolShoeshine · 17/06/2023 13:22

Gosh hope you get the rings back soon op!