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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My wedding rings are missing and I think my child gave them to a friend

219 replies

threeisacharm18 · 16/06/2023 01:00

Long and short of it is - my DC and her friend were playing in my house. They went up to my bedroom where my rings are normally on the nightstand.

Next day I noticed they were missing. I asked DC if she had given my rings to her friend . She said no.

When her friend was leaving she tried to give her a wind chime which I'd discouraged.

Previously D.C. friend had taken an inconsequential item from her house and given it to my dc which I gave back to the mum.

I know my dc has an active imagination and often makes up stories and is susceptible to suggestion. She's 5. Anyway I thought I'd leave it for a day or two and ask her to talk me through the day when her friend came over. And I asked again did she give my rings to her friend and this time she said yes.

Again because she's not always truthful I left it for a day or so and then today I asked her to talk me through the day her friend came.
She told me they found some rings and that she gave them to her friend. I asked her if she gave anything else to the friend and she said she gave the friend a teddy bear which talks. She does have a talking teddy but it's not the colour she told me. However there is a missing teddy among her toys.

So now I have an unreliable child witness and missing personal item.

I need to ask the mum of this child but I don't want to come across as accusatory.

What would you do?

OP posts:
HandsupSue · 16/06/2023 07:04

ThickSkinnedSoWhat · 16/06/2023 06:40

Probably been through the washing machine by now since you decided to waste time questioning and interviewing your child first. My own child of a reasonably similar age has disabilities and I'd not be overly impressed if a child handed her two rings as there is every chance they might have swallowed them. Especially if the mother didn't bother contacting me to warn me.

How old and how serious the disability?

RoseGoldEagle · 16/06/2023 07:07

Zola1 · 16/06/2023 01:21

I really think you're over thinking it, I wouldn't blink if a parent said to me 'getting a garbled version off 5 but think my 5yo gave yours my wedding rings when they were playing!! Have you seen them at all, would you mind asking her if she knows where they are x'

This!!

Aurora83 · 16/06/2023 07:07

Might be in her friends pocket or doll house etc etc so maybe it could be there but there can be reasons why the other mother hasn’t noticed. I wouldn’t be offended if someone asked me, I would be helping to look for it!

Mouthfulofquiz · 16/06/2023 07:08

I can’t believe people leave their jewellery where kids can find it. I keep mine locked away at all times if it’s not on me because we have old wooden floorboards and the main risk here would be a ring dropping down in between them! If my kids want to see the jewellery they can, it’s just in a controlled way, on a tray, on top of a laid out bed sheet!
I really hope you get them back OP! If not, you might need to claim on the home insurance?

liveforsummer · 16/06/2023 07:10

Why on earth didn't you just ask the mum in the first place - not in an accusing way but 'hey you'll never guess what?!, dd is a nightmare' type way? Bizarre you've wasted all this time questioning, as you say, an unreliable witness. The rings could be anywhere by now

Wafflesandcrepes · 16/06/2023 07:10

When my daughter was about six, my wedding ring disappeared for 24 hrs. I looked for it frantically. It then magically reappeared in the very spot where we had left it. My daughter pleaded ignorance and still won’t own up to it ten years on. 😂

I hope you find your rings soon. Call the other mum.

Mirabai · 16/06/2023 07:12

liveforsummer · 16/06/2023 07:10

Why on earth didn't you just ask the mum in the first place - not in an accusing way but 'hey you'll never guess what?!, dd is a nightmare' type way? Bizarre you've wasted all this time questioning, as you say, an unreliable witness. The rings could be anywhere by now

This.

It’s not as if you’re accusing the DD of taking them, simply tell them that DD told you she had given friend two rings and a teddy and these items are indeed missing.

Probably been eaten by the hamster by now.

HandsupSue · 16/06/2023 07:12

Mouthfulofquiz · 16/06/2023 07:08

I can’t believe people leave their jewellery where kids can find it. I keep mine locked away at all times if it’s not on me because we have old wooden floorboards and the main risk here would be a ring dropping down in between them! If my kids want to see the jewellery they can, it’s just in a controlled way, on a tray, on top of a laid out bed sheet!
I really hope you get them back OP! If not, you might need to claim on the home insurance?

Only if she’s specified as a high value item
and only if she’s kept to the conditions re storage

NoraBattysCurlers · 16/06/2023 07:14

BreadInCaptivity · 16/06/2023 01:10

I'd call the mum and ask if her child has your rings.

Explain that your DD has told you she gave them to her as a gift without understanding the sentimental value of the items, value and that's it's wrong to give other peoples belongings away.

I'd hope most people in that situation would want to help you get your rings back.

That said, you really need to think about an appropriate parenting response.

This is not a small thing.

At that age my child would not have given other peoples property away. Nor would they lie.

It's not a product of an active imagination

  • I'd suggest a lack of consequence?

It certainly wouldn't have taken me "a day or two" to get to the bottom of the matter.

There's always one.

boringlady · 16/06/2023 07:15

Good luck

Dovetail40 · 16/06/2023 07:16

TimeToRecover · 16/06/2023 01:31

Ask the other mother. Why is it so difficult?

I think my child gave your child our wedding rings, can you please check

Honestly this.

Why the drama and effort for opinion on mumsnet.

I would have rang the time I noticed they were missing.

THEY ARE 5 YEARS OLD

Beautiful3 · 16/06/2023 07:21

I'd message saying," Hi x said she gave my rings to x! I can't find them anywhere. Would you mind having a look for me! Thanks so much x "

Aurora83 · 16/06/2023 07:22

I just partly remembered a funny story my friend told me - while she was sleeping her 3 year old pulled her ring off and hid it 😂
although I can’t remember details of the second half of the story and where they found it but they didn’t eventually find it about a month later lol. I’m sure it is somewhere.

also another friend was gardening and his ring blew off ?!!! And he couldn’t see it at first but found it several months later in the garden. Also check the garbage! Pull apart sofas etc. But ask the other mum first! I’m sure she’ll understand!

Itsanotherhreatday · 16/06/2023 07:30

How would you react if a mum called and said her DD had given yours the rings?

That’s would be how most people would react!

Not everyone cleans their kids bedrooms regularly 🤷‍♀️ so they may not have noticed.

Therealjudgejudy · 16/06/2023 07:30

Why haven't you just asked the child's mum?

Bizarre

ilovesushi · 16/06/2023 07:33

Just say I think my child may have given your child my wedding rings. They were playing in there and I know they like to share their toys. Can you ask or have a look around?

I know what it is like with little kids and trying to say what they think you want to hear then getting themselves muddled about what actually happened.

HandsupSue · 16/06/2023 07:36

It certainly wouldn't have taken me "a day or two" to get to the bottom of the matter.

@BreadInCaptivity you sound scary. Bloody scary.

HandsupSue · 16/06/2023 07:37

The only odd thing about this scenario is the OP navel gazing on mumsnet rather than just contacting the mum and having a chat.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 16/06/2023 07:45

Hi,
The other day when Julia was over, her and Anna were playing in my room and for some reason known only to Anna at the time, she says that she gave Julia my wedding rings as a gift! They definitely are no longer at home-would you be able to have a look for them please?

daisychain01 · 16/06/2023 07:54

threeisacharm18 · 16/06/2023 01:11

Thanks everyone . It's just that if she had then surely she'd say so by now?

And No definitely not accusing her child.
Okay I'll ask in the morning. Maybe before school while it's fresh

No, it isn't necessarily the case that your DDs friend would admit to having the rings.

She may feel she's done something wrong and worry she'll get into trouble.

daisychain01 · 16/06/2023 07:57

HandsupSue · 16/06/2023 07:37

The only odd thing about this scenario is the OP navel gazing on mumsnet rather than just contacting the mum and having a chat.

That's unkind. The OP just wants to talk it through first and check her thinking, I'd say that was being careful not just weighing in and saying things wrong or risking causing offence.

Oblomov23 · 16/06/2023 07:59

Why on earth didn't you just phone the mum immediately? Hmm

HandsupSue · 16/06/2023 08:00

daisychain01 · 16/06/2023 07:57

That's unkind. The OP just wants to talk it through first and check her thinking, I'd say that was being careful not just weighing in and saying things wrong or risking causing offence.

Show quote history

And probably has meant the ring is now long gone

RampantIvy · 16/06/2023 08:00

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 16/06/2023 06:41

Loads of people I know put wedding and other rings on a nightstand or ring tray or not locked away.

Show quote history

All my married friends wear their wedding rings, as do I, but if I didn't wear mine if would be out of sight in my jewellery box, not on my dressing table.

Smartiepants79 · 16/06/2023 08:05

I’d be concerned that you’ve waited too long to ask and they’re long gone in a field somewhere.
A 5 year old has had them for several days with no knowledge of how precious they are. If she has any idea where she’s left them I’ll be astonished.
My cousin did this once when she was little. Put her mums rings in her backpack and took them on a little adventure. Never seen again!