My wedding rings are missing and I think my child gave them to a friend

[threeisacharm18]

Long and short of it is - my DC and her friend were playing in my house. They went up to my bedroom where my rings are normally on the nightstand.

Next day I noticed they were missing. I asked DC if she had given my rings to her friend . She said no.

When her friend was leaving she tried to give her a wind chime which I'd discouraged.

Previously D.C. friend had taken an inconsequential item from her house and given it to my dc which I gave back to the mum.

I know my dc has an active imagination and often makes up stories and is susceptible to suggestion. She's 5. Anyway I thought I'd leave it for a day or two and ask her to talk me through the day when her friend came over. And I asked again did she give my rings to her friend and this time she said yes.

Again because she's not always truthful I left it for a day or so and then today I asked her to talk me through the day her friend came.
She told me they found some rings and that she gave them to her friend. I asked her if she gave anything else to the friend and she said she gave the friend a teddy bear which talks. She does have a talking teddy but it's not the colour she told me. However there is a missing teddy among her toys.

So now I have an unreliable child witness and missing personal item.

I need to ask the mum of this child but I don't want to come across as accusatory.

What would you do?

The other parent won't be offended. You should have asked the very first day before the other child could lose the rings.

It is so important that I would have taken my child and visited their little friend.

Agree entirely. An awful lot of time has been spent on trying to get a reliable story from an unreliable 5 y/o - time during which the rings could be lost/gifted again/etc. It’s only accusatory if you say she took them, not if you say she was gifted them.

I do hope you get them back OP. What an upsetting loss!

The kids are acting like typical kids but you, op, are acting very strangely. I'm stunned you have wasted this time trying to 'get to the bottom of it', when you should have immediately spoke to the other concerned adult.

I am also gob smacked that you have been dithering about like this for days. If my rings went missing, I would be frantic and wouldn’t stop looking until every possible stone had been unturned.

This.

OP, waiting is not your friend with these things.

Memories blur even more.
Even more chances for the rings to be dropped, forgotten, given to somebody else by your DD's friend...

I really don't understand why you would wait this long.

Please update op after you ask!

If her daughter put your rings at the bottom of her gym bag, dropped them under her nightstand, put them in her dress up box...

how would her mother even know?

She most likely doesn't. Which is why she didn't say anything.

I used to give away valuable items to friends when I was about that age. Used to drive my mum crazy. I recommend you put your valuables out of reach...
And that you teach your daughter to talk to you before gift giving.

If a parent phoned me and said - 'this is slightly awkward, but my wedding rings are missing and DD said she gave them to your DD. Would you mind asking her or having a look around for me please?"

"Oh crikey of course I will, I'll speak to DD and get back to you ASAP, so sorry, I had no idea"

If* she gets the hump and accuses you of accusing your DD you can be rest assured that the rings aren't that far away - they're in the local Cash Converter window 🤣

Ah you'll be fine. I expect they have been squirrelled away with other treasures. The child might have an inkling that she shouldn't really have them.

My DD used to steal all sorts from the classroom when she was 5. It was a daily task handing in her ill gotten gains every morning!

The mum probably doesn’t know about it tbh, I would message her

The longer you navel gaze on mumsnet the more chance your rings will be lost, buried, binned.

Woman up and with no drama explain as you have done here

Saying your DD might have given her DD some rings when she was over the other day isn't accusatory at all. It's fairly common at this age. I've had to retrieve things because it was something my child couldn't give away. I've also had to retrieve things when my child thought they lent to the other child and the other child thought they were given it, and vice versa when my DC were sure it had been given to them. There have been a few tears involved at times but the parents were understanding, it's really not unusual.

Why was your wedding ring on your nightstand in the middle of the day? If you don’t wear, then better to store away safely

Dad/Mum doesn't know to look for them

Have you actually searched your house? They might have just been playing with them.

This. I can’t understand why you’ve waited so long. I would have approached the other mum straight away. God knows what might have happened to the rings while you’ve spent days questioning a 5 year old!

Just text the other parent and say just checking if your DD was given some rings by my DD as she said she did. I wouldn’t be offended if anyone asked me that.

A friend’s DD at a similar age grabbed two of her sparkly expensive rings (not worn everyday) from her ring tray on her dressing table (not engagement ring) and was playing fairy princesses and weddings with them with her best friend. My friend looked for the rings as noticed they was missing (not worn everyday) panicked and searched but the other mother said she’d found them in her DD’s zipped coat pocket and wondered whose they were and how they’d got there, this was next day and other mother didn’t think to check her DD’s coat pockets. That evening. My friend was obviously going to ring the next day, can’t recall who did it first.

Friend then kept anything valuable hidden away in a locked jewellery box.

One of my favourite things to do as a child (me and DB) was to find DM’s old red leather jewellery box and open it (wasn’t that hard!) and look at and handle the treasures inside! Kids honestly have no idea of value, maybe older ones do but we had no idea, just pretty sparkly things!

Oh and yes definitely just ring or text the other mother. You’re not accusing anyone of anything, they’re 5!

Probably been through the washing machine by now since you decided to waste time questioning and interviewing your child first. My own child of a reasonably similar age has disabilities and I'd not be overly impressed if a child handed her two rings as there is every chance they might have swallowed them. Especially if the mother didn't bother contacting me to warn me.

Loads of people I know put wedding and other rings on a nightstand or ring tray or not locked away.

Sure
but do they allow young children including guests free access to said nightstand?

“Loads of people” - why are you having so many chats with so may people about where they store their wedding rings during the day? 😂

Bit of a stretch that...

It's really common fir this time happen, just ask the mum. The child may well have forgotten she has them and they could be in a pocket or bag. I found two woodlice and a dice in a child's pocket the other day.

Tell the mum now! What are you waiting for!?!? I would just say something like "Apologies to ask, but could you please check if your dd might have my wedding ring with her? My dd said they were playing with them and she said she could take them home if she wanted, but not sure if she actually did take them home, but they are not in the room anymore." This way you are not accusing anything, just asking. And any mum who is not a b would not take offence to this. If I was asked this, I would say omg, so sorry and will check straight away!